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My Family’s Slave

theatlantic.com

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Re: My Family’s Slave

#91

Post by naiveattack »

lordnacho wrote: post #20

I had a terrible "Billy" moment a few years ago. I was travelling and a friend said I could use her house, because it was empty. This was perfect for me, since I had a wife and kid. It turns out there was a housekeeper. She did everything for us, made us feel very comfortable, cooked, served, helped with the kid, etc. Then one day I found out she didn't have her own room, despite the place being a multi storey mansio…

Take a homeless person and let them sleep in your kitchen in exchange for mowing your lawn -> moral hero.

Build a mansion around this kitchen -> morally reprehensible

It seems contrast in an unrelated area has confused the morally righteous over here.

Do you own a nice car? Have a room in your house that is currently empty? There are people out there who could use some of that wealth for food.

How would you feel if this wasn't a mansion but instead a small shack with only a kitchen and an adjacent room?

It seems we're ok with: Low contrast at any distance, High contrast at large distances.

But not high contrast at short distances

It's good the woman in the story has shelter and a place to sleep.

Re: My Family’s Slave

#92

Post by arthur_pryor »

lordnacho wrote: post #84
Jare wrote: post #57

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Picture yourself telling this story to your kid one day. Then your kid asking you "and what did you do?" Then yourself telling them what you did or what you did not do. If you are honest throughout that mental exercise, your next steps, whatever they may be, should be a lot easier to take.

Going through it in my head now, actually. It seems there's an opportunity to meet my friend in person soon. I'll use it to ask about what exactly happened. It's not the kind of thing that comes across well electronically, you really need to be there in real time looking at the reaction. It also needs to be managed properly because this friend is in a somewhat fragile state for completely separate reasons. The last t…

way to at least try to engage with the issue. best of luck.

Re: My Family’s Slave

#95

Post by urbanj »

lordnacho wrote: post #84
Jare wrote: post #57

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Picture yourself telling this story to your kid one day. Then your kid asking you "and what did you do?" Then yourself telling them what you did or what you did not do. If you are honest throughout that mental exercise, your next steps, whatever they may be, should be a lot easier to take.

Going through it in my head now, actually. It seems there's an opportunity to meet my friend in person soon. I'll use it to ask about what exactly happened. It's not the kind of thing that comes across well electronically, you really need to be there in real time looking at the reaction. It also needs to be managed properly because this friend is in a somewhat fragile state for completely separate reasons. The last t…

This really isn't about attaining some impossible standard of perfection. If it was your child being treated like that, what would you do? Would you hope that someone who witnessed your child being treated like that would say or do something?

Re: My Family’s Slave

#96

Post by devopsproject »

deft wrote: post #68
devopsproject wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> because what on earth do you say? For starters: Why is a woman sleeping on a mat in your kitchen? you need new friends

Have you considered he has the friends he has because they fit? He didn't speak up because it wasn't a big enough deal for him.

He is at least aware that what is happening was not quite right. It is concerning that he cared more about rich friends feelings than the woman sleeping in dirt but there isn't really enough here to label him a sociopath :)

Re: My Family’s Slave

#97

Post by obstinate »

Chaebixi wrote: post #78
bflesch wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So you're trying to tell us that your feeling of uncomfortness is the only thing stopping you from growing a spine and standing up for such an inhumane treatment, that apart from you nobody else can witness? Have some decency and confront your so-called friend. How can people be rich and not have the decency to give the person feeding you and your family a freaking room. And I really had to constrain myself from usin…

> your feeling of uncomfortness is the only thing stopping you from growing a spine and standing up for such an inhumane treatment > Have some decency and confront your so-called friend. I think your advice falls into the "much easier to say (from a great distance) than do" category. The people who unfailingly and immediately know and do the moral thing, regardless of personal cost or expectation of results, are ofte…

> I think your advice falls into the "much easier to say (from a great distance) than do" category.

What of it? You still don't allow people to remain in a state of slavery when it is within your power to free them with just a phone call to the police. It doesn't have to be easy to do to be unacceptable not to do.

Re: My Family’s Slave

#98

Post by MrLeap »

Chaebixi wrote: post #85
MrLeap wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There is no question in my mind that I would confront anyone I knew engaging in the situation you're describing. Among my circles, injustices always seem to be a third person. Mostly bosses. Boss doesn't give you a day off despite a month of notice. Boss dicks you around on hours or a promised promotion. The people I consider friends are folks I can talk to about morality. I've grown as a person based on the critical…

> There is no question in my mind that I would confront anyone I knew engaging in the situation you're describing. Among my circles, injustices always seem to be a third person. But there should be a question in your mind unless you've actually confronted something like this yourself (with all of it's associated complexity). Until then, your certainty is only a fantasy.

Sure, a fantasy. I doubt you can be convinced, but let me try.

I was always sure that if someone broke into my home, I would confront them - lethally - if necessary, despite any complexities. Dignity is important to me, and I'm willing to take risks to keep it. When I was a sweet summer child I used to think that was the default state of adulthood.

Well, recently someone did break into my home at 3am. Coincidentally I was sleeping on the couch right in front of the front door. My eyes opened to the sight of a strange man in dark clothes standing inside my home. I went from half asleep to awake and armed faster than I've done anything else from deep sleep. If they had shown me any signs of aggression I'd have shot them. Fortunately for both of us they panicked and fled.

You're right, the action itself wasn't a thing I deliberated on or decided in that moment. I told myself I'd do it, but the way I responded in that acute moment was instinctual and adrenaline fueled.

There are actually some weak parallels between a home invasion and finding out your friend might be a slave owner.

I can understand why some people would respond to a home invasion with submission. For some folks, that doesn't even touch their personal definition of dignity, the function is life > stuff and I can respect that completely.

Yet, when you see your friend possibly engaging in slavery, and mistreating them to boot.. it's like home invasion with the personal stakes all lowered. Your life isn't on the line, just potentially the life of the victim and your friendship. Not only that, but the time frame is extended from do-or-die adrenaline to days of deliberation if you want. I'd have to work real hard to come up with some complexities that shake my confidence on how I'd react here. Basically the maid would have to be skeletor or a war criminal. I really wish more people were backing me up on this. I'm pretty blown away.

But yeah my knees would probably buckle and i'd let them continue with their evil so things wouldn't get awkward. Lol nope.

Re: My Family’s Slave

#99

Post by _0nac »

shas3 wrote: post #51

Great read! Many Asian countries have the concept of live-in housekeepers. I think the 'best' (scraping the bottom, here) arrangement is in Singapore, where the government, laws, and law-enforcement ensure that immigrant live-in housekeepers are treated fairly- kinda like au pairs, etc. in the US. I knew someone in India who brought their live-in maid's sister to the US in some capacity (and AFAIK, paid her wages- sh…

Abuse is rampant in Singapore as well though. For example, if a maid becomes pregnant, they have to leave Singapore immediately and the employer gets fined -- so it's common to lock them in the apartment 24/7/365 for however many years their contract is.

Legally, they're supposed to have one day a week off, but in practice this is not enforced and the maid has no leverage: many have paid large sums to brokers and need to work several years just to repay their debts.

Re: My Family’s Slave

#100

Post by southphillyman »

Interesting that the author and his siblings had empathy for the servant. In most American Slavery stories the entire household, including young children, are portrayed as being evil and unforgiving towards the slaves. In these situations I wonder if there is any sort of innate feeling of compassion and decency and how that manifest itself in a culture where slavery and cruelty is the norm.
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