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Ask HN: Victim of an unfounded harrasement accusation. Your thoughts?

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Re: Ask HN: Victim of an unfounded harrasement accusation. Your thoughts?

#21

Post by b6 »

bgia wrote: post #4

Keep an open mind. I don't know you, nor your coworkers, but you may have done something that feels "normal" to you but is actually inappropriate without even realizing. That's why it is important to raise awareness on misogyny and the rape culture: a lot of the problematic behavior seems perfectly normal and acceptable to the perpetrators, but it's really not. Not saying that's what happened with you, but it could h…

> so you don't ever make anyone uncomfortable again

This is not within OP's (or anyone's) power.

Re: Ask HN: Victim of an unfounded harrasement accusation. Your thoughts?

#22

Post by throwaway5645 »

I faced the same situation, although it wasn't 'sexual' harassment, just harassment in general apparently.

Basically the company I worked at was taken over and me and some others were forced out. The others rage quitted. I had false complaints made against me, and I was suspended while they 'investigated', I just quit.

My advice would be to walk away. If you know you've done nothing wrong and there's no evidence, you don't want to be in that kind of toxic environment.

Re: Ask HN: Victim of an unfounded harrasement accusation. Your thoughts?

#23

Post by contingencies »

Leave but before you do so find a chance to talk to a nontrivial percentage of the staff and explain that this thing happened, affected you deeply and it was never your intent to upset anyone and it has really negatively impacted your experience at a formative stage in your career so whoever made the accusation could they please be aware in future that they may have it wrong about people and accusations can hurt. No issues otherwise enjoyed the company, see you all later sorta thing. Makes the point but it's not "in your face" to the accuser, and also makes the management aware they should be less manipulable.

Re: Ask HN: Victim of an unfounded harrasement accusation. Your thoughts?

#24

Post by auserperson »

Nobody is accusing you of sexual harassment. They said what they said. You are making some woman uncomfortable. Try to first believe what they said instead of getting paranoid.

You are an intern and probably don't have a lot experience on professional behavior. You might be trying to get be friendly but that is coming out as creepy.

Stop trying to do small talk if the other people don't start small talk with you never. Avoid starting any conversation that don't have a business matter. If the other people in the office start doing small talk to you, then you answer, don't engage the other way around.

Don't try to flirt. Don't stare at woman that are trying to do their job. It is awful to be stared at by men that find you attractive while you trying to go through you day to day to get a paycheck and be back home.

Just accept what they said and try to take this a learning a experience that your behavior does not come out as professional where you are working at the moment. Try to pay attention to that on your next job. That sometimes you might think you are being friendly and people see you as creepy. Again, don't seek a lawyer, you were not accused of sexual harassment, you were accused of lack of professional social skills.

Re: Ask HN: Victim of an unfounded harrasement accusation. Your thoughts?

#25

Post by thanksgiving »

lazyjones wrote: post #20

That's a very immature way of dealing with the problem (by the management). The issue likely has 2 very different perspectives and both people involved should be mature enough to be confronted with the other's perspective so it can be dealt with fairly. For example, you might be sitting opposite of some female co-workers and frequently meeting glances might be interpreted by them as "staring" etc. while you might not…

> For example, you might be sitting opposite of some female co-workers and frequently meeting glances might be interpreted by them as "staring" etc. while you might not even be consciously aware that you do it ... Solution: put up some optical barrier after talking with all people involved together.

Do we want to legitimize starting at a particular direction as a crime?

These are my eyes. I'll look wherever I want. If someone is uncomfortable, they should move their face away from me.

Re: Ask HN: Victim of an unfounded harrasement accusation. Your thoughts?

#26

Post by everdayimhustln »

Linus Torvalds was targeted. http://www.theregister.co.uk/2015/11/06/linus_torvalds_targe...

Also, the pervasive drive-by meddling of SJWs to brow-beat FOSS projects into accepting their Code of Conduct is further bullshit that is reinforced by well-meaning people that think it's a good thing to state the obvious, but then add a bunch of vague powers that can kick people out without due process.

Re: Ask HN: Victim of an unfounded harrasement accusation. Your thoughts?

#27

Post by jbmorgado »

lalalawrence wrote: post #11

The World is full of technology at your disposal. Use it! Do not Fear the HATERS If you are that uncomfortable One DOCUMENT everything especially when you feel threatened you have right too! This sounds like a personal Vendetta against you by someone who does not like you ? Stay friendly and Cordial, but quick in your Hi and Bye. RECORD with your phone any unrelated uncomfortable incidents. And find a New JOB but bef…

> "DOCUMENT everything especially when you feel threatened you have right too!"

What you are advocating is that in cases like this we should just accept that the burden or proof lies on the accused.

That's a total subversion of democratic principles.

What about that sane principle where is the ACCUSER that actually has to record/gather any evidence of wrong doing and present it? You know, like we do in every other case that doesn't involve sexual misconduct?

Re: Ask HN: Victim of an unfounded harrasement accusation. Your thoughts?

#28

Post by fjfkdjfjfjd »

zucchini_head wrote: post #15

It's certainly a phenomenon that exists, we've all seen and heard of false accusations to damage people's reputation, business, and such. "Scandals" have been around since humans have, it's gossip, it's libel, it's whatever you call it. Question: did they provide you with any substantial evidence? Anyway, ultimately your case and many others is why the law is at it's very core based on an innocent until proven guilty…

No substatial evidence was provided. After being told that I made a woman feel uncomfortable, I immediately apologized for any harm I would have caused. I then asked if its possible to know what I said or did that caused this discomfort to insure I do not repeat an offending action. Management said they could not divulge this information for privacy reasons. So at this point, I feel there is really no evidence other than the testimony of one person.

Re: Ask HN: Victim of an unfounded harrasement accusation. Your thoughts?

#29

Post by rmetzler »

Look for a better full time job now. Your time there is limited.

I'm not in the US, so I don't know anything about how you have to handle this legally, but I would publicly apologize for any unintended wrongdoing and make clear that you don't know what you are punished for. Be rather brief.

Any decent person (which isn't legally bound) will come to you and give you some hints or let you know what happened from their view. If not, forget about it and move on.

Re: Ask HN: Victim of an unfounded harrasement accusation. Your thoughts?

#30

Post by fjfkdjfjfjd »

lazyjones wrote: post #20

That's a very immature way of dealing with the problem (by the management). The issue likely has 2 very different perspectives and both people involved should be mature enough to be confronted with the other's perspective so it can be dealt with fairly. For example, you might be sitting opposite of some female co-workers and frequently meeting glances might be interpreted by them as "staring" etc. while you might not…

I sit facing a wall on one side of the room. The two desks on either side of me are where my teammates (both male) sit. Behind me at the other end of the room, there are two girls, one facing the back wall, and one facing the opposite side wall. The only time I look in their direction is when I enter and leave the room.
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