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How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

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Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#191

Post by Nomentatus »

onmobiletemp wrote: post #67
xor1 wrote: post #56

I think the article severely downplays the importance of attractiveness. If the other party finds you attractive, the bar is lowered to the point of you simply being normal/average in terms of intelligence, wit, and whatever else you want to include in your definition of what makes a person "interesting". You basically need to be a vapid idiot to give anyone a bad impression as an attractive person. It's a huge facto…

Please stop, you are wrong. Im attractive and people hate me. Have you ever considered whats its like to be attractive? People are instantly jealous of you and hate you. And they make sure to lay judgement into you -- if you arent whip smart they will tear you down just like anyone else. I know ugly, average looking and good looking people who all do very well with people and in life. It comes down to your intelligen…

Envy exists, but de-beautifying operations are rare. The pluses, obvious to those who've read Darwin, thoroughly outweigh the minuses.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#192

Post by Nomentatus »

xor1 wrote: post #56

I think the article severely downplays the importance of attractiveness. If the other party finds you attractive, the bar is lowered to the point of you simply being normal/average in terms of intelligence, wit, and whatever else you want to include in your definition of what makes a person "interesting". You basically need to be a vapid idiot to give anyone a bad impression as an attractive person. It's a huge facto…

Believe it or not, the size of the place you live matters a lot here (re physical attactiveness.) In a big city, everyone tends to create a shiny superficial persona designed to make a good fast impression, 'cause you ain't seeing them again; and we tend to admire those who have that necessary big-city skill, too, even when we know them well. It's that important. Physically attractiveness really helps creating a compelling instant personna.

But all this just doesn't fly in much smaller places such as a small town. Other factors rise to be at least equally important, such as both semantic and emotional honesty.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#193

Post by Nomentatus »

YCode wrote: post #166

Somewhat related... Dale Carnegie, this article, et. al describe various methods to be liked, listened to, etc. that all basically revolve around the idea that you should make the conversation about them and their needs. Even smiling is a small step away from outright saying you like them and are willing to listen. One thing I've found though is that this can be mentally exhausting. It starts to feel like the people…

Part of "showing a sincere interest in the other person" can be interrupting their monologue to ask them a specific question that redirects the conversation to something of more mutual interest (or any interest.) You don't have to be a rug they wipe their feet on, you can stand up for yourself and what might be of interest to you, just keep it about them somehow. If they decide you're a horrible person 'cause they just wanna monologue about complaint X (not common, but it happens) or don't want any input from you of any kind including a question about them, it's time to move on. Most people just need a little bump to make them a better conversationalist.

Most people do understand at some level that a conversation is a mutual agreement to discuss the matter at hand, and the agreement part is necessary.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#194

Post by NoWhiteHorse »

tyingq wrote: post #2

The best bit of advice in the article: The right question is “How do I get them talking about themselves?“ I've noticed that even if the only thing you do is ask someone their opinion, and listen attentively, there is some sort of distortion field effect. They will often later recall you as knowledgeable, insightful, etc...even though you never did anything but ask questions.

If you're working in IT together with old-timers, a good way to get them to talk is to ask "Which systems did you use when you got your first job?".

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#195

Post by ddorian43 »

criddell wrote: post #167
xor1 wrote: post #56

I think the article severely downplays the importance of attractiveness. If the other party finds you attractive, the bar is lowered to the point of you simply being normal/average in terms of intelligence, wit, and whatever else you want to include in your definition of what makes a person "interesting". You basically need to be a vapid idiot to give anyone a bad impression as an attractive person. It's a huge facto…

Can you recommend a decent everyday sunscreen? The stuff I use is kind of gross and I only apply it when I know I'll burn if I don't.

Goto dermatologist ? My dermatologist said some brands and from those I chose Rilastil 50+. Get the white-color one.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#196

Post by infinite8s »

marklgr wrote: post #108
xor1 wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have substance. You're completely delusional if you think that being good-looking will ever be anything other than a benefit. An extremely significant one at that.

Those benefits have a cost--financially, emotionally, and time-wise. So the whole question is, is it worth it, past a certain point.

What is the financial cost to being attractive?

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#197

Post by AndrewOMartin »

meesterdude wrote: post #37
AndrewOMartin wrote: post #36

I've been the recipient of active listening on more than one occasion and it's made me want to tear that persons lungs out through their mouth. It feels like you're the victim of a corrupt bureaucrat's evil stalling tactic.

Then they're doing it wrong - which is not uncommon. When I learned about active listening, there where a number of adults i remembered growing up who actively listened, and they were the most engaging people.

It sounds like you're saying then they're doing it wrong - which is not uncommon. When you learned about active listening, there where a number of adults you remembered growing up who actively listened, and they were the most engaging people.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#198

Post by pacificleo11 »

colanderman wrote: post #132
xor1 wrote: post #114

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>because most people correlate good looks with low intelligence Where is this coming from?? I'd argue the opposite of this, if anything.

I think a lot of people (myself included) subconsciously assume that good-looking people got where they were based on looks rather than merits, especially if they hold a customer-facing role. (I'm certainly not claiming that this bias is valid.)

This is true and its true for women too. So often it's assumed that attractive women irrespective of their job type got where they were based on looks rather than merits

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#199

Post by acalderaro »

YCode wrote: post #166

Somewhat related... Dale Carnegie, this article, et. al describe various methods to be liked, listened to, etc. that all basically revolve around the idea that you should make the conversation about them and their needs. Even smiling is a small step away from outright saying you like them and are willing to listen. One thing I've found though is that this can be mentally exhausting. It starts to feel like the people…

It is mentally exhausting, and I think it's highly underappreciated just how exhausting it is to listen to/deal with other peoples' problems as a manager in any capacity - especially when you yourself are not able to vent (either because of privity or because no one else understands).

This is why delegation is so important. As an organization grows, it literally becomes impossible to manage everyone by yourself. But enlisting talented managers who understand these concepts helps to alleviate this issue.

To answer your final questions, maintaining energy requires deliberate planning of the energy you expend in other areas. For me, I rarely drink because alcohol has undefined impact on my energy levels (I get tired, and it's not like a video game that I can flip a switch and be awake and ready). But more importantly, organizing your activities between and has been particularly helpful for me. Once I took the time to understand what takes energy from me and what restores it, I was able to experiment with planning my days to ensure that I have enough energy to expend, while maximizing the energy I do expend.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#200

Post by kaybe »

criddell wrote: post #167
xor1 wrote: post #56

I think the article severely downplays the importance of attractiveness. If the other party finds you attractive, the bar is lowered to the point of you simply being normal/average in terms of intelligence, wit, and whatever else you want to include in your definition of what makes a person "interesting". You basically need to be a vapid idiot to give anyone a bad impression as an attractive person. It's a huge facto…

Can you recommend a decent everyday sunscreen? The stuff I use is kind of gross and I only apply it when I know I'll burn if I don't.

How about women's morning moisturizer? Some of them contain sunscreen and don't feel icky at all.
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