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Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)

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Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)

#101

Post by pmoriarty »

jbooth wrote: post #13
bobdole1234 wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just wait, the dating pool for men and women flip later in life. Quality men pair off with significant stability early on, and the remaining single men have significantly larger viable age range than women can generally expect. Also: the biggest trick for being successful online is to keep your profile as brief as possible. Everything you say about yourself someone will find off-putting. You need just enough to show…

Counterpoint: A friend of mine had an okcupid profile where he dedicated 500 words to denying that he ever had sex with a bowl of macaroni and cheese. It was hilarious, and he's the one person I've met in my entire life who reversed the equation presented in the article. That said, unless you've got some comic gold up your sleeve, you're probably right.

Different things work for different people. I once had quite a few positive replies to a personal ad where all I did was list things I hated.

The real key is to distinguish yourself from the ocean of generic ads and profiles.

Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)

#102

Post by vacri »

autokad wrote: post #3

when i was young, my female friends would say just be yourself, happy, etc and someone will just come along. i did that, failed, and i said why did it go so wrong? then i considered their world view, and i face palmed myself. same thing happens, women say try online dating, its so easy! my response rate (let alone something that leads to a rl meeting) is about 1/50. not worth it. i wonder if online dating will become…

I can't recall the name, but a comedian once said "People tell me: 'Don't worry about love, you'll find it when you're not looking for it'. When's that? When I'm asleep at night? Are they going to creep in through my window?" :)

Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)

#103

Post by reggieband »

I definitely fall in the less than average response rate category. Probably closer to 30/1 for a message response and worse for getting a date.

30 well crafted messages takes a lot of effort. The women that respond to me and progress towards a date are usually the ones that I am least interested in. In cold terms, the effort to result ratio makes online dating practically useless for me.

I don't blame the women as I expect that the ones I would most like to date get a lot of messages. The ones that are willing to progress with me I expect get less, to put it politely. At a certain point I make the cut and I just don't like that point.

I suggest everyone reading the advice of people here that says "Here's how I get ~25% of my messages read and end up with 2-3 dates per week" ignore the well-meaning advice and instead read Malcom Gladwell's article "The New-Boy Network" [0]. What applies to jobs in the essay applies to women in online dating.

[0] http://gladwell.com/the-new-boy-network/

Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)

#104

Post by pmoriarty »

vecter wrote: post #74
autokad wrote: post #3

when i was young, my female friends would say just be yourself, happy, etc and someone will just come along. i did that, failed, and i said why did it go so wrong? then i considered their world view, and i face palmed myself. same thing happens, women say try online dating, its so easy! my response rate (let alone something that leads to a rl meeting) is about 1/50. not worth it. i wonder if online dating will become…

"Be yourself" is absolutely the worst dating advice a man can ever receive. Seriously, don't take dating advice from women. They give you bad advice not because they don't care for you (they genuinely do want to help and their intentions are good and pure), but their advice is bad because they don't understand what it's actually like to date women. It's not their fault either. Before everyone jumps on me for hating w…

You miss that dating is not a game for some people. That's the crucial difference between it and basketball.

In dating, some people are after finding someone who is compatible with them, and if you're not being yourself, you're basically misrepresenting yourself, and lessening your chances of finding someone compatible -- as they think you're someone other than who you really are, and if they think themselves compatible with you, they're really only compatible with the image you are projecting of yourself.

So, really, lie about who you are at the risk of incompatibility.. which might be fine if you're just looking for a one-night-stand, but if you're looking for a deeper, longer-lasting relationship, you're doing both of you a huge disservice by lying... not to mention that it's skeezy and unethical.

Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)

#105

Post by rak00n »

paulcole wrote: post #26

I'm a man and in my late 20's (currently mid-30's and been with my partner for a few years now) had a great time using OKCupid. I was able to average 2-3 dates per week and received replies to ~25% of my messages. Before anyone asks, I am average appearance. I don't drive (bicycle only). Things I had going in my favor: I'm white, had a flexible job (could meet whenever) and vegan diet (probably the biggest help as ve…

I don't want to put water down your enthusiasm but Portland and San Francisco have entirely different dating scene. What you did to be successful in Portland, won't make you successful in San Francisco or another city.

Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)

#106

Post by rak00n »

lumberjack wrote: post #93
cgb223 wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As someone who just moved to a big city and has been waiting for an excuse to ditch Tinder, what activities or events would you recommend to do to meet people?

Meetup.com always has interesting events.

Nope. Not everywhere.

Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)

#107

Post by rak00n »

vecter wrote: post #74
autokad wrote: post #3

when i was young, my female friends would say just be yourself, happy, etc and someone will just come along. i did that, failed, and i said why did it go so wrong? then i considered their world view, and i face palmed myself. same thing happens, women say try online dating, its so easy! my response rate (let alone something that leads to a rl meeting) is about 1/50. not worth it. i wonder if online dating will become…

"Be yourself" is absolutely the worst dating advice a man can ever receive. Seriously, don't take dating advice from women. They give you bad advice not because they don't care for you (they genuinely do want to help and their intentions are good and pure), but their advice is bad because they don't understand what it's actually like to date women. It's not their fault either. Before everyone jumps on me for hating w…

Be yourself means stop giving a fuck about being perfect. That's sexy.

Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)

#108

Post by flukus »

paulcole wrote: post #26

I'm a man and in my late 20's (currently mid-30's and been with my partner for a few years now) had a great time using OKCupid. I was able to average 2-3 dates per week and received replies to ~25% of my messages. Before anyone asks, I am average appearance. I don't drive (bicycle only). Things I had going in my favor: I'm white, had a flexible job (could meet whenever) and vegan diet (probably the biggest help as ve…

> I was able to average 2-3 dates per week

That sounds like a part time job by itself.

Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)

#110

Post by pmoriarty »

tracker1 wrote: post #18
sneak wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One of the reasons most women put little/no effort into online dating is because the median quality of men is generally so low. There are ways of differentiating, like anything else, but it's become much worse in the last 3-5 years.

Well, men tend to outnumber women in such sites, so that's the start... also, people are only likely to respond (with interest) in the top 10-25% of people they communicate with based on looks... from there, personality comes into play. It works both ways. It's just the majority of women don't respond to the majority of men, regardless of crafting of the message.. though I must say that I've gotten more thanks but no…

"the majority of women don't respond to the majority of men, regardless of crafting of the message"

I'm not sure if it's all about the "crafting" of the message. A lot has to do with who you are and what you're trying to communicate.

I'm not a woman, nor have I pretended to be one on dating sites, but I've looked through lots of m4w personal ads, and if their emails are like their ads (which is very likely), they're super boring and generic.

This is really one of the biggest stumbling blocks, for both men and women (whose ads, on the whole, are just as boring as the men): their ads, profiles, and emails are way too much just like everybody else's.

If you can't differentiate yourself from everyone else, there's little reason to pick you over anyone else just like you, and even less reason to pick you over someone who can distinguish themselves.

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