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To Stay in Love, Sign on the Dotted Line

nytimes.com

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Re: To Stay in Love, Sign on the Dotted Line

#11

Post by onion2k »

_RPM wrote: post #3

Sounds strange, and horrible. A relationship isn't a business.`

A relationship is whatever the people involved want it to be.

If they want to run their relationship like a business that's OK, and to be honest I think it's good to read about people who are enjoying alternative ways of living when a 'normal' way doesn't suit them; it can help other people see that they can live how they want, even if other people see it as "strange, and horrible".

Re: To Stay in Love, Sign on the Dotted Line

#12

Post by kibwen »

One may not necessarily need to go as far as signing a physical contract (which I'm sure many will find aromantic), but the sentiment is absolutely true. Everyone has different expectations of what they want out of a relationship, all guaranteed to deviate more-or-less from the stereotypical date-cohabitate-marriage-kids script, and being open and honest about your expectations before embarking on a long-term relationship is the best way to avoid heartache. And this is scary! It takes a certain level of emotional maturity and courage to sit down with someone you may have only recently met and have this sort of conversation, but even if you mutually decide that your long-term interests aren't compatible that doesn't mean that you can't continue having a casual relationship (or even "just" a friendship).

Re: To Stay in Love, Sign on the Dotted Line

#15

Post by dsp1234 »

_RPM wrote: post #3

Sounds strange, and horrible. A relationship isn't a business.`

If each person in a relationship is happier because they treat their relationship as a business, then it's pure hubris to suggest they should be less happy because it does not match your notion of what a relationship should be.

Re: To Stay in Love, Sign on the Dotted Line

#17

Post by rayiner »

I'm surprised there is so much resistance to this idea on this site of all places. The fact is that in real life (unlike in TV and movies) few people have the emotional intelligence to divine their partner's wants and needs from subtle cues. It may be somewhat unromantic (what does that even mean?) to sit down and write things out, but explicit communication about expectations, boundaries, and priorities can make a relationship function much more smoothly.

Re: To Stay in Love, Sign on the Dotted Line

#18

Post by taneq »

_RPM wrote: post #3

Sounds strange, and horrible. A relationship isn't a business.`

It is, though. The two of you are co-founding a family (even if there are no kids planned). The challenges you face when committing to a partner are exactly those you face when starting a business. OK, selling your progeny isn't a valid revenue stream to base your valuation on, but you're probably still going to seek 'venture capital' from a bank to buy a house.

Re: To Stay in Love, Sign on the Dotted Line

#19

Post by monksy »

I believe that this is a concerning side effect of the increasing inability for people to communicate and to trust others.

A contract is just to re-enforce an insecurity on both parties in a relationship. I'm all for discussing things even in that great detail to avoid conflict before hand. But a contract seems excessive and will probably be thrown away anyways.

[Soapbox] I'm convinced that most people are completely disconnected to others, and lack the skills to meet new people, handle rejection, and come down from overly high expectations. Just seems like narcissism and the lack of flexibility.

Re: To Stay in Love, Sign on the Dotted Line

#20

Post by creepydata »

pmarreck wrote: post #14

Intimidated by divorce statistics (a $50 billion industry in the US alone, 30-50% chance, etc.) and by a spate of divorces among my friends whose weddings I attended, Stephanie and I decided to do a domestic partnership. So far so good.

What's a "domestic partnership?" Is it a legal term?
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