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Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

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Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#191

Post by gnaritas »

Negitivefrags wrote: post #121

Do not talk to your wife. Talk to your best friend, talk to your parents, talk to a therapist, don't talk to your wife. Your wife loves you so if you say you are depressed, she will be understanding and let you lay in bed all day if you want. She will make meals for you, she will do the chores around the house because she wants to help you and you feel too tired to do those things. But depression will only get worse…

> Do not talk to your wife.

That's pretty much never good advice; you should always talk to your wife, that's what a relationship is. If you aren't, your marriage is dysfunctional.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#193

Post by fipar »

cheez wrote: post #184

> First, talk this over with your wife. She deserves to know what's going on with you and you need her counsel and strength. Only if she's the type. Many women, for better or worse, will NOT be happy to hear this and will silently freak out, assuming the worst.

Many spouses/partners may not be happy to hear that. The founder could be a woman and the freaking out spouse the man, or another woman, for that matter. My point is I am pretty sure we can leave gender out of the equation.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#194

Post by cheez »

jaxomlotus wrote: post #190
cheez wrote: post #184

> First, talk this over with your wife. She deserves to know what's going on with you and you need her counsel and strength. Only if she's the type. Many women, for better or worse, will NOT be happy to hear this and will silently freak out, assuming the worst.

That's ridiculous. 1) that's an idiotic stereotype. Men and women both will react in similar ways. 2) Doesn't make a difference what "type" of person she is. They are married and she has every right to know (and voice her opinion on) if a big part of their financial future will be impacted by him feeling burned out. Hopefully she'll be supportive, but either way she deserves to know the truth.

1) I never said that women are the only ones who do this. I just said if she is the type who will support you. Nowhere in my statement did I say anywhere near all women are of type X. You seemed to assume I meant that, which I didn't. I know the value of a supportive woman. My girlfriend is MOSTLY supportive but I don't dump everything on her. Learn to deal with stuff yourself and you'll be happier.

2) It absolutely does make a difference. Freak out type? Divorce on top of the stress. Supportive? Let's go on a vacation and I'll blow you till your head pops.

Other people mentioned stoicism. You will naturally become stoic after making it through a brutal pain like this one. Stick it out. It is a superpower. It will help you withstand anything without buckling.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#196

Post by backpropaganda »

jaxomlotus wrote: post #190
cheez wrote: post #184

> First, talk this over with your wife. She deserves to know what's going on with you and you need her counsel and strength. Only if she's the type. Many women, for better or worse, will NOT be happy to hear this and will silently freak out, assuming the worst.

That's ridiculous. 1) that's an idiotic stereotype. Men and women both will react in similar ways. 2) Doesn't make a difference what "type" of person she is. They are married and she has every right to know (and voice her opinion on) if a big part of their financial future will be impacted by him feeling burned out. Hopefully she'll be supportive, but either way she deserves to know the truth.

He's not saying that only women can react in a bad way. Re-read the statement by replacing women with people and she with they.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#197

Post by nkrisc »

Negitivefrags wrote: post #121

Do not talk to your wife. Talk to your best friend, talk to your parents, talk to a therapist, don't talk to your wife. Your wife loves you so if you say you are depressed, she will be understanding and let you lay in bed all day if you want. She will make meals for you, she will do the chores around the house because she wants to help you and you feel too tired to do those things. But depression will only get worse…

Assuming a healthy relationship this is terrible advice. For example, in my case my wife is my best friend (duh, it's one of the reasons I married her!). In a healthy relationship partners should be able to talk about things like this in a productive manner.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#198

Post by gnaritas »

cantbecool wrote: post #158

I don't understand why you're being down voted. Most women can't handle adversity, especially if she doesn't work and relies on your income. Two relationships ended due to me losing my job and essentially coming clean saying I was depressed. In hindsight, they lost respect for me. People say you aren't your job, but psychologically it really is.

> Most women can't handle adversity

Hmm... massively sexist comment, and not remotely true. Two relationships is not a valid sample size to make judgements about "most women" and likely your hindsight is a bit flawed given your ideas about women.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#199

Post by yesimahuman »

dfuhriman wrote: post #31

The problem you are experiencing is a result of the lack of systems and processes in your business. You need to make an important hire- you are missing a systematic. See, creatives like you are awesome at solving problems but hate to have structure and order because it doesn't allow you 100% freedom. But, as a result, you just have 100% creativity/problem solving- which is draining. The worst thing is, you can't even…

I have experienced this first hand. Felt really insecure about my lack of passion for creating internal systems and processes, and instead hired a great person who is amazing at it and it's freed my co-founder and I up to do what we really love and excel at. I now know I don't need to be great at that other stuff, I have unique value to add on my own.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#200

Post by cheez »

fipar wrote: post #193
cheez wrote: post #184

> First, talk this over with your wife. She deserves to know what's going on with you and you need her counsel and strength. Only if she's the type. Many women, for better or worse, will NOT be happy to hear this and will silently freak out, assuming the worst.

Many spouses/partners may not be happy to hear that. The founder could be a woman and the freaking out spouse the man, or another woman, for that matter. My point is I am pretty sure we can leave gender out of the equation.

Yes, it is reasonable to replace women with people in my statement since... they are people.
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