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Who Americans spend their time with

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Re: Who Americans spend their time with

#61

Post by brightball »

icebraining wrote: post #48
brightball wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Fwiw, when I got off of Facebook my family decided to explore local churches and found one that has been great. We've made about the same amount of friends there in 6 months that we did living here for 13 years without going there. Plenty of activities too. When I was on Facebook I found that I was spending significantly more time chatting it up with my friends from college who are all over the country. Not that I do…

What kind of activities does your church organize?

Socially, the church itself doesn't do anything other than a big BBQ every year. Other than that the churchwide events are all very much on-mission (mission trips, charity work, youth activities).

Sunday school classes tend to be where the social aspects come from. We'll do a day at the lake or a get together for a meal and some activity.

We've gotten together with one or two other couples to get dinner and do an escape room, shoot targets at a guys farm, gotten the kids together to play. Even got invited to a dueling piano bar, which caught me by surprise since I assumed that would be frowned on. Turns out most grown adults are perfectly content to go have a drink, just not many.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with

#62

Post by throwanem »

13of40 wrote: post #46
TheSpiceIsLife wrote: post #8

Rigtheo, so now we need to compare to other cultures and overlay the results with mental health issues, self-reported happiness, income, GDP, obesity, and all the other interesting metrics. We already know the results though: people who have strong family ties and closer and enduring friendships and sense of community live longer healthier lives than their lonely counterparts and are more productive at work and in th…

We already know the results though: people who have strong family ties and closer and enduring friendships and sense of community live longer healthier lives than their lonely counterparts I've often wondered whether, in the absence of any action to correct the issue, it's better to promote this conclusion (which feels a little bit like loneliness-shaming) or to tell less social people that being alone is OK and does…

Appreciating solitude is one thing. Being lonely is another. Telling people loneliness is "OK, and doesn't mean you're less of a person" isn't going to make it feel any better to be lonely. It's not going to ameliorate the way in which, lacking the same social framework as everyone else you see, you really do feel like somewhat less of a person.

Well, it isn't for me anyway. Anecdote blah blah whatever, but I can't really imagine that I'm such an outlier in this regard, at least. If anything, as a middle-aged and rather tired divorcé, I don't really have it so bad - I can't imagine being twenty and having the same problem. "Hell" is the word that comes to mind.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with

#63

Post by soulnothing »

ronnier wrote: post #52
suneilp wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A gender breakdown for both single and married would also be useful. For marriages there should also be another dimension based on the health of the marriage. Recent literature suggests that men are lonelier than women which incites my curiosity on gender differences in this topic. I've been theorizing that if true, those men who fall further below the envelope of social interaction end up having greater difficulty i…

Most women I know have a hoard of men waiting to take them out and entertain them. On the other side, most men I know struggle to get a single woman to go out with (or men for that matter as friends). Men are in such compitition now that they have deep distrust of other men and won't let them into their circle.

It's funny I just got back from a Meetup mixer. I'm in Seattle too, coming from the east coast. It feels like another country at times.

But all the meetups I've been to there is a gender imbalance. Either a number of men to women or vice versa. The latter being the most common. Tonight I was watching as 8 guys were trying to talk to one woman.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with

#64

Post by laughfactory »

throwanem wrote: post #47
jessaustin wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes my last high school reunion was like that. (i.e., people who weren't on facebook weren't invited, even if they were known in the community and available at phone numbers advertised to the public.) Their loss!

> Their loss! Miss a couple weddings that way and see if you feel the same.

My wife and I hate Facebook and aren't on it; and yeah, we sometimes get miffed when people assume everyone who matters (or close enough) is on it, and use only it for communicating with family, friends, a social club, or whatever.

We're the kind of people who are _proudly_ not on Facebook, and not at all shy about it. The only social network worth a damn is LinkedIn, and only so long as they are useful in finding work.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with

#65

Post by jessaustin »

throwanem wrote: post #47
jessaustin wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes my last high school reunion was like that. (i.e., people who weren't on facebook weren't invited, even if they were known in the community and available at phone numbers advertised to the public.) Their loss!

