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Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

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Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#251

Post by netaustin »

Vacation aside, I have a tactical suggestion that could help quickly if you can afford it: Hire an assistant. You get two things from this pretty quickly: instant help with your petty day to day tasks to allow you to save your energy for the truly grinding chores that only you can do, plus a teammate who will be by your side as you fight through the next couple years.

I have a relatively stressful founder job and have recently been able to do this. Just having someone who's in my inbox, seeing the same demands I see, makes it much easier to get through each day.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#252

Post by hitekker »

ridgeguy wrote: post #123

First, talk this over with your wife. She deserves to know what's going on with you and you need her counsel and strength. Second, recognize that an acquisition is a change of life - that can certainly make one feel anxious and depressed, no matter how much you may have looked forward to this milestone. Third, nobody is indispensable. If you died in a car crash today, the company would find a way to continue. In your…

Excellent advice, though I must say that

> If you died in a car crash today, the company would find a way to continue.

might not be the most comfortable way to describe a person's importance when they're feeling down. I would instead say "if you quit today suddenly with no warning,".

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#253

Post by [deleted] »

joyeuse6701 wrote: post #234
ggggtez wrote: post #220

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>blow you till your head pops Gross. Please practice better analogies. Edit: and the implication that sexual favors are the way a wife can support her husband... Geez...

It may have been crude, but his example isn't wrong. On the contrary is it not the case that sexual activity is recommended by therapists for stress relief? Is he really implicating anything here or is this fitting a predetermined narrative you've conjured?

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#254

Post by BrailleHunting »

Delegate - Hire some competent people to take over sales, product and engineering management.

Depression - Examine heirarchy of needs: Sufficient exercise, sleep, nutrition, social interaction and maybe medication if CBT doesnt work. Feeling not depressed is like a release from constant internal judgement, cloud of doom, negativity spectacles. For some people, it's only temporary, situational and existential to change one's agenda; for others, there is a genetic component which causes permanent, unrelenting major depression which is unlikely to be addressed without finding a suitable medication.

Transistion to a social venture - Setup a school or hospital in Botswana or Somaliland, or join the Peace Corps. There is plent of work that needs doing. Teach, mentor and/or build something that builds people ready for tomorrow.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#255

Post by justinclift »

openasocket wrote: post #245
joyeuse6701 wrote: post #234

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It may have been crude, but his example isn't wrong. On the contrary is it not the case that sexual activity is recommended by therapists for stress relief? Is he really implicating anything here or is this fitting a predetermined narrative you've conjured?

> is it not the case that sexual activity is recommended by therapists for stress relief? No. Not it is not the case. No therapist would suggest sex for stress relief. While there is some evidence suggesting regular sex can reduce stress, it's on the same order of magnitude as exercise, getting enough sleep, eating right, etc. Using sex with your partner as some sort of stress release activity is really not healthy f…

> Using sex with your partner as some sort of stress release activity is really not healthy for the relationship.

That sounds really strange to me. Is that from a religious viewpoint of sex? eg "sex is a sin" type of thing?

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#256

Post by late2part »

openasocket wrote: post #245
joyeuse6701 wrote: post #234

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It may have been crude, but his example isn't wrong. On the contrary is it not the case that sexual activity is recommended by therapists for stress relief? Is he really implicating anything here or is this fitting a predetermined narrative you've conjured?

> is it not the case that sexual activity is recommended by therapists for stress relief? No. Not it is not the case. No therapist would suggest sex for stress relief. While there is some evidence suggesting regular sex can reduce stress, it's on the same order of magnitude as exercise, getting enough sleep, eating right, etc. Using sex with your partner as some sort of stress release activity is really not healthy f…

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/paintracking/201111/the...

https://drstanhyman.com/sex-therapy/

https://www.beckinstitute.org/detail/sexual-dysfunctions/

http://www.refinery29.com/health-benefits-of-sex

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#258

Post by nerdy »

I'd encourage you to be transparent with your wife.

Tell her your situation. Ask what she thinks. Discuss options. Execute upon your mutual decision. Do it when you two have time to dig into the details.

Don't rush it but if you're unhappy that's no way to live. I'm leaving my company this summer, my business partner has known for some time. My wife knew first.

Look, I really don't know your situation but you might want to ask yourself why you felt it necessary to hide it from your wife. Can you not be honest with her? Are you trying to protect her? And if so, does it really protect her from anything or just give her a warped perception of the circumstances? Her opinion of this makes way more of a difference than anyone on HN.

Love your wife and be open and honest with her. She's far more important than any business.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#259

Post by xor1 »

cosinetau wrote: post #157
at-fates-hands wrote: post #135

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Most co-dependency relationships are those in your immediate family. source: had a father who was an alcoholic and had to learn this myself.

No where in this post did it imply that his wife has this behavior. HN nerds have a really bad habit of conflating and projecting. I'm sorry about your father, but you can't infer that about his wife from the given information; the severity of that implication is why your experience is as extraordinary and makes it difficult to buy that his wife is the problem. Imagine if we were advising him to remain silent about t…

>HN nerds have a really bad habit of conflating and projecting

Go read up on personality disorder clusters. No reason to paint with such broad strokes when you have wikipedia a click away.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personality_disorder#Personali...

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#260

Post by tigershark »

hitekker wrote: post #252
ridgeguy wrote: post #123

First, talk this over with your wife. She deserves to know what's going on with you and you need her counsel and strength. Second, recognize that an acquisition is a change of life - that can certainly make one feel anxious and depressed, no matter how much you may have looked forward to this milestone. Third, nobody is indispensable. If you died in a car crash today, the company would find a way to continue. In your…

Excellent advice, though I must say that > If you died in a car crash today, the company would find a way to continue. might not be the most comfortable way to describe a person's importance when they're feeling down. I would instead say "if you quit today suddenly with no warning,".

It's a common metaphor. There is also a risk measure explicitly based on this concept: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bus_factor But I guess that there are not that many buses there in US so a car crash may be more appropriate.
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