when i was young, my female friends would say just be yourself, happy, etc and someone will just come along. i did that, failed, and i said why did it go so wrong? then i considered their world view, and i face palmed myself. same thing happens, women say try online dating, its so easy! my response rate (let alone something that leads to a rl meeting) is about 1/50. not worth it. i wonder if online dating will become…
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Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)
81–90 of 142 posts
Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)
#82Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think it's more general than that: everyone has higher perceived self worth than they actually have. And so the response rate sucks in general, since everyone's going after folks outside their league and never settling for what's actually reasonable for both parties.
Some truth to that, but in general women are more selective than men. Men have a much higher range in terms of IQ, attractiveness, personality, etc... than do women who tend to fall toward a median.
Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)
#83Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think it's more general than that: everyone has higher perceived self worth than they actually have. And so the response rate sucks in general, since everyone's going after folks outside their league and never settling for what's actually reasonable for both parties.
Some truth to that, but in general women are more selective than men. Men have a much higher range in terms of IQ, attractiveness, personality, etc... than do women who tend to fall toward a median.
Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)
#84Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)
#85I'm a man and in my late 20's (currently mid-30's and been with my partner for a few years now) had a great time using OKCupid. I was able to average 2-3 dates per week and received replies to ~25% of my messages. Before anyone asks, I am average appearance. I don't drive (bicycle only). Things I had going in my favor: I'm white, had a flexible job (could meet whenever) and vegan diet (probably the biggest help as ve…
It doesn't work so well if your interests, tastes, or personality are off the beaten track, however.
I have a lot of unusual interests and prefer to find women who share them. So my success rate at just randomly rolling the dice and having women just randomly roll the dice in return (such as with short profiles or speed dating) has been pretty low.
What has worked reasonably well for me has been having really detailed profiles. That way women really know what they're getting when they contact me, and I they're likely to be women who self-select to be relatively compatible with me by the time they reach out -- though there's always the chance that we just won't have much chemistry when we meet in person, and that tends to happen more often than not (though not as often as when I meet random women at bars, clubs, work, or wherever).
I've also never posted pictures of myself (though I have sent them upon request). That, along with my interests, helps to select women for whom looks aren't critically important, which is important for me (despite being above average in appearance myself.. I just don't want to be sought after primarily for my looks).
Another thing that's helped enormously is to find some way that immediately sets you apart from the crowd. My profiles/personals effectively scream "freak!" and that attracts freaks in return -- which is exactly what I want. That can be a huge turn off for the normals, but an attraction for people who share my tastes.
Not to get too philosophical, but I think it's important to somehow signal to others that you are like them. That's why dress codes for subcultures are still so important. They're systems of signaling that you share common tastes, world outlooks, interests. The same has to be done on dating sites, whether you do that through a pic of your biker tats or punk haircut, or (as in my case) by just detailing your interests.
Personality is, of course, also important, and that can come through your writing (or pics). I still have to work on that.. maybe take a creative writing course. My profiles are definitely way too dry.
Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)
#86when i was young, my female friends would say just be yourself, happy, etc and someone will just come along. i did that, failed, and i said why did it go so wrong? then i considered their world view, and i face palmed myself. same thing happens, women say try online dating, its so easy! my response rate (let alone something that leads to a rl meeting) is about 1/50. not worth it. i wonder if online dating will become…
Don't ask fish how to fish. Check out theredpill on reddit and never look back.
Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)
#87I don't really agree with this article. I gave up on online dating a few years back, but as a guy I don't think it was all that bad. Someone said 1/50... I think it was closer to 1/5 women would respond. And look... if they don't respond, that's fine... it's nothing personal at that point. Women have to sift through the messages very quickly. Anyway my advice for making it not suck so much for guys: 1) Find a girl fr…
"Someone said 1/50... I think it was closer to 1/5 women would respond." thats me, I'm pretty sure if a plague wiped out all men on earth but me, I still wouldn't get 1/5. 1/50 isn't an exaggeration for me. most websites make it hard to track such things, but the coffee meets baggle app made it easy. out of 100 i had 2 reciprocation, 1 saying it was an accident. out of the next 65 had 1 more before I deleted the app.…
Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)
#88Find something offline and social instead, do that and meet likeminded people. You will almost certainly have better luck.
Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)
#89when i was young, my female friends would say just be yourself, happy, etc and someone will just come along. i did that, failed, and i said why did it go so wrong? then i considered their world view, and i face palmed myself. same thing happens, women say try online dating, its so easy! my response rate (let alone something that leads to a rl meeting) is about 1/50. not worth it. i wonder if online dating will become…
Don't bother with online dating. First of all the quality of women is much lower than any you'd meet IRL. Secondly, they purposefully set absurdly high standards. Thirdly, if physical looks aren't your strong point, you cannot really make a good impression because that is what they are going to be judging you on. What you write in your profile is close to useless If you have trouble finding women, move to a big city…
Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)
#90More Power:
- Cooperate in order to reach a successful outcome
- Lay out your intents explicitly, attempt nothing verging on deception
- Be yourself, we just want to help you
- Work hard to better yourself, we haven't done anything wrong. In the vast majority of cases, you have.
(Overall assertion is that of equality, and denial of a power/privilege imbalance, and that you should take responsibility for yourself.)
Less Power:
- Compete with the other party to reach an outcome desirable to you
- Strategically reveal information in order to effect the above
- Be yourself, but realize that the other party may not have your best interests in mind. They prioritize their best interests.
- Work hard to better yourself, but understand that the other side makes mistakes, misjudgments and may just as well be as error prone as you.
In any relationship where an imbalance exists we should be aware that both sides will have sharply differing views. But dating in particular, the concept of female privilege is a huge minefield. OP article's ideas have been tacitly admitted to me in person by women, but the large audience online suppresses women from admitting anything that might not reflect well upon themselves. I think she's speaking for a large amount of women who deny their privilege via silence. The general idea might be that privileged deny their privilege, whether it's through physical attributes, wealth, legislated authority, etc.