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How to Become Well-Connected

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Re: How to Become Well-Connected

#41

Post by nickpsecurity »

Balgair wrote: post #27
verdverm wrote: post #2

Dale Carnegie 101 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influen...

Yes! To HNers out there that are put off by the title of the book, Please do not judge a book by it's cover! 'How to Win Friends...' is a classic book with real, gritty, and practical advice that really does help. If you have not yet read it, do yourself a favor, swallow the bitter pill that is the title, and read it this weekend. Almost no other book is better at helping you learn how to 'network' than this one (tho…

It's so good that managers in many companies mandate that managers or support people read it. Another I liked was Lifetime Conversation Guide.

Re: How to Become Well-Connected

#42

Post by socmag »

mindcrime wrote: post #29
jobu wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yep, this article is a re-hash of what Dale Carnegie started teaching over 100 years ago. My main takeaway from that class was to ask enough questions when I meet someone so that I can to steer the conversation toward a mutual interest. After that the personal connection is made and conversation is fun and easy. The best way to make an impression on someone is to ask questions about them until you find some

The best way to make an impression on someone is to ask questions about them until you find some Yes, but you have to be careful or you can make the person feel like they are being interrogated. Maybe not quite to the level of shining a bright light in their face and asking "where were you at 8:00pm on the night of January 23rd", but still, an endless stream of questions - done poorly - can make people feel uncomfort…

Yup totally agreed.

Knowledge of NLP helps. Not practicing it consciously but understanding the theory behind it.

Is important to make a connection and pay attention to others. Too many people make it a one way conversation and walk away wondering why things didn't go better, meanwhile they were talking 80% of the time.

Any time you can make others feel included, and their opinion matters during a meeting the better things will go.

Re: How to Become Well-Connected

#43

Post by caseysoftware »

As a developer evangelist for years, I've found the most important question to ask people is also the simplest:

"What are you working on right now?"

Some people will talk about their job, their side project, their hobby, their kids, or whatever. And you can see their passion and what excites them. If you know something about the topic and can ask an intelligent question or two, even better.

Re: How to Become Well-Connected

#44

Post by SomeStupidPoint »

coldtea wrote: post #35
mindcrime wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The best way to make an impression on someone is to ask questions about them until you find some Yes, but you have to be careful or you can make the person feel like they are being interrogated. Maybe not quite to the level of shining a bright light in their face and asking "where were you at 8:00pm on the night of January 23rd", but still, an endless stream of questions - done poorly - can make people feel uncomfort…

> Them: "Activism is really important to me, especially around climate change. I wouldn't have gone to a school that didn't have that aspect." Off topic, but this is so cringe-worthy...

...Why?

I'm actually genuinely curious why you feel that way, assuming the person is sincere.

Re: How to Become Well-Connected

#45

Post by drvdevd »

AndrewKemendo wrote: post #34

This whole thing has a huge assumption behind it: That you're someone worth being connected to. His distinction between the Hunted and the Hunters is great, but 99% of people don't fall into the "Hunted" category unless they are doing something exceptional - and even those doing something exceptional aren't typically hunted. So while I think this is a good list, and it's pretty bog standard Carnegie/How to read peopl…

I think there is also of course the distinction of the known VS unknown person doing something worth connecting to. Lots of people who are doing things that probably are not worth much consideration are simply good at selling themselves as something greater and vice versa.

So if you believe you are doing something worth connecting to, you better be ready to sell yourself as well. Or risk drowning in the noise.

FULL DISCLOSURE: I'm neither well-connected nor currently doing much worth connecting to :)

Re: How to Become Well-Connected

#46

Post by mindcrime »

socmag wrote: post #42
mindcrime wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The best way to make an impression on someone is to ask questions about them until you find some Yes, but you have to be careful or you can make the person feel like they are being interrogated. Maybe not quite to the level of shining a bright light in their face and asking "where were you at 8:00pm on the night of January 23rd", but still, an endless stream of questions - done poorly - can make people feel uncomfort…

Yup totally agreed. Knowledge of NLP helps. Not practicing it consciously but understanding the theory behind it. Is important to make a connection and pay attention to others. Too many people make it a one way conversation and walk away wondering why things didn't go better, meanwhile they were talking 80% of the time. Any time you can make others feel included, and their opinion matters during a meeting the better…

I studied a little bit of NLP, and definitely think it has the potential to be useful. But in reality, I rarely, if ever, use the stuff (at least not consciously).

Re: How to Become Well-Connected

#47

Post by hueving »

mindcrime wrote: post #29
jobu wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yep, this article is a re-hash of what Dale Carnegie started teaching over 100 years ago. My main takeaway from that class was to ask enough questions when I meet someone so that I can to steer the conversation toward a mutual interest. After that the personal connection is made and conversation is fun and easy. The best way to make an impression on someone is to ask questions about them until you find some

The best way to make an impression on someone is to ask questions about them until you find some Yes, but you have to be careful or you can make the person feel like they are being interrogated. Maybe not quite to the level of shining a bright light in their face and asking "where were you at 8:00pm on the night of January 23rd", but still, an endless stream of questions - done poorly - can make people feel uncomfort…

These examples are so lame because they are both contrived. If someone is going to answer "yes/no" to you trying to make a conversation asking if they like math, they could easily shut down the other path as well.

For example:

You: "So, where did you go to school?"

Them: "Berkeley"

You: "Nice. Why did you pick Berkeley?"

Them: "It has a good academic reputation."

You: "A good academic reputation for what?"

Them: "CS research, rioting, etc. What is this, an interview?"

Re: How to Become Well-Connected

#48

Post by mindcrime »

coldtea wrote: post #35
mindcrime wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The best way to make an impression on someone is to ask questions about them until you find some Yes, but you have to be careful or you can make the person feel like they are being interrogated. Maybe not quite to the level of shining a bright light in their face and asking "where were you at 8:00pm on the night of January 23rd", but still, an endless stream of questions - done poorly - can make people feel uncomfort…

> Them: "Activism is really important to me, especially around climate change. I wouldn't have gone to a school that didn't have that aspect." Off topic, but this is so cringe-worthy...

Keep in mind, I was just trying to spew something out that illustrated getting a person to talk about something important to them, and not just a series of one word answers. I don't intend to make any statement about Berkeley, people who attend Berkeley, or any statement about climate change, economics, math, etc. :-)

Re: How to Become Well-Connected

#49

Post by CPLX »

Regardless of the other merits of the linked content, and the odd prevalence of these painfully content-free and fluffy First Round Review pieces on the HN front page, I think we can all agree that there is simply no such thing as a "landmark Forbes piece on nailing email introductions".

Re: How to Become Well-Connected

#50

Post by hueving »

SomeStupidPoint wrote: post #44
coldtea wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Them: "Activism is really important to me, especially around climate change. I wouldn't have gone to a school that didn't have that aspect." Off topic, but this is so cringe-worthy...

...Why? I'm actually genuinely curious why you feel that way, assuming the person is sincere.

If you care about climate change, having protects in one of the biggest echo chambers in the US university system is about the least effective thing you can do.

It's also completely unrelated to the quality of education you will get so it's stupid to tie your school selection to that. It's like choosing a campus based on one with the most red-colored buildings.

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