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How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

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Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

#81

Post by pavanred »

pavel_lishin wrote: post #53
atemerev wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Mildly? I still wonder how anybody could voluntarily opt for a second one. Thank God for the hardwired unconditional love for one's own children (I have heard that occasionally it doesn't work — poor souls). And still, I never even remotely expected anything like what has happened.

> I still wonder how anybody could voluntarily opt for a second one. We're opting out of that. I have no idea how people do it, especially with another small child in the house. (We also live far from family, in a one-bedroom apartment - when someone wakes up in our home, there's a 50% chance that everyone wakes up in our home.)

I know a couple who had their second kid while they had a small child already. They share the same feeling about it being very hard. But, their reasoning had something to do with how they grew up and how their kids would.

Both of them had siblings growing up, and by the time they had their first kid, they had this good family support system - parents (grand parents to the kid), siblings (aunts/uncles to the kid). Even after their parents are gone, there still are their siblings (their spouses and kids) that still are part of that family support system, an immediate family that you can trust and rely on (at least in most families, I guess).

They were worried that for their kid when he/she grows up, after they are gone, there would be no immediate family left at all. No siblings, so no aunts or uncles or cousins. This is made worse because the age when they had their first kid was almost a decade later compared to when their parents had their first kid. And, it doesn't help either that families are more spread now with people moving to different parts of the world for opportunities and careers than it was a generation ago.

Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

#82

Post by salad77 »

Broken_Hippo wrote: post #73
ci5er wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What about a king size bed? With dual twin size coverings? I'm not judging - but sleeping in the other room or on the other bed seems to defeat the point of being together, no? I was married for a long while - and I miss it. That said - she only weighed 95 pounds, so maybe not having to deal with king-kong in my bed helped.

You've not shared a bed with someone that wakes you. I'm that person. I snore. It wakes my spouse up at night, which causes him to wake me up... sort of. I'm not always conscious of him waking me, but I will temporarily roll over. I sleep pretty heavily (and always have), so waking me is difficult. I sleep more poorly when we share a bed, and he most definitely does. The best solution we've found is one of us going i…

If you snore that badly, consider visiting a respiratory and sleep specialist to test for sleep apnea. That level of snoring is not normal - you should not be waking people with your snoring and if you are tired in the morning and being late for work, that's an indication it is negatively affecting your life (and that of others too).

Been there. Done that.

After a sleep study, I started using a CPAP machine and it totally turned my sleep and life around.

Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

#83

Post by SeoxyS »

Mostly it's just a matter of getting used to it… when I first moved in with a long-term girlfriend, I didn't sleep well sharing the bed. But I quickly got used to it and it became a non-issue within months. years later, we broke up and I went back to sleeping alone… These days I frequently share a bed with various people and it's a non-issue; I sleep perfectly regardless of anyone else being in the bed.

Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

#84

Post by [deleted] »

pavel_lishin wrote: post #51
codingdave wrote: post #2

Welcome to the little-discussed world of adult sleeping arrangements, where many couples secretly don't sleep next to each other. We don't talk about it much because those who do sleep next to each other think that our relationships must be horribly broken, and we don't feel the need to justify our choices, or get into details of the logistics of our intimate lives. But talked about or not, it is true -- many more co…

We have a 15 month old daughter who sleeps in a crib in our room, and my wife is a light sleeper. Baby makes a noise, wife wakes up, wife takes an hour to fall back asleep. I keep telling her: please, sleep on the couch. Literally every time you sleep out there, you get better sleep, and feel better in the morning. But she always says no. I wish we were one of those couples who secretly, or otherwise, slept apart at…

[deleted]

Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

#85

Post by dang »

seshagiric wrote: post #49

The title takes the cake for click bait :) I think the interesting part is as the relationship matures, there is no emotional pull down in not sleeping close to each other and couple happily sleep a little far but on the same bed.

We took Show HN out of the title because the article is more of a blog post than a thing people can try.

We also took out "with my girlfriend", a form of bait in its own right, since the substance of the title remains the same without it.

Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

#86

Post by rconti »

ci5er wrote: post #45
codingdave wrote: post #2

Welcome to the little-discussed world of adult sleeping arrangements, where many couples secretly don't sleep next to each other. We don't talk about it much because those who do sleep next to each other think that our relationships must be horribly broken, and we don't feel the need to justify our choices, or get into details of the logistics of our intimate lives. But talked about or not, it is true -- many more co…

What about a king size bed? With dual twin size coverings? I'm not judging - but sleeping in the other room or on the other bed seems to defeat the point of being together, no? I was married for a long while - and I miss it. That said - she only weighed 95 pounds, so maybe not having to deal with king-kong in my bed helped.

hahaha, my investment in a king-sized bed has not increased the amount of space I have in bed since we shared a queen, but let me tell you, my wife has ALL THE ROOM IN THE WORLD! And she's only a hair over the size of your ex.

One thing I've realized, though, is it doesn't make a big difference to me. We're both fairly deep sleepers though occasionally my snoring wakes her and she nudges me and I roll over. We also have a couple of cats on the bed, and when they were kittens I'd sometimes wake up and yell at them for scratching elsewhere in the house.

What I've realized is, despite waking up more often, I'm not significantly less well-rested. I only seem to wake to a cat pawing my scalp or my wife rolling over when I'm already in very light sleep anyway, so it's no problem.

Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

#87

Post by gugagore »

saghm wrote: post #35
brewdad wrote: post #19

My wife and I came to the realization that the Europeans are onto something with the twin size duvets on full size beds after visiting last summer. Fortunately, neither of us snores much but she prefers to sleep with far less covers than I do. What used to be a constant battle of covers being tossed aside only to fail at reclaiming them later in the night now allows each of us to determine our own sleep temperature m…

OT, but I'm now super conflicted about whether the correct quantifier for covers is "less" or "fewer". I think I agree with you that "less" is more correct, but my inner pedantry can't shake the feeling that it sounds weird.

I think it's because, while "covers" is countable, you have a sort of continuous control of how much cover you have.

Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

#88

Post by le-mark »

ryanwaggoner wrote: post #50
tvelichkov wrote: post #25

Lol, you have no idea whats coming for you when you have a baby.

In terms of sleep disruption, yes. But not necessarily in terms of disruption in your bed. Even though it's all the rage, you don't have to co-sleep. We didn't, and our daughter slept through the night once she was 5 months and has always been an amazing sleeper (12 hours per night like clockwork).

Those of us who's children didn't sleep until 2+ really really hate you and people like you.

Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

#89

Post by toasterlovin »

Broken_Hippo wrote: post #73
ci5er wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What about a king size bed? With dual twin size coverings? I'm not judging - but sleeping in the other room or on the other bed seems to defeat the point of being together, no? I was married for a long while - and I miss it. That said - she only weighed 95 pounds, so maybe not having to deal with king-kong in my bed helped.

You've not shared a bed with someone that wakes you. I'm that person. I snore. It wakes my spouse up at night, which causes him to wake me up... sort of. I'm not always conscious of him waking me, but I will temporarily roll over. I sleep pretty heavily (and always have), so waking me is difficult. I sleep more poorly when we share a bed, and he most definitely does. The best solution we've found is one of us going i…

I'm that person in our marriage. I have noticed that my snoring is really bad when I'm exhausted by life (kids aren't letting us sleep, stressed out, etc). We have an arrangement where my wife kicks me out if she can't sleep and I spend the night on the couch. By definition, if I'm so tired that I'm snoring like that, sleeping on the couch is no big deal.

As far as vibrating alarms go: I use my Apple Watch as my alarm. It's set to silent, so it just vibrates when it's time for me to wake up. For the most part, my wife is never aware of it going off. It's been a total game changer for me.

Re: How Sharing a Bed Changed My Sleep

#90

Post by toasterlovin »

ryanwaggoner wrote: post #50
tvelichkov wrote: post #25

Lol, you have no idea whats coming for you when you have a baby.

In terms of sleep disruption, yes. But not necessarily in terms of disruption in your bed. Even though it's all the rage, you don't have to co-sleep. We didn't, and our daughter slept through the night once she was 5 months and has always been an amazing sleeper (12 hours per night like clockwork).

This. We moved all of our babies into separate rooms ASAP because hearing all of their sleep noises was killing our ability to sleep. Major win for us.
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