> Their loss! Miss a couple weddings that way and see if you feel the same.

I'm certain I will, if I ever find out about it. By not inviting me, the happy couple will have amply demonstrated that I will not have been welcome.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with

#66

Post by throwanem »

jessaustin wrote: post #65
throwanem wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Their loss! Miss a couple weddings that way and see if you feel the same.

I'm certain I will, if I ever find out about it. By not inviting me, the happy couple will have amply demonstrated that I will not have been welcome.

Hard to fake a heartfelt, mortified apology. That's the thing - if I'd been deliberately snubbed, I wouldn't fuss, because generally when that happens there is a reason for it. But one doesn't receive an apology when that happens, either - especially not such a shamefaced one.

This was just that Facebook's walled garden expanded to surround my erstwhile social circle, and once that happens, you maintain your presence in that circle on Facebook's terms or not at all.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with

#67

Post by jessaustin »

throwanem wrote: post #66
jessaustin wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm certain I will, if I ever find out about it. By not inviting me, the happy couple will have amply demonstrated that I will not have been welcome.

Hard to fake a heartfelt, mortified apology. That's the thing - if I'd been deliberately snubbed, I wouldn't fuss, because generally when that happens there is a reason for it. But one doesn't receive an apology when that happens, either - especially not such a shamefaced one. This was just that Facebook's walled garden expanded to surround my erstwhile social circle, and once that happens, you maintain your presence…

To how many mainstream-culture American weddings have you been invited? It has been more than a few for me, and in general the (printed, hand-signed, often hand-decorated, mailed) invitations are fussed over by the bride and her mother nearly as much as the flowers. All of those brides would have been mortified at the suggestion to just leave it to facebook...

Re: Who Americans spend their time with

#68

Post by throwanem »

jessaustin wrote: post #67
throwanem wrote: post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hard to fake a heartfelt, mortified apology. That's the thing - if I'd been deliberately snubbed, I wouldn't fuss, because generally when that happens there is a reason for it. But one doesn't receive an apology when that happens, either - especially not such a shamefaced one. This was just that Facebook's walled garden expanded to surround my erstwhile social circle, and once that happens, you maintain your presence…

To how many mainstream-culture American weddings have you been invited? It has been more than a few for me, and in general the (printed, hand-signed, often hand-decorated, mailed) invitations are fussed over by the bride and her mother nearly as much as the flowers. All of those brides would have been mortified at the suggestion to just leave it to facebook...

Quite a few, including my own. No one I've ever heard of has actually used Facebook to send invitations. But, in at least two cases over the past four years, Facebook friends lists have been the only source used in constructing an invitation list. Not being on Facebook, I wasn't in those lists. And so...

I mean, I get that it's hard to believe what I'm saying can possibly be true. I wouldn't have believed it myself before I saw it happen! It sounds like something out of the kind of third-rate sf dystopia that fails to achieve much popularity even among genre fans. But here we are.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with

#69

Post by ionised »

gaius wrote: post #38
suneilp wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A gender breakdown for both single and married would also be useful. For marriages there should also be another dimension based on the health of the marriage. Recent literature suggests that men are lonelier than women which incites my curiosity on gender differences in this topic. I've been theorizing that if true, those men who fall further below the envelope of social interaction end up having greater difficulty i…

Well, there is the societal expectation that in order to "grow up" a man must stop spending time with his friends and/or on his hobbies and "settle down". There is no such expectation/pressure on women.

> Well, there is the societal expectation that in order to "grow up" a man must stop spending time with his friends and/or on his hobbies and "settle down".

I'm not sure I've ever encountered that expectation. I'm in my 30's and have four or five close friends I spend regular time with and a load of other 'mates' that I see every now and then.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with

#70

Post by ionised »

sien wrote: post #31
dajohnson89 wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you have any sources on men being lonelier, please share here and I'd be very grateful

Here is one source: http://melbourneinstitute.unimelb.edu.au/assets/documents/hi... Basically men tend to have fewer friends than women and depend more on their spouses for this.

My experience seems to be the opposite. I have friends and see them regularly and my partner ignores hers for the most part.
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