What a drama queen. This guy's career is over.
Shedding Light on the “Black Box of Inappropriateness”
71–80 of 416 posts
Re: Shedding Light on the “Black Box of Inappropriateness”
#72Thanks for sharing this. Reading Dave's post the first time, all I could think was "this seems like the most bland, cop-out, vague apology I've ever seen." He didn't list the specifics of what he felt bad about, and the whole thing read like a PR release to get ahead of any potential fallout. Reading the "kudos" from men who thought he was a great guy for coming forward only after years of harassment came to a head w…
Not in any way to defend Dave, but I think it would have been wrong for him to publish specifics as that could cause further distress to the victims involved. But I strongly support them coming forward and telling their own stories. That has value and gives the accusations their proper perspective and gravity. It truly is different to be confronted with the details.
Agreed, it's not an abuser's place to decide for their victim what details are made public.
But, the direct apology to a victim should be clear and not place blame on them for how they interpreted a situation, "I'm sorry if you felt X" is the opposite of an apology, it is redirecting blame.
Re: Shedding Light on the “Black Box of Inappropriateness”
#73Earlier quoted context omitted.
Did you mean to say correct ? That description and those examples are very different from the story I read.
I was responding to "Sexual assault is when someone has sex with another person without their permission" which is incorrect in that it too narrowly defines sexual assault.
Replace "sex" with "sexual act" and you've got it almost word for word. I suppose you could say there's a difference there, though one just seems like a shorthand for the other.
Re: Shedding Light on the “Black Box of Inappropriateness”
#74Thanks for sharing this. Reading Dave's post the first time, all I could think was "this seems like the most bland, cop-out, vague apology I've ever seen." He didn't list the specifics of what he felt bad about, and the whole thing read like a PR release to get ahead of any potential fallout. Reading the "kudos" from men who thought he was a great guy for coming forward only after years of harassment came to a head w…
When I read the original, I thought it was pretty reasonable as apologies go - it was directly saying what he did was wrong, which is better than the non-apology "I'm sorry you were offended"s you see (low bar, but still). Of course, it now looks like, at best, he was just copping to the "less bad" bits to try and quell it before the worst bits got out.
While "less bad" is obviously still damaging and there is a lot to talk about there, what's given in the post sounds like a clear-cut crime.
Re: Shedding Light on the “Black Box of Inappropriateness”
#75Earlier quoted context omitted.
Have you ever been around a group of all women and heard what they say? (I'm male but) I have and let's just say, there's a female "locker room" as well just down the hall from ours.
And the women in this locker room regularly pressure their juniors into having sex with them? I don't get the equivalence here. Sure, women talk dirty too, rather less of them are guilty of sexual coercion and assault then their male counterparts, I would hazard
Women locker room talk is not about sexual coercion but it's often about using their sexuality to gain advantage. While this is obviously not equivalent to sexual assault, it's not ethical either.
Re: Shedding Light on the “Black Box of Inappropriateness”
#76I am glad to see more people speaking up. I also really like the policies proposed at the end of this, and I would love to see them get implemented.
Re: Shedding Light on the “Black Box of Inappropriateness”
#77If you invite someone over to your apartment to drink scotch, and then they come on to you, that's not sexual assault. Sexual assault is when someone has sex with another person without their permission.
He didn't proposition her, he physically sexually assaulted her even when she was very firm that it was not welcome.
I get that there are cases where you can be sympathetic to the guy for misreading the situation or coming off creepy when he was just clumsy about what he thought was a respectful advance. I get that those things happen - this is an industry full of awkward nerds, mistakes are made.
But that's not what happened here, and nobody should pretend otherwise.
Re: Shedding Light on the “Black Box of Inappropriateness”
#78Yeah, that's a ridiculous allegation. If you invite someone over to your apartment to drink scotch, and then they come on to you, that's definitely not sexual assault. Sexual assault is where someone has sex with another person without their permission.
She told him no, then he pushed her into a corner and kissed her. How is that not sexual assault?
Re: Shedding Light on the “Black Box of Inappropriateness”
#79Thanks for sharing this. Reading Dave's post the first time, all I could think was "this seems like the most bland, cop-out, vague apology I've ever seen." He didn't list the specifics of what he felt bad about, and the whole thing read like a PR release to get ahead of any potential fallout. Reading the "kudos" from men who thought he was a great guy for coming forward only after years of harassment came to a head w…
Not in any way to defend Dave, but I think it would have been wrong for him to publish specifics as that could cause further distress to the victims involved. But I strongly support them coming forward and telling their own stories. That has value and gives the accusations their proper perspective and gravity. It truly is different to be confronted with the details.
> but I think it would have been wrong for him to publish specifics as that could cause further distress to the victims involved.
But he did publish specifics, selected to make it look as if he had just misread the situation. Which in fact did cause further distress to the victims, see linked article.
Re: Shedding Light on the “Black Box of Inappropriateness”
#80Earlier quoted context omitted.
Did you even read the article? "At this point, I led him to the door and told him he needs to leave. On the way out, he pushed himself onto me to the point where I was backed into a corner, made contact to kiss me, and said something along the lines of “Just one night, please just this one time.” Then he told me how he really likes strong and smart women like me. Disgusted and outraged, I said no firmly again, pushed…
So what? He came on to someone while he was drinking at their apartment. That's all he's guilty of. People are acting like he's Bill Cosby or something. Give me a break.
He forcibly backed her into a corner and kissed her, after Cheryl had already rejected his previous advance and asked him to leave. How is that at all okay? WTF is wrong with you?