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Don’t Let Facebook Make You Miserable

nytimes.com

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Re: Don’t Let Facebook Make You Miserable

#11

Post by _m8fo »

the common counter to this feeling is that if facebook makes you miserable, then your friends are probably just not good ones.

of course, this ignores that we all have friends who do things we don't like, and they're friends in spite of that. so the question is, given that facebook is used mainly for

1. communication

2. event planning

3. keeping the relationship alive.

how do you get those things without all of the bloat, both cognitively and as a matter of tech?

I feel that facebook is overkill if that's indeed true. what we (or at least I) need is just something that will sift through my calendar and all forms of communication and just let me know if I haven't contacted a friend in so often.

such a thing would eliminate the need for facebook for 99% of people, I suspect.

Re: Don’t Let Facebook Make You Miserable

#12

Post by spacelizard »

tsm wrote: post #5

Facebook doesn't make me miserable because I feel like I'm having less fun and being less glamorous than the friends on my news feed—it makes me miserable because it's an addicting timewaster with minimal utility and I'd much rather be [reading a book, playing music, writing software, hanging out with friends IRL, working on a project, sleeping, watching TV…]

I've noticed Facebook seems to be really good at spamming me with useless notifications, it even somehow manages to do it after I've unfriended 90% of the people that I am not close friends with and blocked most notification types. Yeah I could prune my friends list even further and only check it passively, but then all I'm stuck with is basically an incredibly bloated email/chat service that is loaded with ads. Then again this is the 21st century, a lot of other tech products seem to fit that exact description too. In any case, I'm a lot happier after deleting it.

Re: Don’t Let Facebook Make You Miserable

#13

Post by nissehulth »

I did leave FB for awhile. But I realized that there are groups on Facebook that I do find interesting. I do get the occasional event invite on FB, sometimes personal, sometimes even work related. And, there are some people I enjoy communicating with, on Facebook.

But, I really don't have much interest in what most of my friends post. Luckily, it's easy to just "unfollow" them to declutter my feed. They are still on my friends list and we can still communicate via FB/Messenger if needed. I just don't have to scroll through pictures of their food or kids or pets.

Re: Don’t Let Facebook Make You Miserable

#14

Post by exergy »

austincheney wrote: post #9
sotojuan wrote: post #2

I have to say, I am glad no one in my social group cared when I left Facebook. We still talk and hang out. That said, I did not have any "miserable" problems with Facebook because I removed everyone from my wall except close friends and family, essentially making Facebook just Messenger. Maybe Facebook changed the rules by now or something, but I recommend to ruthlessly unfollow people you don't care for but might wa…

Agreed. I took it to another level... and deleted my Facebook account. If I need to be social I have a cell phone.

Me too, and it was simultaneously the best thing I ever did, and also "meh". For one, very few people cared that I left Facebook, and those who did were fortunately the ones who actually cared about me. Also, I expected it to be this big, life-changing, zen-inducing move, but turns out, I replaced FB with Reddit, HN and youtube.

On the other hand, every so often, whenever I come across other people's Facebook wall, I realise that I'm not really missing out on people sharing their life, but instead, on looking at long pages of the loud, angry venting, and I realise that, at some point over the past four years, I went from missing facebook to realising that I'd built up too much mental resistance against it to ever put myself through opening an account ever again. That, plus the feel-good factor I get from being "more privacy conscious".

Re: Don’t Let Facebook Make You Miserable

#15

Post by [deleted] »

austincheney wrote: post #9
sotojuan wrote: post #2

I have to say, I am glad no one in my social group cared when I left Facebook. We still talk and hang out. That said, I did not have any "miserable" problems with Facebook because I removed everyone from my wall except close friends and family, essentially making Facebook just Messenger. Maybe Facebook changed the rules by now or something, but I recommend to ruthlessly unfollow people you don't care for but might wa…

Agreed. I took it to another level... and deleted my Facebook account. If I need to be social I have a cell phone.

[deleted]

Re: Don’t Let Facebook Make You Miserable

#18

Post by cylinder »

_m8fo wrote: post #11

the common counter to this feeling is that if facebook makes you miserable, then your friends are probably just not good ones. of course, this ignores that we all have friends who do things we don't like, and they're friends in spite of that. so the question is, given that facebook is used mainly for 1. communication 2. event planning 3. keeping the relationship alive. how do you get those things without all of the b…

Unfollow everyone

Re: Don’t Let Facebook Make You Miserable

#19

Post by brightball »

trevyn wrote: post #8
tsm wrote: post #5

Facebook doesn't make me miserable because I feel like I'm having less fun and being less glamorous than the friends on my news feed—it makes me miserable because it's an addicting timewaster with minimal utility and I'd much rather be [reading a book, playing music, writing software, hanging out with friends IRL, working on a project, sleeping, watching TV…]

This. It used to be closer to the former, but today it seems like all my "friends" are just raging about the latest ragefest. I am not envious of being overtaken by these emotions. :-)

That's actually why I deleted my account. The constant anger about everything was just unnecessary in my life.

Re: Don’t Let Facebook Make You Miserable

#20

Post by _m8fo »

cylinder wrote: post #18
_m8fo wrote: post #11

the common counter to this feeling is that if facebook makes you miserable, then your friends are probably just not good ones. of course, this ignores that we all have friends who do things we don't like, and they're friends in spite of that. so the question is, given that facebook is used mainly for 1. communication 2. event planning 3. keeping the relationship alive. how do you get those things without all of the b…

Unfollow everyone

I don't use facebook, but that seems like silly advice. if you're going to unfollow everyone, then the primary value prop is gone.

each time you bother to manually check on someone, you could've just called/emailed/messaged them. at that point you might as well delete your account imo.

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