How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)
1–10 of 205 posts
Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)
#2The best bit of advice in the article:
The right question is “How do I get them talking about themselves?“
I've noticed that even if the only thing you do is ask someone their opinion, and listen attentively, there is some sort of distortion field effect.
They will often later recall you as knowledgeable, insightful, etc...even though you never did anything but ask questions.
Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)
#3The best bit of advice in the article: The right question is “How do I get them talking about themselves?“ I've noticed that even if the only thing you do is ask someone their opinion, and listen attentively, there is some sort of distortion field effect. They will often later recall you as knowledgeable, insightful, etc...even though you never did anything but ask questions.
And maybe rightly so - it does take skill to ask the right questions.
Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)
#4The best bit of advice in the article: The right question is “How do I get them talking about themselves?“ I've noticed that even if the only thing you do is ask someone their opinion, and listen attentively, there is some sort of distortion field effect. They will often later recall you as knowledgeable, insightful, etc...even though you never did anything but ask questions.
Yes! My favorite tactic to get people talking about themselves comes from Paul Ford:
Just ask the other person what they do, and right after they tell you, say: “Wow. That sounds hard.”
Because nearly everyone in the world believes their job to be difficult. I once went to a party and met a very beautiful woman whose job was to help celebrities wear Harry Winston jewelry. I could tell that she was disappointed to be introduced to this rumpled giant in an off-brand shirt, but when I told her that her job sounded difficult to me she brightened and spoke for 30 straight minutes about sapphires and Jessica Simpson. She kept touching me as she talked. I forgave her for that. I didn’t reveal a single detail about myself, including my name. Eventually someone pulled me back into the party. The celebrity jewelry coordinator smiled and grabbed my hand and said, “I like you!” She seemed so relieved to have unburdened herself. I counted it as a great accomplishment. Maybe a hundred times since I’ve said, “wow, that sounds hard” to a stranger, always to great effect. I stay home with my kids and have no life left to me, so take this party trick, my gift to you.
Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)
#5Am I the only person that feels "hacking other people" for my own benefit is wrong?
Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)
#6Am I the only person that feels "hacking other people" for my own benefit is wrong?
The idea is uncomfortable to me at least. I think it's useful to learn better social skills, but there's a risk of being less genuine when the approach is geared towards people specifically liking you.
Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)
#7Am I the only person that feels "hacking other people" for my own benefit is wrong?
What if I said that in any conversation of two strangers one person is being hacked and the other is doing the hacking?
I'm not sure that's true, but it does occur pretty often in all sorts of situations.
I'd bet if you took that view into many of those types of conversations, you wouldn't feel bad
(Finally, please note that I am explicitly excluding anything immoral. )
Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)
#8Am I the only person that feels "hacking other people" for my own benefit is wrong?
Nah, me too, but I've eventually learned that everyone else expects me to be hacking them slightly. They also expect that they're hacking me, and get pretty shocked when it turns out some of their social graces were flying completely over my head.
Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)
#9The best bit of advice in the article: The right question is “How do I get them talking about themselves?“ I've noticed that even if the only thing you do is ask someone their opinion, and listen attentively, there is some sort of distortion field effect. They will often later recall you as knowledgeable, insightful, etc...even though you never did anything but ask questions.
Yea, I sort of just adopted this strategy as a quiet person, but I found out that I couldn't hang out with other people who used this strategy too, because neither of us would be big talkers and were used to participating in at most 20% of the conversation. So now I just make friends with more talkative folks, some of whom border on narcissism. It's alright though, they tend to be interesting.
Re: How to Be Someone People Love to Talk To (2015)
#10Am I the only person that feels "hacking other people" for my own benefit is wrong?
No. However, I have found that it is often 'expected'.