“Let her speak please”

Ok, so the woman who is ostensibly the victim doesn't see it as sexism, but presumably a random man who wasn't there and didn't see the event is arguing it is. Hmm, who to believe? Why are you mansplaining sexism to a woman and denying her lived experience?

> If you watch the rest of the video you will find the moderator imposes himself and cuts off the panellists and talks over them multiple times, seemingly regardless of gender.

Honest question: Did you watch the rest of the video?

I did and completely disagree with your assessment.

I've had many of the same thoughts. To the point that I think I've become more racist because of them. Isn't that what racism is? Treating someone different because of their skin color?

I've instead resolved to think and worry less about it. I know I don't treat people different because of skin color, and that's good enough. If I'm rude to someone and they think it's race or gender related, that's their problem, not mine. (And I'm generally not a rude person, so it's not like happens all that often anyhow.)

What really started me down this path was a friend of mine (she's a "person of color") who honestly believes that "all white people are racist", "it's impossible to be racist against white people", and "all cops are corrupt", among other things.

After a while, I started to worry that all non-white people thought everyone was being racist all the time. Her poison infected me to the point that every time I passed a co-worker, I'd wonder if thought I was doing something racist at that moment.

I wasn't. I knew I wasn't. But I worried that they thought so.

But unless they're really good at hiding those feelings, they aren't thinking that. I know some of them well enough to know they'd show some outward sign of discomfort if that were the case.

In the end, I decided my friend was toxic to her own cause. Her constant (racist) posts about racism actually pushed me in the wrong direction, and I've had to correct for it.

Instead, I recognize that it's a kind of mental illness to expect everyone to be racist to you. Not just to guard against it, but to actually expect it. It's also a mental illness to think that nobody else could experience what you do, or understand it without actually experiencing it.

I can't fix those people. I can't only walk away and let them think whatever they want. I'll keep being a good person, and they'll have to deal with any bad feelings they're creating out of nothing.

No, this is silly. All language and behaviour has context. This idea that you can eliminate the shades of grey to find some absolute definition is largely what makes me uncomfortable with the more extreme proponents of this stuff. Such as those who believe particular words in isolation are always bad regardless of context.

It would be much healthier culturally if we take into full consideration the meaning and intent of the accused, as well as the feelings of the apparent victim. Which I feel like the OP's comment highlights.

For ex, the moderator could have been oblivious to the fact she hadn't spoken much, as the only woman there, and when he asked the question he may indeed have been so excited that he spoke for her. The kind of people who get moderator jobs at big events like this are the extrovert types. The ones who talk before listening... so I don't think that is entirely unrealistic here.

An extrovert too busy looking for a chance to talk himself, instead of being sensitive to the amount others have spoken? This just as likely as him believing he could do a better job at explaining the subject, merely because she was a woman.

So if we look at the objective facts: that a lone woman on a panel wasn't allowed to speak, even when her expert subject was brought up, would seem like the moderator was sexist. But digging into the context it's possible there was far more to it and this is often lost in the shades of grey when you only view it from a single perspective.

Speak your mind anyway. Many people on HN are under the same chilling effect as you. They say things they don't even believe because it's the right thing to say in coastal California.

In this day and age, you'll probably receive a couple of false accusations of racism and sexism per thousand interactions. You'll never be safe, so at least be honest.

If we're all dishonest, the tyrants win.

Aside: your postman sees people all day, he doesn't have time to assess your racial ideology (or lack thereof). Just be polite and receive your package. If he's being a dick, call him out. I had a UPS guy who would come by basically every day for a month, he'd announce my name from the package, but he'd always find a new way to mispronounce it (clearly intentional, he'd be grinning the whole time). His race never came to mind when I told him to go fuck himself when I switched to DHL.

I know that it's hard to imagine, but most non-white people are not the loony social justice types you see here and across the internet. In the U.S. West, some people are on edge w.r.t race because of their upbringing, but even then most are perfectly reasonable. You can probably tell which type of person you're working with by looking at them.