It happens to a majority of founders. I have panic attacks, i sometimes cry and I get sleep paralysis all the time. And unlike you, i am yet to even build a profitable business.
Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
281–290 of 527 posts
Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
#282Lol @ the people saying tell the wife that'll only make things worse. Bottom line you're a weak person and this depressive episode will destroy everything you've built. A strong person wouldn't cry in the shower for an hour or consider asking a woman for help. Sincerely not trying to shit on you or your situation but this is the real underlying problem. My advice would be therapy and prescription drugs. A weak person…
This is a tone deaf and just plain wrong comment. Who are you to be posting these negative words from a throwaway? Why don't you tell us your real identity as a successful entrepreneur if you're such a hot shot? OP, it's perfectly normal to be feeling this way. Humans aren't built to take the constant stress that growing a company requires. There's nothing wrong with talking out your problems in therapy with a profes…
It is tone deaf. But he's right.
OP, trust us when we say that crying to your wife will cause more harm.
Take as much money in as short of period of time as possible (after acquisition) then eject ASAP and only THEN deal with your issues.
If you eject now, you will be broke, wifeless and still fucked in the head.
May as well have a few 100k (or more) in the bank and be still fucked up than being broke and fucked up.
Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
#283Are you familiar with the concept of the False dilemma[0]? It seems as if you've limited yourself to an "either/or" situation when in fact there are countless other possible solutions to this problem.
Here are some possible alternatives:
- find a leadership coach and/or mentor
- delegate the parts of your job that you like the least
- find a way to reduce stress in your life (exercise, hobby, etc)
- try professional therapy
- share how you feel with your friends and/or family (maybe even leadership team)
- take a vacation
- work less
- define and respect clear work/life boundaries for yourself
- read about/learn how to manage stress more effectively
- create a project plan for yourself (what do _you_ want to accomplish for _yourself_ in the next 3,6,12 months)
I could go on and on.
Another thing I think that you should ask yourself is: would you really be happier working at WalMart? Is it really this specific job and role that's causing your unhappiness? Is there really nothing you can change to make you job more enjoyable? Is it possible that you're creating your own unhappiness?
From personal experience I highly recommend finding a great leadership coach. I had a leadership coach who really helped me tackle some potentially similar challenges I was having.
If you want to talk more feel free to ping me. Good luck!
Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
#284[deleted]
Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
#285If you read this, I want to say, "it's OK". seriously.
I have depression episodes, had one while my company sold.
Today isn't tomorrow, tomorrow isn't yesterday. Accept how you feel and make the best decisions, holistically, that you can.
If that means letting your partners negotiate because you're unable to? In spite of you building much of the value? Then giving you a dime on your dollar of equity?
That's fine. Seriously. I went through that literal situation, and it was the most important thing I've ever experienced.
Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
#286OP, you have more than the choices you listed.
Here's a choice:
Get acquired and then leave as soon as you can walk away with a mountain of cash.
Act like you will stay forever. But leave in a year. Leave money on the table if you must, but grab a huge chunk of it first.
Do not tell anyone about your plan. Not even your wife.
If you tell your wife how you feel, she will likely:
- Lose respect for you - start hunting for a better provider (Don't be surprised if she starts staying out late and you find she cheated on you)
- she will work to limit your access to your children.
Suck it up for just 1 more year. Make your decision (and make it final with only input from your closest friends and parents/brothers/etc)
Hypergamy is real. Do not listen to the crap here about therapy or sharing this with your wife. Mark my words, you will be in a more fucked up state whem she leaves you and you are broke too.
Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
#287Earlier quoted context omitted.
1) I never said that women are the only ones who do this. I just said if she is the type who will support you. Nowhere in my statement did I say anywhere near all women are of type X. You seemed to assume I meant that, which I didn't. I know the value of a supportive woman. My girlfriend is MOSTLY supportive but I don't dump everything on her. Learn to deal with stuff yourself and you'll be happier. 2) It absolutely…
> My girlfriend is MOSTLY supportive but I don't dump everything on her. Learn to deal with stuff yourself and you'll be happier. Learning to deal with stuff yourself doesn't preclude asking your partner for help with making a decision that can impact both of you for the rest of your lives.
You do what you like doing, and he'll do what he likes doing. This isn't an interesting argument.
Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
#288Earlier quoted context omitted.
That's ridiculous. 1) that's an idiotic stereotype. Men and women both will react in similar ways. 2) Doesn't make a difference what "type" of person she is. They are married and she has every right to know (and voice her opinion on) if a big part of their financial future will be impacted by him feeling burned out. Hopefully she'll be supportive, but either way she deserves to know the truth.
>1) that's an idiotic stereotype. Men and women both will react in similar ways. Do you say this from a position of experience and authority on this subject (i.e., you know that it is false because you yourself have experience with seeing how different people react to news like that), or do you disagree just because such statements conflict with your value system?
Not OP, but I believe this because if there is no evidence, we should assume there is no effect.
Gendered issues are highly problematic to bias, so it is imperative to redouble the value of force of science.
Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
#289Are you familiar with the concept of the False dilemma[0]? It seems as if you've limited yourself to an "either/or" situation when in fact there are countless other possible solutions to this problem. Here are some possible alternatives: - find a leadership coach and/or mentor - delegate the parts of your job that you like the least - find a way to reduce stress in your life (exercise, hobby, etc) - try professional…
+++++ for - take a vacation
Nothing else will give you better clarity.
Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
#290Earlier quoted context omitted.
1) I never said that women are the only ones who do this. I just said if she is the type who will support you. Nowhere in my statement did I say anywhere near all women are of type X. You seemed to assume I meant that, which I didn't. I know the value of a supportive woman. My girlfriend is MOSTLY supportive but I don't dump everything on her. Learn to deal with stuff yourself and you'll be happier. 2) It absolutely…
>blow you till your head pops Gross. Please practice better analogies. Edit: and the implication that sexual favors are the way a wife can support her husband... Geez...
Gross?
You must be a prudish woman.