Earlier quoted context omitted.
Exactly-once messaging is not a hard problem so long as you change the problem a little. (Plug warning: this is the way Urbit does EOM, or EOM * if you prefer.) TLDR, you don't need infinitely durable infinite memory. You just need (a) a single-level store in which every event is a transaction, (b) a message protocol with true end-to-end acks, and (c) a permanent session between every pair of nodes. We don't have sin…
You've embedded the idempotency into the protocol, which is nice, but doesn't get around the problems of not being able to do EOM. You also have the case where you sent a message and lost network connectivity before any ack could come back, resulting in you not knowing if your message arrived 0 or 1 times, which isn't surprising since that case is a constant on a network with anything less than 100% reliability. That…
If EOM means "the programmer doesn't have to think about idempotency," EOM is what I want. Happy to call this "EOM asterisk" if you and/or the OP like.
At any point in the conversation, you don't know whether your interlocutor has yet received the last message you sent. This is because you are talking over a network, rather than over a magic bus.
However, you know that before the endpoint processes each message, it has processed each previous message once and exactly once. I think this is what the programmer wants -- asterisk or no.
Network connectivity failure is best modeled as the limit case of network latency. Of course, when you send a message over a network in the real world, you can't know whether it has been received or not until you get an acknowledgment.
(Edit: asterisks.)