I've gone through this recently, and it's very difficult to overcome. I've read close to 50 books on topics like this, and some of the best advice I have gotten are from 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Turn that ship around, Talent is Overrated, Flow, and The power of habit. These books provide mental models and frameworks that you can start using immediately to overcome this issue. What I've found is most peopl…
Isn't basing your values on the eulogy mind experiment you've described also a form of acting out of need for validation?
Humans need validation. How much validation we need, and what the sources of validation are, in my opinion, are more important then the fact of getting validation. Inherently when you seek validation, you're seeking acknowledgement and reassurance. You get a solid boost of dopamine when you present something you've worked on for 6 months and you get incredible feedback. You get the confidence that you're now capable of becoming a world class performer after finishing up 4 years at Julliard and do your solo performance. You then renew this sense of confidence with every single performance that happens afterwards(if they all go well).
My viewpoint is that if you're only producing for the validation of outside sources, you're eventually going to get burnt out. If you're producing only for validation, at a certain point you're not going to get the validation you thought you deserved and it's going to be demoralizing. This shouldn't limit your growth, though for a lot of people it does. You're chasing a false sense of security by gaining validation purely from others, and what I intend to do personally is strip that dependency of validation from others as a predictor of my own happiness.
That's where having personal values and a guiding principle come in hand. If you have a set of values and goals and roles that you're actively working towards that is well balanced, with a set of refined habits you could get validation from within before you seek validation from the outside. This enables you to find joy in mindless activities like cleaning up the house, gardening, doodling and daydreaming, because you know that when you're not meandering you're likely working on something that directly reinforces one of your core values. You get the positive reinforcement simply through your own habit, leading to a happier mindset before you even begin to share with the world whatever you wanted too. Hopefully this will allow you to take feedback positively, and work towards a better goal. It lets you not get too attached to every thing you create, removes the hovering parent effect on whatever you're creating, and forces you to be a bit more objective.
TL;DR; Validation is a necessary component of human existence, but the source of validation can be altered so that you can find purpose from within as opposed to relying on the outside world for validation. This I postulate is an integral part of becoming an active producer.