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How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

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Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#131

Post by 1123581321 »

personlurking wrote: post #127
Kiro wrote: post #121

I always try to play the game of "don't say a thing about yourself until someone asks" and it always works wonders. Everyone loves me since all I do is ask questions, giving them an opportunity to speak about themselves. It seriously makes me hate people though since so few actually asks anything back.

Something happens to me with a certain frequency and I have yet to understand it. In a social group of people who are just getting to know each other, there are people I run into who only ask questions, and so I find the constant question-asking to be a defense mechanism (if that's the right term). That is, "I don't know how to go about talking to random people but if I just keep the questions coming, it'll be easier…

I've experienced this. I think you understand it well enough. It is uncomfortable because it is a one-sided conversation and when you know that the person might think they are manipulating you into liking them, it is hard not to feel exploited.

I'm happy to say that some of the worst offenders in my life have improved their style over the years and respond to my answers with anecdotes of their own. They might still think they're getting me to like them but the conversation is interesting enough that I'm not annoyed by it.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#132

Post by colanderman »

xor1 wrote: post #114
elorant wrote: post #111

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The problem with being attractive as a male is twofold. You're constantly antagonized by other males, even in the most trivial things, and it's harder to been taken seriously because most people correlate good looks with low intelligence. Bottom line is that you have to try harder than everyone else because everywhere you go you'll face hostility, especially in the corporate world. For example, it took me a lot of ye…

>because most people correlate good looks with low intelligence Where is this coming from?? I'd argue the opposite of this, if anything.

I think a lot of people (myself included) subconsciously assume that good-looking people got where they were based on looks rather than merits, especially if they hold a customer-facing role.

(I'm certainly not claiming that this bias is valid.)

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#133

Post by VeronicaHadley »

This one is the best from my recent readings. Communication is one of the important aspect of every soul prevailing on earth and we / humans are special one. Now from the business standpoint, it is always better to have good communicator who can negotiate with properly. I just want to add my words at the 'Silence' section; my viewpoints say, silence can be better than words sometimes.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#134

Post by personlurking »

1123581321 wrote: post #131
personlurking wrote: post #127

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Something happens to me with a certain frequency and I have yet to understand it. In a social group of people who are just getting to know each other, there are people I run into who only ask questions, and so I find the constant question-asking to be a defense mechanism (if that's the right term). That is, "I don't know how to go about talking to random people but if I just keep the questions coming, it'll be easier…

I've experienced this. I think you understand it well enough. It is uncomfortable because it is a one-sided conversation and when you know that the person might think they are manipulating you into liking them, it is hard not to feel exploited. I'm happy to say that some of the worst offenders in my life have improved their style over the years and respond to my answers with anecdotes of their own. They might still t…

> respond to my answers with anecdotes of their own

That's actually the only saving grace to these situations. Glad you mentioned it.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#135

Post by agumonkey »

0xbadcafebee wrote: post #71
xor1 wrote: post #56

I think the article severely downplays the importance of attractiveness. If the other party finds you attractive, the bar is lowered to the point of you simply being normal/average in terms of intelligence, wit, and whatever else you want to include in your definition of what makes a person "interesting". You basically need to be a vapid idiot to give anyone a bad impression as an attractive person. It's a huge facto…

Attractive is not physical appearance or good looks. Attractive is a culmination of all the factors that can be observed or known that will give a positive impression. It is usually much more important to carry yourself as attractive than to be beautiful. Confidence, honesty, friendliness, integrity, etc all can be assumed by a picture of a beautiful person, but in practice it's body language that portrays these qual…

Some people have charisma even in trunks, hair undone, etc etc

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#136

Post by spaceman_2020 »

scandox wrote: post #124
xor1 wrote: post #56

I think the article severely downplays the importance of attractiveness. If the other party finds you attractive, the bar is lowered to the point of you simply being normal/average in terms of intelligence, wit, and whatever else you want to include in your definition of what makes a person "interesting". You basically need to be a vapid idiot to give anyone a bad impression as an attractive person. It's a huge facto…

Don't confuse looks and attractiveness. In person attractiveness is mostly not about looks. One of the ugliest men I know is also the most attractive to others (yes both sexes): confidence, warmth, a dash of rascality and a great sense of vitality and fun. People want poetry in their lives...not to admire each other's perfect eyelids.

I've felt that the most 'attractive' people I know are also the most energetic. They just have a fun energy about them, a very "Let's Go!" attitude to ideas and things.

Being fun and energetic trumps 'attractiveness' any day in social situations. Of course, good looks help, but it isn't the only weapon in the game.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#137

Post by shiz »

Broken_Hippo wrote: post #120
shiz wrote: post #104

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'd like to know the culture where smiling is seen differently. It is the global symbol of happiness and tells everybody on earth "i'm a friend" or at least "i'm friendly".

There are a lot of examples of the differing meaning of a smile when you google it. Sometimes it is simply not appropriate to smile. I'm not sure if there are any culture that sees them as entirely evil, but a few do have a concept of an evil grin, a concept that sits alongside the smiles being friendly. It doesn't seem to be a stretch that a mistimed smile might make you look like a loon and other such differing bel…

Of course, when someone tells you his mother died and you smile like an idiot, it surely will not create a positive effect.

The way I understood OP, it seemed as if - in a normal setting - smiling would be frowned upon when talking to people in general in some places... which I find hard to believe.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#138

Post by kovek »

À lot of the discussions here remind me of the book How to Win Friends and Influence People. I recommend it. It's a short and easy read, since there are no technical terms. It's a lot of good examples that show what works and what does not in communicating with others.

Also, check out the list of advice from this book that is probably online somewhere. I think it's important to read the examples in the book to understand the list.

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#139

Post by prolly_a_moron »

xor1 wrote: post #56

I think the article severely downplays the importance of attractiveness. If the other party finds you attractive, the bar is lowered to the point of you simply being normal/average in terms of intelligence, wit, and whatever else you want to include in your definition of what makes a person "interesting". You basically need to be a vapid idiot to give anyone a bad impression as an attractive person. It's a huge facto…

>The past few years have made me realize that your appearance only becomes more important as you age and progress in a white-collar career

You don't think the same shallow people judging your looks will judge your plastic surgery?

Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)

#140

Post by dilemma »

dkarapetyan wrote: post #31

There was that one time I observed a peculiar quality about a certain CEO. No matter what he was talking about it somehow would always circle back to talking about whatever company he was currently at and the conversation would always end with a joke and hearty laugh for all involved. This happened consistently enough that I thought it was a pre-determined act on his part. Once I realized he was always practicing I k…

Yeah... who wants to talk to someone who's always trying to close you?

This is the problem and the danger with how to make friends and influence people. People will see through you.

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