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My Family’s Slave

theatlantic.com

61–70 of 645 posts

Re: My Family’s Slave

#61

I had a terrible "Billy" moment a few years ago. I was travelling and a friend said I could use her house, because it was empty. This was perfect for me, since I had a wife and kid. It turns out there was a housekeeper. She did everything for us, made us feel very comfortable, cooked, served, helped with the kid, etc. Then one day I found out she didn't have her own room, despite the place being a multi storey mansio…

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Re: My Family’s Slave

#62

I had a terrible "Billy" moment a few years ago. I was travelling and a friend said I could use her house, because it was empty. This was perfect for me, since I had a wife and kid. It turns out there was a housekeeper. She did everything for us, made us feel very comfortable, cooked, served, helped with the kid, etc. Then one day I found out she didn't have her own room, despite the place being a multi storey mansio…

Yes, please, do something about this. Talk to your friend. Call the cops. Leave an anonymous tip and try to follow up. Something. Custom, law, and your own sense of right say so.

Billy isn't the villain—but is he the role model you aspire to? If your kid learns your online identity some day and they stumble across this, is this the end of the story you want them to hear?

Re: My Family’s Slave

#63
post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So you're trying to tell us that your feeling of uncomfortness is the only thing stopping you from growing a spine and standing up for such an inhumane treatment, that apart from you nobody else can witness? Have some decency and confront your so-called friend. How can people be rich and not have the decency to give the person feeding you and your family a freaking room. And I really had to constrain myself from usin…

> Have some decency and confront your so-called friend. Sounds like you haven't been in this situation. You know, there's often a gap between how good we think we are, and how good we are. I feel terrible about it, and the subject comes up now and again of whether we should say something, and my wife and I feel bad. It's easy to tell people what they should do, I do it all the time as well, even to myself.

Agreed. What I've been discovering lately is that, the first time you speak out and experience that intense awkwardness (making waves, creating conflict, etc), it's hard. Then it gets easier. It's like standing up for what's right is a muscle that needs exercising.

Re: My Family’s Slave

#64
post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You need to take a look at yourself in the mirror. It's still not too late to talk to your friend and express your utter disgust at how that lady is being treated. Why haven't you done that?

One reason is I almost never hear from this friend since his relocation to another part of the world. Another is they have enough issues going on, personal issues requiring a lot of work, and being told they are a slave owner would not help. Perhaps most importantly my friend is not the direct slave owner, if that is indeed the relationship. It's my friend's dad, a guy I've barely even met. Perhaps if he was around,…

What about the slave?

Re: My Family’s Slave

#65
post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Have some decency and confront your so-called friend. Sounds like you haven't been in this situation. You know, there's often a gap between how good we think we are, and how good we are. I feel terrible about it, and the subject comes up now and again of whether we should say something, and my wife and I feel bad. It's easy to tell people what they should do, I do it all the time as well, even to myself.

I understand your reasoning and try acting decently (even though I probably fail often). Of course it is easier to point out mistakes instead of changing oneself to the better. I think it is commendable that you were so open about your thoughts, which empowered a stranger like me to take a moral shit on your behavior in this specific situation. I have some acquaintances with weird/antisocial/borderline illegal behavi…

I've had some acquaintances do some weird, antisocial, definitely illegal things. I can't recall a time when an acquaintance has done something that appears as evil as the situation we're discussing.

Best case interpretation that I can make, ignoring the floor mat. They were micromanaging when their employee wakes up despite their daily responsibilities being temporarily reduced (home owners were away).

If I had a friend doing even the above, I'd at LEAST ask "explain to me how this isn't you being a dick." That's just getting to know them. Don't you want to know the people you're friends with?

Re: My Family’s Slave

#66
post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So you're trying to tell us that your feeling of uncomfortness is the only thing stopping you from growing a spine and standing up for such an inhumane treatment, that apart from you nobody else can witness? Have some decency and confront your so-called friend. How can people be rich and not have the decency to give the person feeding you and your family a freaking room. And I really had to constrain myself from usin…

> Have some decency and confront your so-called friend. Sounds like you haven't been in this situation. You know, there's often a gap between how good we think we are, and how good we are. I feel terrible about it, and the subject comes up now and again of whether we should say something, and my wife and I feel bad. It's easy to tell people what they should do, I do it all the time as well, even to myself.

yeah, i get you, and i'm not saying i'd necessarily do better. though i'd hope i would[0]. but just because you acted in a way that others would find relatable, or because others might act in the same way, doesn't make that action right. sometimes we need to call each other out on the hard stuff.

if you feel that bad about it, you should probably bring it up with your friend.

0 - also, i'd hope that my character judgement is good enough that i wouldn't be close friends with someone like that. though of course, people change, we don't always choose who we like, etc etc.

Re: My Family’s Slave

#67
post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You need to take a look at yourself in the mirror. It's still not too late to talk to your friend and express your utter disgust at how that lady is being treated. Why haven't you done that?

One reason is I almost never hear from this friend since his relocation to another part of the world. Another is they have enough issues going on, personal issues requiring a lot of work, and being told they are a slave owner would not help. Perhaps most importantly my friend is not the direct slave owner, if that is indeed the relationship. It's my friend's dad, a guy I've barely even met. Perhaps if he was around,…

You understand that you are now complicit in her abuse, yes? You understand that you are an accomplice to this crime?

Re: My Family’s Slave

#68

I had a terrible "Billy" moment a few years ago. I was travelling and a friend said I could use her house, because it was empty. This was perfect for me, since I had a wife and kid. It turns out there was a housekeeper. She did everything for us, made us feel very comfortable, cooked, served, helped with the kid, etc. Then one day I found out she didn't have her own room, despite the place being a multi storey mansio…

> because what on earth do you say? For starters: Why is a woman sleeping on a mat in your kitchen? you need new friends

Have you considered he has the friends he has because they fit? He didn't speak up because it wasn't a big enough deal for him.

Re: My Family’s Slave

#69

I had a terrible "Billy" moment a few years ago. I was travelling and a friend said I could use her house, because it was empty. This was perfect for me, since I had a wife and kid. It turns out there was a housekeeper. She did everything for us, made us feel very comfortable, cooked, served, helped with the kid, etc. Then one day I found out she didn't have her own room, despite the place being a multi storey mansio…

Stop thinking about thinking about it, and do something about it for god's sake "Lord" Nacho.

Re: My Family’s Slave

#70
post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You need to take a look at yourself in the mirror. It's still not too late to talk to your friend and express your utter disgust at how that lady is being treated. Why haven't you done that?

One reason is I almost never hear from this friend since his relocation to another part of the world. Another is they have enough issues going on, personal issues requiring a lot of work, and being told they are a slave owner would not help. Perhaps most importantly my friend is not the direct slave owner, if that is indeed the relationship. It's my friend's dad, a guy I've barely even met. Perhaps if he was around,…

The personal problems of someone rich vs treating a human being with basic dignity.

I don't even know what to say to you, man.

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