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My Family’s Slave

theatlantic.com

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Re: My Family’s Slave

#571

Post by poweribo »

neaden wrote: post #5

A well written story. I'd be interested in hearing from any Filipino commentators how common this practice still is/is perceived to be in the Philippines today. It's ranked 33/167 by Global Slavery Index[0] as compared to the US at #52. [0] https://www.globalslaveryindex.org/country/philippines/

A live-in househelp is very common and it is true that even the not-well-to-do families even have their own katulongs, normally a relative who are a lot poorer than them. In fact, we had several throughout my childhood (all have wages btw). we call them Yaya instead of Lola (ymmv). My Aunt was like the authors Mom the way she treated the "katulongs" but that story is for another time. My Mom even used to be a katulong. Her story is probably the same as many other Filipinos born in poverty. Her mom (my grandma) worked for my-now Aunt, and let my mom stay and help with house chores, in exchange for school tuition as my grandmas wage can hardly cover it. We have househelps until now, they stayed with us for like 15-20 years and becoming our secondary parents/aunties. We give them health care plan, weekend holidays, bonuses. They have their own rooms too. Whenever I visit Philippines, I always makes sure they get their extra bonuses. Every time I send "balikbayan" boxes, they are first in line to rummage ;P. They dont really have anywhere to go after living with us for so long. They have become family. I have heard similar of Alex Tizon's story in HK and Singapore. Filipino overseas workers basically becomes the primary mom, stays with the host family till theirs kids have families of their own and yet treated like shit (ie. they dont get to eat dinner on the same table of the host family but responsible for raising her kid). Id say wtf now but I remember my Aunt... rest in peace.

Re: My Family’s Slave

#572

Post by Mz »

PhasmaFelis wrote: post #570
Mz wrote: post #560

Earlier quoted context omitted.

FWIW, I went and checked your comments and nothing you said was what I was talking about. I don't think your remarks about the mother had even been made when I made my comment. There are people who are talking about the terrible thing the mother did when her own father wanted to punish her for lying and she said "Lola will take my punishment." Why vilify her and not her father, who made Lola a slave to begin with, wh…

> FWIW, I went and checked your comments and nothing you said was what I was talking about. I don't think your remarks about the mother had even been made when I made my comment. I'm talking about what's in the article we're discussing. If you were talking about one specific incident only, you should have said that. If the mother isn't responsible because her father was abusive, why assume that her father was respons…

For the record, I think you are misunderstanding my point.

Re: My Family’s Slave

#573

Post by poweribo »

poweribo wrote: post #571
neaden wrote: post #5

A well written story. I'd be interested in hearing from any Filipino commentators how common this practice still is/is perceived to be in the Philippines today. It's ranked 33/167 by Global Slavery Index[0] as compared to the US at #52. [0] https://www.globalslaveryindex.org/country/philippines/

A live-in househelp is very common and it is true that even the not-well-to-do families even have their own katulongs, normally a relative who are a lot poorer than them. In fact, we had several throughout my childhood (all have wages btw). we call them Yaya instead of Lola (ymmv). My Aunt was like the authors Mom the way she treated the "katulongs" but that story is for another time. My Mom even used to be a katulon…

as a follow-up to my post above, we have poor relatives who would ask for financial assistance to their schooling. My moms approach would be, sure I'll give you your tuition money but youll have to stay in hour house, free food and lodging but youll have to help with the chores. My mom lives off on the "pension" we send her on a regular basis (no income nor pension money from govt) so I think thats just fair. There aint no such thing as free lunch. Youd be surprised that some of these relatives would refuse but hey choose your own life path.

Re: My Family’s Slave

#574

Post by nylonstrung »

Symbiote wrote: post #410
ksenzee wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> we probably all know a Lola Not sure what your value of "we" is. I've never met anyone like Lola, and I've never heard a story like this from anyone I know. Then again, I didn't have a housekeeper or know anyone who did. People in my social class were glad to keep the electric bill paid and have a working car to drive.

A few people I socialised with at university had live-in housekeepers, and I wouldn't be surprised if one or two of them had a rough time. Most of the students from Asia or the Middle East, whose parents were paying tens of thousands of pounds for their child to attend a British university, had staff at their parents' home. One close friend was a British girl who'd grown up in Hong Kong, with a full-time au pair. She…

That's pretty insane and a stifling arrangement for everyone involved I'd imagine.

