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Silicon Valley CEO Pleads ‘No Contest’ to Abusing His Wife

thedailybeast.com

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Re: Silicon Valley CEO Pleads ‘No Contest’ to Abusing His Wife

#31

Post by mvpu »

smallgovt wrote: post #11

Reading this made me want to throw up. Absolutely horrible. But then while listening to the video, I realized the recording sounded a lot like what I would hear when my parents beat my siblings/myself as kids for doing something wrong. This made me wonder: Is hitting your kids any less morally despicable than hitting your spouse? Why does such a large section of society think it's OK to hit your kids and not your spo…

I grew up in a culture where it was normal to hit kids. But my parents never hit me. I was just as bad as any other kid in the block. What that taught me is that love and affection are far more powerful than fear. I've never hit my kids and I never will. Every time they do something that makes me really angry, I think of my parents. It's not ok to hit anyone. There's never a valid reason. Most of the time it's your weakness in action.

Re: Silicon Valley CEO Pleads ‘No Contest’ to Abusing His Wife

#32

Post by csense »

Why the heck does this guy think abuse is OK? I mean, what possible thought process could he have, that ends with "...and that's why I should hit my wife today!"

I'm not trying to justify the guy's actions. I'm just trying to figure out how he justifies his actions to himself. I want to gain insight into why this kind of thing happens, maybe that will give some clues about how to detect or prevent it.

Re: Silicon Valley CEO Pleads ‘No Contest’ to Abusing His Wife

#34

Post by RightMillennial »

smallgovt wrote: post #11

Reading this made me want to throw up. Absolutely horrible. But then while listening to the video, I realized the recording sounded a lot like what I would hear when my parents beat my siblings/myself as kids for doing something wrong. This made me wonder: Is hitting your kids any less morally despicable than hitting your spouse? Why does such a large section of society think it's OK to hit your kids and not your spo…

First of all, not all "hitting" is equal. There is a significant difference between punishment (spanking) and abuse (beating). I got the belt as a child from my father when my mother's time-outs or light spanks weren't enough. I certainly deserved and needed it to correct my behavior.

Second, the difference is your spouse is your equal while your children are dependents. You cannot reasonably punish your equal. You can only reason with her. As a parent however, it is your duty to teach, guide, and discipline your children on how to behave. Depending on the child, harsher punishment may be required to ensure the right values are instilled (I certainly needed it).

Re: Silicon Valley CEO Pleads ‘No Contest’ to Abusing His Wife

#35

Post by RightMillennial »

sjg007 wrote: post #19
smallgovt wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Playing devil's advocate, there are a number of real world examples of relationships with power, authority, equality differentials where we'd still not be comfortable with corporal punishment. For example, teacher/student, employee/boss. After thinking about it more, one rationalization is that we assume it's for the kids' greater good and kids don't know what's best for them while adults do. Of course, one must beli…

How about, don't hit anyone, ever? The only reason corporal punishment was used is because it causes an immediate response but that is one driven by fear. It is control by violence which is by definition a form of domestic violence. As a society we only accept it now in situations by law enforcement. But even then that is limited acceptance (for example in the United airlines incident). As a simple example, you don't…

I know everyone hates anecdotal evidence on HN, but positive reinforcement doesn't work for every child. Negative reinforcement was a requirement for me when I was a kid. Ignoring my dickish behavior to my siblings would have been counter productive. A nice spank or belt to the backside was essential for compliance.

Re: Silicon Valley CEO Pleads ‘No Contest’ to Abusing His Wife

#36

Post by sctb »

smallgovt wrote: post #4
najajomo wrote: post #3

Wife beating is considered acceptable in certain traditions, as long as you don't hit her in the face.

Murdering people is considered acceptable by Islamic extremists, as long as they are non-believers.

We absolutely don't need to spark the same religious flamewar over and over here, so please don't.

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

Re: Silicon Valley CEO Pleads ‘No Contest’ to Abusing His Wife

#37

Post by maerF0x0 »

bobwaycott wrote: post #30
maerF0x0 wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Couples mostly fight over inane things. I only read 1/2 the article but it sounds like they're both quite sick. Him a seemingly sociopath (as many CEOs are) and her some kind of dependence disorder (codependence?) . Why in the world would she bail out someone who has abused her? They both need treatment.

Fuck, mate. You really don't understand the world of abuse.

actually i was abused. So i understand more than nothing.

Re: Silicon Valley CEO Pleads ‘No Contest’ to Abusing His Wife

#38

Post by maerF0x0 »

valuearb wrote: post #26
maerF0x0 wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Jail will be part of his recovery (as long as he isnt badly beaten or raped). But I also think he deserves mental health care. Counseling or something.

Beaten or raped? He got 30 days in Silicon Valley jail not prison. He will likely get put in special custody with benefits, and probably get out early, maybe within a week or two. He will learn nothing from this, and is likely even angrier at his wife. He will get joint custody and find ways to torture her emotionally.

30 days is part of a bigger picture. You sound very angry about this situation.

Re: Silicon Valley CEO Pleads ‘No Contest’ to Abusing His Wife

#40

Post by wieghant »

smallgovt wrote: post #11

Reading this made me want to throw up. Absolutely horrible. But then while listening to the video, I realized the recording sounded a lot like what I would hear when my parents beat my siblings/myself as kids for doing something wrong. This made me wonder: Is hitting your kids any less morally despicable than hitting your spouse? Why does such a large section of society think it's OK to hit your kids and not your spo…

Corporal punishment in my opinion is lazy parenting. I've thought about this a lot. My parents divorced early, I was raised by my father. He loved me and my brother no doubt but after a hard days work he had no interest in doing normal parent things - like camping/fishing activities or just spending time with us. We got punished when we screwed up. Sometimes unjustly, like him having heard rumors and acting on them. If he had spent more time with us growing up rather than watching TV he would have known our character. I would of appreciated it a lot more if he had bothered to wither us down with kindness and patience. Now that things are a lot better between us and i'm a working adult, corporal punishment is one of my dads regrets.
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