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OkCupid has less-than-OK policies. Especially if you're "ugly."

bitchmagazine.org

51–60 of 73 posts

Re: OkCupid has less-than-OK policies. Especially if you're "ugly."

#51

They left out the main reason it's offensive: What do you mean the scales recently tipped in my favor? I'm just barely above average now, and I was previously at 49% or lower? What if I thought I was in, say, the top 25%?

so, ignorance is bliss?

Pretty much. If you're a guy, you'll do far better if you're overconfident of your attractiveness than if you have an accurate impression.

Re: OkCupid has less-than-OK policies. Especially if you're "ugly."

#53
post #17

This post doesn't make sense. It specifically says that this doesn't affect match percentages which is the primary way that the site matches people. It is just taking into account that the people who are the most conventionally attractive tend to stick together. The biggest problem I have with dating sites is that I have to go through hundreds of profiles to find someone who I like that also might like me. IMO, the s…

Ehhh, I still think dating sites fail at their job, and a large part is the ease at which you can zoom through dozens of profiles and reject them all - all without having ever conversed or met the other person.

You think you're making an informed choice - that this person is clearly incompatible with you (or you with them), but consider the relationships you have/had, and ones around you... how would many of those profiles look on a dating site? How many perfectly fine relationships would have been written off by either side if they had a profile to read about the other person beforehand?

Which isn't to say that filtering is bad, but rather that the "scan profile, decide if you want to contact" idea is by its nature encouraging users to set bars that are too high for their own good.

If their match algorithm was good enough, I'd be interested in seeing a dating site where you don't get to view the other person's profile. It will only give you the absolute most bare-bones information about this person, and put you two in contact. This is, after all, how most relationships blossom (i.e., in a general void of information about each other).

Re: OkCupid has less-than-OK policies. Especially if you're "ugly."

#54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hell, I would like if OKCupid let me know my percentile. If I thought I had a hot shit profile that actually rather sucks (by real user analytics feedback), it would benefit me to know. [edit] People are taking this far too personally. You didn't get rejected as unattractive, your profile got rejected as unattractive. There are more ways than one to rectify this. Remember, these people don't know you, they can only v…

> If I thought I had a hot shit profile that actually rather sucks (by real user analytics feedback), it would benefit me to know. The "YourBestFace" feature would help you with that. Most interesting thing I found out? Pictures with my grandma: awesome. Pictures with my grandfather: horrible.

Wow, I hadn't heard of that feature!

It makes me wonder why these people are running something as small-time as a dating website. I haven't seen so much useful creativity and cool new ideas and openness since Google got bigger.

Re: OkCupid has less-than-OK policies. Especially if you're "ugly."

#55
post #39

"however, we've all got different preferences when it comes to physical attractiveness" "this policy is a bunch of discriminatory, attractiveness-norm-reinforcing" "why are they falling prey to the same arbitrary attractiveness standards as your local meat market-y douchebar?" This is what reading too much sociology will do to you. I just spent a year with it as a major, it won't happen again. http://en.wikipedia.org…

Indeed, it does appear to make you believe things which everybody should know from experience are false. Attractiveness standards are not "arbitrary", however much you might want to believe it. We have slightly different preferences when it comes to physical attractiveness, but the differences are fairly minor. And attractiveness norms don't need any "reinforcing", they seem to be pretty damn-near hardwired in our genomes.

Reading this, I expected the author to be a trollish blob, but clicking on her name reveals she's nothing awful: http://bitchmagazine.org/sites/default/files/imagecache/prof...

I suppose that makes sense: if she were completely hideous she'd know about it, but if she's so-so in appearance then she's more likely to be offended by her non-inclusion in the top half.

Re: OkCupid has less-than-OK policies. Especially if you're "ugly."

#56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> If I thought I had a hot shit profile that actually rather sucks (by real user analytics feedback), it would benefit me to know. The "YourBestFace" feature would help you with that. Most interesting thing I found out? Pictures with my grandma: awesome. Pictures with my grandfather: horrible.

