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Silicon Valley Women, in Cultural Shift, Frankly Describe Sexual Harassment

nytimes.com

181–190 of 882 posts

Re: Silicon Valley Women, in Cultural Shift, Frankly Describe Sexual Harassment

#181
post #69
post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Heads are already rolling https://500.co/making-changes-at-500/ https://medium.com/@sacca/i-have-more-work-to-do-c775c5d56ca...

He turned off comments on his super creepy post.

While I admit I cringed at a few little things, on balance I didn't find it creepy, and I think that assessment just adds to the feeling among many that it's easier to dodge the issue than to try to get involved.

Re: Silicon Valley Women, in Cultural Shift, Frankly Describe Sexual Harassment

#182
post #144

I have a confession to make. With few exceptions, I cannot work with a woman without thinking about having sex with her. It's not like I'm trying, it's more like the thought is a blinking red light and I can't help but look at the thought. Then I realize the thought is absurd, but it's already happened. This normally doesn't leak out, but for some women, I will give them "eyes" and usually feel bad about it afterward…

You should talk to a therapist. It will affect your career sooner or later, if it hasn't already. You better get help on how to control these thoughts, and more importantly your actions, especially if you sometimes give "eyes" to your coworkers.

I vehemently disagree with that. While I do not know your gender or sexual orientation, I can assume that at some point you've looked at another person and been attracted to them. This can't be controlled because our species' success (before the modern medicine era) is due to our ability to reproduce. I don't see a problem with looking at someone. If it gets to the point of creepily staring for long periods of time, or wanting to act on his thoughts, then he has good reason to see a therapist, but being able to see that someone is attractive while also not wanting to have sex with them is completely normal. I'm a guy and I acknowledge that many of my platonic female friends are very attractive, but I don't want to have sex with them in the same way that I would a wife or girlfriend.

Re: Silicon Valley Women, in Cultural Shift, Frankly Describe Sexual Harassment

#183
post #43
post #7

This entire article is a smorgasbord of cringe: > During the recruiting process, Mr. McClure, a founder of 500 Startups and an investor, sent her a Facebook message that read in part, “I was getting confused figuring out whether to hire you or hit on you.” One would think having the phrases "hire you" and "hit on you" in the same sentence when communicating with someone undergoing recruitment at your company would be…

I am white and male and the misogyny I've observed in tech has annoyed me . If it annoys me it must be intolerable to women. I believe every word of it and I could tell a few stories of things I've seen. I've seen a lot of other kinds of assholery too. Tech has an underbelly just like any other major industry. FWIW I've heard Hollywood and Wall St. are worse.

Have worked on Wall Street. It's not worse.

Re: Silicon Valley Women, in Cultural Shift, Frankly Describe Sexual Harassment

#184
post #171

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Does the red-light blink around your sister or Mom? Put your female colleagues in the sister compartment of your brain.

Maybe this is easier if you've had a sister. I never did. And I can't sit across the table from a skin-flashing admin assistant and think of her like my mom, who is in her 70s. It doesn't work.

The fact that you use the term "skin-flashing" here is a little concerning. Perhaps it was just meant as a shorthand for attractive woman, because otherwise you've taken a woman's choice of dress and behaviour and made them part of your neurosis. Unless of course she is giving you the Basic Instinct treatment (is that too old a reference for this site?), in which case I'm entirely out of advice for you.

Re: Silicon Valley Women, in Cultural Shift, Frankly Describe Sexual Harassment

#185
post #144

I have a confession to make. With few exceptions, I cannot work with a woman without thinking about having sex with her. It's not like I'm trying, it's more like the thought is a blinking red light and I can't help but look at the thought. Then I realize the thought is absurd, but it's already happened. This normally doesn't leak out, but for some women, I will give them "eyes" and usually feel bad about it afterward…

I am in the same position as you. I constantly and graphically think about sex with my female colleagues. However it has actually helped my career because I don't interrupt my female colleagues at the whiteboard or in meetings, rather I nod and affirm them while I fantasize about sex with them. As an ironic consequence I have gotten a reputation for being respectful of women's ideas and encouraging of their career development. Shows how low the bar is in Silicon Valley -- simply not interrupting/berating women makes you a well-regarded manager.

While this has led to some technically poor decisions because they don't benefit from engaged debate, the women who have worked for me have been basically very competent so the errors have not hurt me as much as my personal reputation has helped me.

Re: Silicon Valley Women, in Cultural Shift, Frankly Describe Sexual Harassment

#186
post #144

I have a confession to make. With few exceptions, I cannot work with a woman without thinking about having sex with her. It's not like I'm trying, it's more like the thought is a blinking red light and I can't help but look at the thought. Then I realize the thought is absurd, but it's already happened. This normally doesn't leak out, but for some women, I will give them "eyes" and usually feel bad about it afterward…

Acknowledge that reptilian instinct and then check it. Also, spend more time around women outside work. As friends, e.g. friends' wives, girlfriends or even just interesting women you meet.

Re: Silicon Valley Women, in Cultural Shift, Frankly Describe Sexual Harassment

#187
PSA: If you are an honest man who manages or works with women in any capacity, please keep complete audio records of your time at work. File storage is cheap, a false charge will cost you your livelihood and damage the reputation of your entire industry. If you live in a jurisdiction which requires more than one present party to consent to recording, run for your life.

P.S. not at all insinuating that the accusations here are necessarily false.

Re: Silicon Valley Women, in Cultural Shift, Frankly Describe Sexual Harassment

#188

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"If you're not doing doing anything wrong you have nothing to fear." Ahh--if only this were ever true.

Again, that statement is only false if these are false accusations. Are you saying they're false accusations?

>Are you saying they're false accusations?

Of course there are false accusations out there. It's not the majority of them or even a significant number. But it's not zero.

Re: Silicon Valley Women, in Cultural Shift, Frankly Describe Sexual Harassment

#190
post #144

I have a confession to make. With few exceptions, I cannot work with a woman without thinking about having sex with her. It's not like I'm trying, it's more like the thought is a blinking red light and I can't help but look at the thought. Then I realize the thought is absurd, but it's already happened. This normally doesn't leak out, but for some women, I will give them "eyes" and usually feel bad about it afterward…

It sounds like you may be suffering from a form of scrupulosity [0], a disorder in which you feel excessive guilt about moral or religious issues. In your case mostly moral. Fantasizing about having sex with women you work with and making eyes at them isn't really the same as what's going on in this article. Thoughts are just in your head, they don't affect the outside world unless you express them and "making eyes,"…

That hits close to home, thanks.
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