Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress • Hacker News Board

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#31

Post by 65543543 » Wed, Apr 26, 2017, 5:41 AM UTC

handsomechad wrote: post #7

This is kind of ridiculous. My condolences to the bereaved and all that, but come on. High-paying jobs can often times be extremely stressful, and whenever I have worked in a pressure cooker environment I have often found myself questioning whether or not it is worth it to continue working there. Sometimes, the answer has been no, at which point I figured out my exit strategy. What I have not found myself questioning…

Easy to say this from where you are. I was of that opinion too.

For some, it can be like a abusive personal relationship. They are so invested in this that all they can think of is to make it alright; divorce or separation is not an option. Some people just get up and go while some others want to stay and try to work things out.

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#32

Post by WaxProlix » Wed, Apr 26, 2017, 5:41 AM UTC

elvinyung wrote: post #11

X-posting my comment from the other post because I think it's worth discussing: > Uber denied the benefits claim through its insurance carrier. That seems like an extremely terrible move, even if Uber might be technically correct. Deciding to do that makes them look awful, and I think that's what matters most, given everything else contributing to their public image right now. It could have been a great opportunity t…

> Uber denied the benefits claim through its insurance carrier.

> Deciding to do that makes them look awful, and I think that's what matters most

Yeah a dude was driven to kill himself and left his family behind and some bad optics are what matter most, please tell me I'm misreading this somehow?

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#33

Post by jupiter90000 » Wed, Apr 26, 2017, 5:41 AM UTC

joeblubaugh wrote: post #2

Please know that if you are feeling hopeless, like you are a failure, and that there is no recovering, there are people who will help you. You are not your job or your accomplishments, you are worth it and there are people who love you and will help you. In the Bay Area, call (415) 781-0500 to talk with someone who can help. http://www.sfsuicide.org/

If someone is in the state of mind of wanting to take their own life, will they desire to call to talk to a stranger on a hotline?

"In spite of their popularity and attractiveness, so far there is no conclusive evidence on the effectiveness of suicide prevention hot lines and crise centres" (2004) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1414695/

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#34

Post by defined » Wed, Apr 26, 2017, 5:41 AM UTC

jjjensen90 wrote: post #23

This was so difficult for me to read. I have struggled with extreme anxiety and chronic depression and brushed up against the thought of there being no way forward or out but suicide. During the closest calls, I was making the most I ever had, living in a nice house, etc. It didn't really matter though. I felt a tightness in my chest and a boiling kettle of acid in my stomach from the second I woke up until the secon…

Thank you for this. We need to hear more accounts like this one, and mine, to bring this issue into widespread view.

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#35

Post by markbnj » Wed, Apr 26, 2017, 5:42 AM UTC

I've never felt like he seems to have felt, so I can't put myself in his shoes. But my first thought on seeing the picture of his family at the top of that post was that trying to reverse-engineer whatever misery would cause a man to take that step, to leave his family that way, to do it in a way that was almost certain to force his wife or even, horribly, one of his kids to confront the results, is fruitless. Maybe someone with a deep professional understanding of the human mind would have some insight. "Uber did it" is a far too coarse answer imho.

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#36

Post by defined » Wed, Apr 26, 2017, 5:43 AM UTC

handsomechad wrote: post #7

This is kind of ridiculous. My condolences to the bereaved and all that, but come on. High-paying jobs can often times be extremely stressful, and whenever I have worked in a pressure cooker environment I have often found myself questioning whether or not it is worth it to continue working there. Sometimes, the answer has been no, at which point I figured out my exit strategy. What I have not found myself questioning…

Read my comment elsewhere in this article; it might give you a different perspective.

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#37

Post by boomzilla » Wed, Apr 26, 2017, 5:43 AM UTC

elvinyung wrote: post #13

handsomechad wrote: post #7

This is kind of ridiculous. My condolences to the bereaved and all that, but come on. High-paying jobs can often times be extremely stressful, and whenever I have worked in a pressure cooker environment I have often found myself questioning whether or not it is worth it to continue working there. Sometimes, the answer has been no, at which point I figured out my exit strategy. What I have not found myself questioning…

I know this doesn't completely address your comment, but the article mentions a Facebook message made by him: > “The sad thing is this place (Uber) has broken me to the point where I don’t have the strength to look for another job,” Thomas wrote.

Be frugal. Don't buy a house unless you have at least 6 months of payments in the bank. Don't buy a car if you need to take a loan. Save as much you can. Build and maintain a strong network outside work (family/friends/professional contacts).

Every time I got into a difficult situation at work, I take a deep breath and tell myself: "Don't worry, give it your best shot to resolve this. And if that's not good enough, you know you can walk out that door and take a break for some time". It's been working well for me.

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#38

Post by toomuchtodo » Wed, Apr 26, 2017, 5:43 AM UTC

jupiter90000 wrote: post #33

joeblubaugh wrote: post #2

Please know that if you are feeling hopeless, like you are a failure, and that there is no recovering, there are people who will help you. You are not your job or your accomplishments, you are worth it and there are people who love you and will help you. In the Bay Area, call (415) 781-0500 to talk with someone who can help. http://www.sfsuicide.org/

If someone is in the state of mind of wanting to take their own life, will they desire to call to talk to a stranger on a hotline? "In spite of their popularity and attractiveness, so far there is no conclusive evidence on the effectiveness of suicide prevention hot lines and crise centres" (2004) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1414695/

Maybe, maybe not. Regardless, we should still strive to give that person alternatives.

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle". -- Plato

Edit: @aaron695: that is what I was trying to communicate

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#39

Post by elvinyung » Wed, Apr 26, 2017, 5:43 AM UTC

WaxProlix wrote: post #32

elvinyung wrote: post #11

X-posting my comment from the other post because I think it's worth discussing: > Uber denied the benefits claim through its insurance carrier. That seems like an extremely terrible move, even if Uber might be technically correct. Deciding to do that makes them look awful, and I think that's what matters most, given everything else contributing to their public image right now. It could have been a great opportunity t…

> Uber denied the benefits claim through its insurance carrier. > Deciding to do that makes them look awful, and I think that's what matters most Yeah a dude was driven to kill himself and left his family behind and some bad optics are what matter most, please tell me I'm misreading this somehow?

Ok, maybe not "most". But I hope you get my point -- even at the most pragmatic, even considering that technically Uber might be right because Thomas only worked less than six months, it seems like a terrible PR move to deny the benefits claim.

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#40

Post by defined » Wed, Apr 26, 2017, 5:44 AM UTC

65543543 wrote: post #31

handsomechad wrote: post #7

This is kind of ridiculous. My condolences to the bereaved and all that, but come on. High-paying jobs can often times be extremely stressful, and whenever I have worked in a pressure cooker environment I have often found myself questioning whether or not it is worth it to continue working there. Sometimes, the answer has been no, at which point I figured out my exit strategy. What I have not found myself questioning…

Easy to say this from where you are. I was of that opinion too. For some, it can be like a abusive personal relationship. They are so invested in this that all they can think of is to make it alright; divorce or separation is not an option. Some people just get up and go while some others want to stay and try to work things out.

This. Other comments amplify this point.