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Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)

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Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)

#121

Post by peteretep »

bdamm wrote: post #100
overcast wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

fyi. There is no such thing as guys, and girls being friends. I know women think they have guy friends, but those are just guys that want to have sex with them. Consider this next time a female questions this line of thought. Would their best guy friend turn them down for sex, with the response of "I don't want to ruin our friendship", of course not.

This view likely means that, as a man, you have some work to do to find your moral base. I know this because I've been there. You don't have to go through life objectifying all women. Seek help. Good luck.

Calling people immoral for their sexuality is a fast road to nowhere good. It seems more likely your testosterone levels have dropped.

Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)

#122

Post by vecter »

pmoriarty wrote: post #104
vecter wrote: post #74

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Be yourself" is absolutely the worst dating advice a man can ever receive. Seriously, don't take dating advice from women. They give you bad advice not because they don't care for you (they genuinely do want to help and their intentions are good and pure), but their advice is bad because they don't understand what it's actually like to date women. It's not their fault either. Before everyone jumps on me for hating w…

You miss that dating is not a game for some people. That's the crucial difference between it and basketball. In dating, some people are after finding someone who is compatible with them, and if you're not being yourself, you're basically misrepresenting yourself, and lessening your chances of finding someone compatible -- as they think you're someone other than who you really are, and if they think themselves compati…

You take my analogy too literally and interpreted it incorrectly.

I could have used "crocheting" instead of "basketball" and the analogy would be just as strong.

From your incorrect interpretation, you made wildly false conclusions about my lying to others, pretending to be someone I'm not, and generally misrepresenting myself, as if you think that's what I do on my dates.

I've learned how to date women by building self confidence, learning tactics, and also just as importantly, understanding what women want at a deeply psychological level. What this results in is my making the right moves at the right times in the right way and advancing the ball forward appropriately. You can bet that I do this with women I'm attracted to, both physically and in terms of beliefs, values, and attitudes. This also means that I back off and move on when I realize that there is no mutual interest. Too many men chase after women who will never be interested in them, and that is a complete waste of time.

Everything you said after your first two sentences is completely false conjecture. If you believe that that's what learning to date women is about, then you are doing yourself the greatest disservice in the world.

Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)

#124

Post by ilaksh »

The short version is that there are significantly more men than women and the women receive many messages, so they can just pick the best looking/most wealthy/stable-seeming men to reply to and almost have to ignore the rest as spam.

The problem for me has been that most years I haven't made a lot of money and I am somewhat unattractive. There are some issues with facial asymmetry that I was actually unaware of until recently -- and the funny thing is that when I went on a dating forums site and asked about it, they were quite rude in dismissing my concern, suggesting I was average or above average.

But after years of real-life attempts and online messaging never receiving replies from attractive women and rarely receiving replies at all, I have slowly realized over the years that I am a little bit ugly, and not having the good solid job or good height, means that attractive women do not have time for me. Which makes sense for them, its just hard for me to deal with since just because one is unattractive does not mean that they are attracted to _other_ unattractive people. I am attracted to attractive women and repelled by unattractive women. Which the same is probably happening the other way too.

So I have stopped trying to meet women and my new plan is to become independently wealthy and improve my face with surgery.

Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)

#125

Post by onion2k »

Forge36 wrote: post #6

I'm not sure where to take this discussion, on one hand I've went through the process an I'm engaged to a woman I met through online dating. On the other I remember how tiring it was trying to get responses and make a decent opening. I spoke with my fiance about this she and she showed me how many messages are got. While a guy may get a few replies. She had so many new messages mine had dropped off the page. Message…

Why should a woman search through profiles when she can review 20+ already interested candidates in a day?

I don't think you can equate a man sending a message with genuine interest in many cases. At the very least women on dating sites have to filter out the guys who cut and paste the same message to every woman. Even if that's only 1% of guys, that's still a lot of messages to read and reject.

Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)

#126

Post by vecter »

ilaksh wrote: post #124

The short version is that there are significantly more men than women and the women receive many messages, so they can just pick the best looking/most wealthy/stable-seeming men to reply to and almost have to ignore the rest as spam. The problem for me has been that most years I haven't made a lot of money and I am somewhat unattractive. There are some issues with facial asymmetry that I was actually unaware of until…

> and the funny thing is that when I went on a dating forums site and asked about it, they were quite rude in dismissing my concern, suggesting I was average or above average.

I think you should open your mind and understand why they think or believe that. If you do, you'll probably save yourself an incredible amount of pain, suffering, and frustration.

Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)

#127

Post by vecter »

dbg31415 wrote: post #87
autokad wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Someone said 1/50... I think it was closer to 1/5 women would respond." thats me, I'm pretty sure if a plague wiped out all men on earth but me, I still wouldn't get 1/5. 1/50 isn't an exaggeration for me. most websites make it hard to track such things, but the coffee meets baggle app made it easy. out of 100 i had 2 reciprocation, 1 saying it was an accident. out of the next 65 had 1 more before I deleted the app.…

It sucks, but so much of what we see online is the photos. Can you put on some nice clothes and have a friend shoot some pics of you out around town? Will probably help improve response rates more than anything else. Good luck!

I don't know why you're being downvoted. You gave actually helpful, accurate, and actionable advice.

Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)

#128

Post by ilaksh »

vecter wrote: post #126
ilaksh wrote: post #124

The short version is that there are significantly more men than women and the women receive many messages, so they can just pick the best looking/most wealthy/stable-seeming men to reply to and almost have to ignore the rest as spam. The problem for me has been that most years I haven't made a lot of money and I am somewhat unattractive. There are some issues with facial asymmetry that I was actually unaware of until…

> and the funny thing is that when I went on a dating forums site and asked about it, they were quite rude in dismissing my concern, suggesting I was average or above average. I think you should open your mind and understand why they think or believe that. If you do, you'll probably save yourself an incredible amount of pain, suffering, and frustration.

I wanted to believe them and acted on those assertions, but after another 4 or 5 years of the same situation and then finally doing some analysis of my face in photos, I realized they were wrong. So after about 3 decades of believing I was normal and either having relationships only occasionally with very few unattractive women or none (almost entirely alone), I now have accepted an explanation.

Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)

#130

Post by muninn_ »

schrodinger wrote: post #82
muninn_ wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Some truth to that, but in general women are more selective than men. Men have a much higher range in terms of IQ, attractiveness, personality, etc... than do women who tend to fall toward a median.

What makes you think that?

Just personal observation
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