Wow, I hadn't heard of that feature! It makes me wonder why these people are running something as small-time as a dating website. I haven't seen so much useful creativity and cool new ideas and openness since Google got bigger.

Why is dating "small-time"? What other category of website can actually charge subscription fees and still attract a large mainstream user base?

Re: OkCupid has less-than-OK policies. Especially if you're "ugly."

#57

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Wow, I hadn't heard of that feature! It makes me wonder why these people are running something as small-time as a dating website. I haven't seen so much useful creativity and cool new ideas and openness since Google got bigger.

Why is dating "small-time"? What other category of website can actually charge subscription fees and still attract a large mainstream user base?

[deleted]

Re: OkCupid has less-than-OK policies. Especially if you're "ugly."

#58
post #18
post #3

At first I was like, "wow, that's offensive." But then I was like, "damn, how come I didn't get that email too?"

wow, that's offensive I think this is a welcome to the future moment: more and more we're going to be seeing consequential evidence-based judgments being made on people by computers. They're going to be called unfair. And they're going to work really, really, really well at optimizing for the desired goals. It will be like credit scores. "Its not fair, I was only late that one time!" "Its not fair, I needed surgery!"…

There's one category where credit scores fail miserably, and that's a very, very small group of people (which I fall into). I have no debt and no open credit lines. I saved up and paid each semester's tuition at the start, in cash for school (this was probably the hardest debt to avoid). I've only made payments on something once (a car) and paid it off after 8 months and I've never had a credit card. It's not that I don't buy things, I just don't buy something until I have the cash on-hand. The fact that my income is double my living costs and I've never had an account go to collections doesn't figure in and I have less (and worse) options available for credit than someone who has been running up credit card bills or other lines of credit and missing payments, defaulting on loans, etc.

Then again, this is an outlier group and the actual problem with the system is that while it's massively efficient and accurate nearly all the time, we're so dependent on them that there is no mechanism to override the system when it's appropriate.

Re: OkCupid has less-than-OK policies. Especially if you're "ugly."

#59
post #58
post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

wow, that's offensive I think this is a welcome to the future moment: more and more we're going to be seeing consequential evidence-based judgments being made on people by computers. They're going to be called unfair. And they're going to work really, really, really well at optimizing for the desired goals. It will be like credit scores. "Its not fair, I was only late that one time!" "Its not fair, I needed surgery!"…

There's one category where credit scores fail miserably, and that's a very, very small group of people (which I fall into). I have no debt and no open credit lines. I saved up and paid each semester's tuition at the start, in cash for school (this was probably the hardest debt to avoid). I've only made payments on something once (a car) and paid it off after 8 months and I've never had a credit card. It's not that I…

Somewhat off-topic, but if this worries you get a secured card from your favorite bank or credit union. Typically you deposit $500 into a special savings account, they freeze it, and they give you a card with a $500 credit limit in return. It reports like a normal credit card. After 6 months to a year of responsible use of the card (i.e. buy a stick of gum every 3 months, pay after you receive the statement) they will graduate it into a standard credit card and unfreeze your linked savings account.

You can build credit history fairly fast this way. (Starting today with no history, you can have FICO 800 in about two years without paying a penny in interest, if that really matters to you.)

Everything in finance is negotiable, but you've generally got to work for it. You can convince a bank officer to override the computer and grant you credit -- this is a matter of routine. It isn't as easy as filling in a web form at 3 AM in the morning and having a decision in 15 seconds, but for minor credit lines it shouldn't take much more than a branch visit if you have history with the bank. (I know we're all wonderful snowflakes, but a bank with hundreds of thousands of customers may have run into someone who dislikes debt before.)

Re: OkCupid has less-than-OK policies. Especially if you're "ugly."

#60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Wow, I hadn't heard of that feature! It makes me wonder why these people are running something as small-time as a dating website. I haven't seen so much useful creativity and cool new ideas and openness since Google got bigger.

Why is dating "small-time"? What other category of website can actually charge subscription fees and still attract a large mainstream user base?

OK Cupid is free btw
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