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Ask HN: What ways have worked for you to overcome 'imposter syndrome'?

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Re: Ask HN: What ways have worked for you to overcome 'imposter syndrome'?

#131

Post by good_vibes »

sgentle wrote: post #61

I believe impostor syndrome comes from wanting to feel something that it's impossible to feel. When you look at someone successful, you think "wow, that person is amazing, look how great they are!" But do you think they feel that way about themselves? Idolisation is something you can do to someone else, but, unless you have very severe narcissism, not to yourself. So, much the same way you can't write a book that giv…

This is very true. Makes me think of Instagram models, who have all kinds of admirers but if you look at their faces, many seem like they are hiding some kind of sadness from the world. I learned this first hand after dating a girl who wanted to be one of those girls, we didn't last because there was nothing I could do to make her feel good in her own skin.

This thread is full of so much applicable wisdom.

Re: Ask HN: What ways have worked for you to overcome 'imposter syndrome'?

#132

Post by good_vibes »

dsmithatx wrote: post #107

Having been a unix admin, dev and now devops for 25+ years I'd say, Be calm and carry on. Always admit what you don't know, RTFM when in doubt, and never stop learning. Everyone understands the vast amount of information we must learn and known one expects you to know it all. Don't interview for a job looking for an expert at something you know the basics about. I think imposter syndrome comes feeling insecure about…

Thanks, this perspective will help a lot as I continue learning React and UX, and start applying to jobs again.

The biggest things I'm seeing in this thread is I should make meditation a stronger habit, it will help me focus on the task at hand and not let my mind take me out of 'beginner's mind', the state of mind where learning/building are most effective.

Re: Ask HN: What ways have worked for you to overcome 'imposter syndrome'?

#134

Post by good_vibes »

wallflower wrote: post #60

My personal opinion, like some of the others, is diversify out of tech. You can still work in tech, of course, and I suggest to stop putting all your hopes/desires/fears into the "tech" basket. Try investing in a non-tech project/venture like: woodworking, dancing, public speaking, rock climbing, organizing, run for office, volunteer, teach, coach sports, throw dinner parties, learn a spoken language, learn to draw,…

This really hits home because if you look at my post history, a little over a 100 days ago I was wanting to create something to compete with Facebook because I saw it as Big Brother. Since getting rejected by YC, I've been forced to reexamine myself and let a lot of delusions and habits go. I quit drinking, smoking, meat, sugar. I have $0 debt (credit card or student loan or car or home or medical). I've gotten rid of as many of my possessions as possible. I've cleaned out much of my social media feeds and the amount of news I read as well.

I'm really passionate about exploring the outdoors, photography (landscape and wildlife), writing about self-actualization, learning about history (reading '1491' right now).

I've been helping two people I know with building a business online, one is a dog clothing company and the other is a film composer from NYU. I hope to scale this into an agency where I can work remotely while helping interesting people becoming financially independent doing what they love. It adds fulfillment to my life knowing I have skills to help them.

This thread has helped me so much, I don't even know how to thank the community. :)

Re: Ask HN: What ways have worked for you to overcome 'imposter syndrome'?

#135

Post by toomanyrichies »

calebm wrote: post #121

If you start as a teenager, you'll get a healthy dose of Dunning–Kruger, and if you keep at it, your skills should eventually catch up to your self perceptions - thus avoiding the imposter syndrome all together (prevention is the best cure) ;)

It has helped me to remember that Dunning-Kruger has 2 sides. Beginners tend to fall in the "don't know what they don't know" category, which can lead to over-confidence. But the other side is under-confidence on the part of mid-to-senior level folks. Those with experience start to see that there's a lot they don't know (i.e. they "know what they don't know"), and there's a natural overlap between this state and the state of impostor syndrome.

This doesn't always mean that you're an expert if you feel under-confident (I wish that were the case haha). But it might mean you're moving out of the true beginner quadrant and into journeyman status.

Re: Ask HN: What ways have worked for you to overcome 'imposter syndrome'?

#136

Post by katpas »

toomanyrichies wrote: post #117
sgentle wrote: post #61

I believe impostor syndrome comes from wanting to feel something that it's impossible to feel. When you look at someone successful, you think "wow, that person is amazing, look how great they are!" But do you think they feel that way about themselves? Idolisation is something you can do to someone else, but, unless you have very severe narcissism, not to yourself. So, much the same way you can't write a book that giv…

I've heard this referred to as "comparing your insides to someone else's outsides". As a journeyman software engineer, I still catch myself doing it and have to remind myself that it's unproductive.

That's a really interesting way to think about that, I haven't heard that before.

Re: Ask HN: What ways have worked for you to overcome 'imposter syndrome'?

#137

Post by mychael »

Here is what has worked for me:

I changed my role models and my goals. 5 years ago I used to aspire to be a well respected member of a software community - speaking at conferences, writing think pieces on Medium, being widely retweeted. Now the people I admire are entrepreneurs, creators and builders. Doers not talkers and tech pundits.

If you make that change you might find yourself spending so much time thinking about your goals that imposter syndrome won't even cross your mind.

Re: Ask HN: What ways have worked for you to overcome 'imposter syndrome'?

#138

Post by mindfulgeek »

Once source of Imposter syndrome is "not enough." Trying to use tools that help you have more gratitude and see abundance can help. You are enough just as you are, but when you compare you with others or even with the idea of the you you'd like to be or think you were you go Coocoo. Journaling can be a big help, especially if you write without a filter (I.e. Write down all the stuff that comes up, even the stuff you are scared to admit). Writing a list of things you are grateful for is another good exercise - 10 things every morning. It sets your mind to a positive place to start the day. Another good practice is something called intenSati. It is exercise mixed with positive affirmations. None of these things work overnight and some are a bit uncomfortable -- just fake it till you make it. Something good will come of it.

Re: Ask HN: What ways have worked for you to overcome 'imposter syndrome'?

#139

Post by King-Aaron »

timborden wrote: post #78

I found reading The Gifts of Imperfection ( https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01N4KQI11 ), by Brene Brown, really helped reframe "imposter syndrome" for me. “Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgement, and shame. It’s a shield. It’s a twenty-ton shield that we lug ar…

A good quote to add to this was said by the great Sir Jackie Stewart - "It's not always possible to be the best, but it's always possible to improve your own performance"

Re: Ask HN: What ways have worked for you to overcome 'imposter syndrome'?

#140

Post by uzero »

The best explanation I’ve heard comes from Dan Sullivan. He doesn’t specifically use the name impostor syndrome but is talking about the gap talented and intelligent people feel when other people are praising them and they don’t see themselves that way. It’s caused by people having two stages, front and backstage. Social and traditional media portrays only the frontstage and you never get to see the backstage. So because of this you are constantly compairing your backstage with all the shortcomings and failures to people’s frontstage where there’s only success and perfection. The thing that has helped me is to understand that there was a huge amount of work that got those people at that point and I can do the same, it will just take time. Also believe other people. If they say you are awesome at X and you have spend A LOT of time to learn it, there’s a good chance you actually are awesome at it by the common standards. It’s just that like I said, you see all the things you don’t still know and they don’t. Unless you are in competitive sports, don’t bother being the best, it’s usually not worth it because the gain ratio against the effort don’t make sense. Instead focus on getting really, really good and then expand to related fields so you can start doing stuff nobody else can by combining those fields.
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