Ask HN: Victim of an unfounded harrasement accusation. Your thoughts?

> The company has told me they do not have the budget to hire me full-time or extend my internship

Were you told this AFTER these apparently unfounded accusations?

My brother (manager) has been confronted to a similar situation, except that he was accused of moral harassement. The employee complained about it to the director of human ressource. They reacted swiftly. They hired an independent and specialized company to investigate the matter. The conclusion was that it was a fake accusation.

This is the correct behaviour in face of any kind of accusation between employees. This protects the company in face of justice, and gives some insurance that the truth comes out. Relying on an independent company gives some garantee (not full) that the investigation is impartial.

While this is not perfect, it is the most optimal and fair reaction in such situations.

Regarding your situation, it is understandable that it is worrying because you just discovered that you are very exposed. From what you say, it appears that what you considered small talk where questions on private activities. A normal person would simply skip it or make you understand that this is not your business. But some people can't handle that because they are socially disfunctional.

I would suggest that you keep a low profile until the end of your internship. The human resource did simple put distance between you two. So there is nothing dramatic.

Regarding the small talk, I would suggest that, in the future, you try avoiding asking questions. It is better to let the other person drive the talk so that you can easily deduce what is ok to talk about. Stay in the ok subject domain. Eventually you may share some of your private info but be attentive to the other person reaction. If he/she switch subject, it means private life discussions are to be avoided. Even that could already be enough to make socially disfunctional people inconfortable.

The fundamental rationale is just a matter of respect. Some people don't like to share private matters at work. People complaining at HR are really disfunctional because they can't handle everyday situations themselves. These kind of people are toxic in their way and potential source of problems for the company. That person who complained about your behavior has raised a red flag about herself. It's for your own safety that I suggested how to avoid being confronted to such situations again. For now buck down and let the wave pass. Good luck for your future.

Not judging you but it could just be that you might come across as """creepy""" (notice the three pairs of quotes here). The issue is that you're in a hyper sensitive environment with hyper sensitive people. If you try and initiate a conversation with certain women (even to be polite because you dgaf about them) that dislike you, it can be considered """pushy""" and/or """creepy""" (even though there's no objective proof that you were trying to force their hand) but if you're the tall, confident, handsome guy from marketing then you're "such a player". So yeah, my advice to you is stay extremely professional for the remainder of your time there, try not to burn bridges with the company, stay courteous, work hard and most importantly find a job somewhere else. Also, learn about social dynamics. If you're socially awkward you'll be more at risk of being accused of rape (whatever its definition of the day is). Not to mention the increasing pressure that lies on HR and management as a result of the fear of being labeled the next Uber.

What about the professional social skills of the person that made the complaint? Couldn't she have raised the matter personally instead of going straight to a manager? And how toxic is a workplace where you can be accused of unspecified behaviours by some unknown co-worker and be automatically on the wrong side, without any clue as to know who accused you and why?

Thanks for your insightful comment! And I'm sorry to hear of your brother's story. It has been hard, but I have suspended talking to people about non-work-related topics since this incident. I thought I was in a domain of acceptable topics, but I guess its better to exercise extreme caution. I am also not very socially-skilled so perhaps this lack of experience has been the catalyst for this incident. I would think that a normal person would signal to me that they are not interested in talking further, or should they feel bothered inform me of this prior to going directly to management, but I guess if they feel extremely threatened or intimidated, they might see management as their first option.