Live data from Hacker News

I'm a creep. I'm sorry

500hats.com

51–60 of 453 posts

Re: I'm a creep. I'm sorry

#51
post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You can be yourself, be human, be flexible, and not make sexual advances toward those you have power over. In fact, if you can't do both, it's you who cannot survive in today's world. It's time for us to all get better at being more aware of our position.

[deleted]

>He doesn't have any power over this woman. She wasn't even hired yet to begin with.

Are you kidding? He has power over her future employment. She wants a job there, and he has the power to give her the job or to reject her. Also, if he were to hire her, he'd have power over her during her entire employment.

Re: I'm a creep. I'm sorry

#52
post #6

I keep a 100% wall between work and personal life for a reason. Anyone I'm doing business with I see at best as a coworker or business acquaintance, so there is no risk of merging those two realms. If you are powerful man or woman, you should be aware that people who know who you are treat you differently. This Dave McClure guy actually thought all these women were into him purely because he was some amazing dude and…

Not commenting on this case, but Billy Graham, after seeing what happened to other well know preachers, was never alone with any woman except his wife Ruth. It is a pretty good strategy. Today, a powerful person could probably enhance his/her personal security by having an assistant with an always on camera like some police forces use.

He may have been protecting himself from others, but also protecting himself from himself? I don't feel Billy Graham was eager to cheat, but he recognized his potential for giving in to temptation, and made specific choices ahead of time to minimize his risk.

Re: I'm a creep. I'm sorry

#53
post #20
post #8

I've got to wonder, why do coworkers go out for drinks if it's not a social setting? I don't understand the logic of mixing alcohol with colleagues if you're still under the "workplace" umbrella.

I don't really understand socializing with co-workers outside of work under any circumstances, but especially with intoxicants involved. This includes company holiday parties, etc. Let work be work, and keep your social life separate. I've seen far more bad than good come out of such things.

Although the percentage is declining, many relationships still begin at work [1]

The real issue is a power imbalance, but this issue also exists in other settings as well.

Alcohol inhibits your judgement, but many people can successfully consume alcohol without adverse social consequences.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/03/08/how-m...

Re: I'm a creep. I'm sorry

#54
I find that he mentions the situation occurred "over drinks" a way to make it seem less innappropriate. It's pretty simple, don't hit on women you have a business relationship with. I've seen it happen on multiple occasions and I cringe every time.

Re: I'm a creep. I'm sorry

#55
post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[deleted]

>He doesn't have any power over this woman. She wasn't even hired yet to begin with. Are you kidding? He has power over her future employment. She wants a job there, and he has the power to give her the job or to reject her. Also, if he were to hire her, he'd have power over her during her entire employment.

[deleted]

Re: I'm a creep. I'm sorry

#56
I for one am happy to see a true apology here, not an "I'm sorry if I offended you" statement that so many people make the days.

This has all the points of a proper apology: an understanding of the wrong committed, acknowledging that it was his fault, and demonstrating commitment to change. It also appears to be sincere

Re: I'm a creep. I'm sorry

#57
A HUGE percentage of couples meet through work.

It's not inherently wrong, or something inherently taboo. (We've all been told not to stick our pens in the company ink, but... time and time again we also see examples of happily married couples who met on the job... Bill Gates' wife worked for Microsoft, The Obamas met while they were working together, Ryan Reynolds & Blake Lively met on the set of Green Lantern...)

So it feels like the message here is, "It's fine when it works, and it's totally not fine when it doesn't work." The only way to know if it's fine is to ask. It's not really something you can make universal rules for. To each their own, right? (I would say a wedding ring means someone is off limits, but affairs happen all the time too.)

Point being, it has to be something more than, "It's OK to hit on someone if they are attracted to you." I think hitting on someone is inherently a compliment. But if they say no, and you try again, and they still say no, well probably don't try a third time. This guy is apologizing for being called a creep after hitting on someone once... man, that's rough. You don't know until you try.

There needs to be a little more flex here, it can't just come down to, "Anyone who we don't feel attraction to should be fired if they pay us a poorly worded compliment or tell a bad joke." Stalkers, sure... people who try and leverage their position in the company to get laid (with the implication), yeah... but just some guy who tries to clumsily flirt with a girl and can't play it smooth because he's fundamentally not a player and actually likes her... come on, cut that guy some slack.

Re: I'm a creep. I'm sorry

#58
post #13

Best part is the woman who confronted the CEO about being a serial sexual-harrasser and ended up CEO. Edit: Re-reading I can't tell what his title was, only that she was CEO after the fact.

It's a strange notion that politics in a company are a good thing. Rewarding people for attacking the character of those above them is a race to the bottom. In this case it seems it was a co founder and not at all the situation you describe.

Re: I'm a creep. I'm sorry

#59
post #8

I've got to wonder, why do coworkers go out for drinks if it's not a social setting? I don't understand the logic of mixing alcohol with colleagues if you're still under the "workplace" umbrella.

I met my wife at work drinks, so I'm glad it happens.

Re: I'm a creep. I'm sorry

#60
post #8

I've got to wonder, why do coworkers go out for drinks if it's not a social setting? I don't understand the logic of mixing alcohol with colleagues if you're still under the "workplace" umbrella.

Fun fact: You don't have the right to be creepy or predatory towards women just because alcohol is involved. Women have the right to go out for drinks with coworkers without being sexually harassed.
Post reply on HN