Why does a college kid need a live-in housekeeper?

Re: My Family’s Slave

#575

Post by jordigh »

poweribo wrote: post #567
jordigh wrote: post #554

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I didn't find the author very sympathetic. He obviously knew something was wrong but never did enough to fix it. I think the article was more of a confession than anything. I get the feeling that the author was wracked with guilt.

how would you fix it as a teenager? did you get to the part where he took Lola to live with his family and treated like a real family? she was already family. looks like you didnt read the whole story.

I read the whole thing, and I still think he didn't feel like he did enough, because she couldn't stop acting like a slave, because he couldn't pay enough money to send her home once he was an adult, because he couldn't turn his back on his parents over what they did to her.

I get the feeling he felt very guilty, even as an adult, and was trying to confess (shortly before dying, interesting).

Re: My Family’s Slave

#576

Post by poweribo »

lordnacho wrote: post #20

I had a terrible "Billy" moment a few years ago. I was travelling and a friend said I could use her house, because it was empty. This was perfect for me, since I had a wife and kid. It turns out there was a housekeeper. She did everything for us, made us feel very comfortable, cooked, served, helped with the kid, etc. Then one day I found out she didn't have her own room, despite the place being a multi storey mansio…

at least share this article to your friend and ask her innocently what she thinks. and then pounce on her for being a hypocritical evil b1tch. good luck. im just kidding but pls do it. lol.

Re: My Family’s Slave

#577

Post by MockObject »

scott_karana wrote: post #535
MockObject wrote: post #525

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The place that they sleep during the weekdays. Or do all the maids always sleep on the street?

It's not their home, is the distinction GP was making

That's a distinction without a difference. They have a bed during the weekdays; why can't they sleep there on the weekends too? That was the question.

Re: My Family’s Slave

#578

Post by poweribo »

bmmayer1 wrote: post #107
southphillyman wrote: post #100

Interesting that the author and his siblings had empathy for the servant. In most American Slavery stories the entire household, including young children, are portrayed as being evil and unforgiving towards the slaves. In these situations I wonder if there is any sort of innate feeling of compassion and decency and how that manifest itself in a culture where slavery and cruelty is the norm.

Yes, except as a full grown adult, the author never reported the situation to the authorities, took this 'secret' to the grave and even 'inherited' his slave from his parents. He said he paid her an allowance (which didn't sound like much) and also didn't make her work after she lived with them, but that's a token effort to right the injustice of decades of work without pay.

What do you think would happen if you report the family to the authorities? it was a tragedy but I bet making her life a lot less miserable is the best one can do. In case you havent realized yet from reading the story, he considers her second mom and Lola considers him her son and his offsprings her grandkids. Your "authorities" will just throw everyone into a bureaucratic hell.

Re: My Family’s Slave

#579

Post by Symbiote »

nylonstrung wrote: post #574
Symbiote wrote: post #410

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A few people I socialised with at university had live-in housekeepers, and I wouldn't be surprised if one or two of them had a rough time. Most of the students from Asia or the Middle East, whose parents were paying tens of thousands of pounds for their child to attend a British university, had staff at their parents' home. One close friend was a British girl who'd grown up in Hong Kong, with a full-time au pair. She…

That's pretty insane and a stifling arrangement for everyone involved I'd imagine. Why does a college kid need a live-in housekeeper?

Back home.

Not at university in London.

Maybe I didn't make that clear.

Re: My Family’s Slave

#580

Post by thesuitonym »

vvdcect wrote: post #308
song wrote: post #235

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, I've seen families in Malaysia and Singapore that really treated their housekeeper badly. In a lot of cases, they are not allowed to go out of the apartment either because of potential pregnancy or because they are scared of the housekeeper stealing things from them. They bring housekeepers from Indonesia and pay them very little. The housekeepers have to work a lot of hours and are pretty much treated as slaves…

I only can speak for malaysia and yes this issue doesn't get brought up much, it's quite sickening to be honest. What is even more interesting is that most of the housekeepers are hired by the middle class, the same middle class that is wants racial equality in malaysia..

You'll find that a lot of people want equality when it means they gain something, but get quiet when equality means they have to do something.
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