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Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

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Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#21
post #7

There is a huge misunderstanding from people in tech regarding blue collar jobs. You guys are way too naive about what it entails to work at a grocery store or on a construction site. I've done it a few times during summer while studying CS to pay for my bills. They do shifts from 4am-12pm, or 12pm-8pm, or even night shift... They treat you like a bad kid, you get humiliated 24h/7 by who ever is higher in the "hierar…

I have two issues with this comment. First of all, the OP just described very serious signs of burnout and stress, but the top comment (this one as of this writing) isn't helpful - you are using the OP's raw discussion of their current emotional state to condemn a faceless portion of society for their privilege to not have to work blue collar jobs. You nitpicked the fact that the OP admitted wishful ideation about jobs and inadvertently invalidated that perspective. That's really not productive.

Less importantly, I agree construction sites are likely not a good candidate for the grass is greener perspective, but you're seriously overstating the difficulty of grocery store work. It's not abject misery the way you describe it. When I was younger I too worked in jobs like retail, restaurant and grocery stores. No, it wasn't as fun and liberating an environment as tech, but it was absolutely a more simple environment to work in. There was far less responsibility, and the stakes are lower when the job is basically just a throwaway one and not impactful for your career. The worst that happens in that context is you fail to sell as many TVs as your manager wanted, or you bring out the wrong food to a table, or you misscan an item as a cashier.

My point here is that I believe the OP is having ideation about jobs that seem less complex, not necessarily less difficult. This goes hand in hand with burnout - those jobs are not as fulfilling, but the OP would not have nearly as much responsibility, and the responsibility of running a successful startup on the verge of acquisition that he doesn't enjoy is clearly causing him a lot of anxiety. What the OP needs is an empathic perspective, not a lecture about how the grass isn't always greener.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#22
post #3

May be a stupid question but: can you suck it up until the acquisition goes through, take the money, leave, and try bagging stuff at a grocery store for a few months? Does the acquisition involves you signing a contract and being forced to stick around for a few years?

> Does the acquisition involves you signing a contract and being forced to stick around for a few years? Yes they range from 3 to 5 years, with much of the compensation coming from future earnings.

Don't take it the wrong way, but there are some unresolved problems that most probably caused your current feelings, you should make a list of them and try and solve them.

It is not possible - no offence intended - that you managed to lock yourself in a position such as the one you described, where your product/company/service/whatever can't live one week without you in the office.

And by the same token it is not possible that someone - knowingly - is going to give you money for something that can only work if you are not only at the steering wheel, but also doing the most relevant work all the time (it would be far too risky).

Now that is more clear that the offer is actually largely linked to future earnings (and obviously your future work) it sounds a lot like they are buying you and your competences (and not your company/whatever).

Maybe you should really talk first with someone that can help you with your (momentary) crisis (that would be psychological support, if you can stay away from prescribed drugs would be advisable) then - as soon as you have regained some objectiveness and a peaceful state of mind - take some time to talk with your immediate associates (be them co-founders, executives or employees) and try to make a plan to solve those problems (which seemingly essentially revolve around either missing resources in the company or missing attitude to delegate some of your work).

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#23

I mean, it's hard to truly know what somebody else is experiencing and to give advice in a situation like that. But if you're that close to an acquisition and if the acquistion stands to make a material difference in your life going forward (like, does it get you to "fu money"), then I'd lean towards "suck it up and stay long enough to cash out". OTOH, if the acquisition gets you, say, enough money for a new car, but…

I'd say it's not fu money. We're talking total deal size of I do think I'd regret not following through, you're right. The question is whether that regret is worse than multiple years of hating work. I guess I'm probably the only one who can answer that. I just took a week off and went out of town. Although everyone did manage to leave me alone while I was gone, people tried to do my job because they didn't want to k…

I went through a smaller acquisition which had milestone based earn-outs. Are your earn-outs time-based or milestone-based?

Mine were milestone based and I negotiated for 25% to be time-based. The company underwent a big re-org and the new leadership had their own projects which were prioritized so the milestones were never realized.

Just some food for thought while you're nearing LOI stage.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'd say it's not fu money. We're talking total deal size of I do think I'd regret not following through, you're right. The question is whether that regret is worse than multiple years of hating work. I guess I'm probably the only one who can answer that. I just took a week off and went out of town. Although everyone did manage to leave me alone while I was gone, people tried to do my job because they didn't want to k…

$10 million is definitely FU money.

Ya, $10m is comfortably above fu money even in silicon valley or NYC.

https://youtu.be/xdfeXqHFmPI

The size of the house you own and get to say fu from will vary, but the sentiment is the same as long as you own it.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#25
post #21
post #7

There is a huge misunderstanding from people in tech regarding blue collar jobs. You guys are way too naive about what it entails to work at a grocery store or on a construction site. I've done it a few times during summer while studying CS to pay for my bills. They do shifts from 4am-12pm, or 12pm-8pm, or even night shift... They treat you like a bad kid, you get humiliated 24h/7 by who ever is higher in the "hierar…

I have two issues with this comment. First of all, the OP just described very serious signs of burnout and stress, but the top comment (this one as of this writing) isn't helpful - you are using the OP's raw discussion of their current emotional state to condemn a faceless portion of society for their privilege to not have to work blue collar jobs. You nitpicked the fact that the OP admitted wishful ideation about jo…

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#26

There are professionals out there whose job it is to help out people in situations like yours. Before you make any life changing decisions I would talk to one. CEO's, Hedgefund Managers, Sport Stars, they all talk to psychologists. Give it a try.

I strongly second this suggestion. Unfortunately there is a stigma to speaking with mental health professionals, but I'm a strong proponent of doing so even when there is nothing necessarily "wrong" in your life.

Speaking as someone who just recently experienced burnout for the first time in his career (along with losing several friends in the past year), and is now taking it easy for a while, you owe it to yourself to speak to someone about what you're feeling.

You've gotten to the point where you're hiding in the bathroom with the water running so your wife doesn't know you're crying. There is no shame in admitting weakness, and you have a lot to be proud of in your position. Let people in who can help.

While you're at it, take a vacation (even if only for a few days) and clear your head. If you don't want to talk to a professional, go somewhere with your wife and talk about what you're feeling.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#27

I mean, it's hard to truly know what somebody else is experiencing and to give advice in a situation like that. But if you're that close to an acquisition and if the acquistion stands to make a material difference in your life going forward (like, does it get you to "fu money"), then I'd lean towards "suck it up and stay long enough to cash out". OTOH, if the acquisition gets you, say, enough money for a new car, but…

I'd say it's not fu money. We're talking total deal size of I do think I'd regret not following through, you're right. The question is whether that regret is worse than multiple years of hating work. I guess I'm probably the only one who can answer that. I just took a week off and went out of town. Although everyone did manage to leave me alone while I was gone, people tried to do my job because they didn't want to k…

That's $13 million each. If that doesn't count as FU money I don't know what does. Even what you'll get upfront might already be in the FU money bracket. Calculating that threshold actually is quite easy (as per Mr. Money Mustache): If you have more than 12 times your annual expenses in assets you never have to work again.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#28
Go work on a contruction site for a few days. You'll be running back to your old 'miserable life', believe you me.

What is it with this romantic view of supposedly stress free jobs of filling shelves with food or digging a hole for a garden tree ( the easiest thing in construction ).

I feel your pain since I get similar feelings as you sometimes but then I remember 20 something me doing roofing and breaking ice on a path with a big ass hammer for tourists to enjoy a walk around the lake. It sucks.

I can only offer you one solution that I would personally do if I were at your place right now... Sell asap and move on.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#29
Lots of good advice already:

- Let it all out to a psychologist (definitely this)

- Take a holiday somewhere sunny and not too crowded (definitely this)

- And most definitely this, your new job: how you can delegate your work as much as possible, AND how best to upskill your new "minions"

Hang in there, OP :)

Edit to add: don't forget to talk to your wife about your real state!

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