Can machine learning help?
Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)
11–20 of 142 posts
Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)
#12How is this different from the default state of Western culture for the past century? Despite many positive social changes towards more equal opportunities for women, socially speaking, Western culture is still very traditional in terms of the common expectations surrounding the "courtship" dynamic between a man and a woman. The man is still expected to initiate and drive the interaction, while the woman is expected to be more passive about it. This is how it is off the Internet as well - women are routinely approached by men at bars/nightclubs etc., but it rarely happens the other way around. So why would online dating be any different?
Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)
#13when i was young, my female friends would say just be yourself, happy, etc and someone will just come along. i did that, failed, and i said why did it go so wrong? then i considered their world view, and i face palmed myself. same thing happens, women say try online dating, its so easy! my response rate (let alone something that leads to a rl meeting) is about 1/50. not worth it. i wonder if online dating will become…
Just wait, the dating pool for men and women flip later in life. Quality men pair off with significant stability early on, and the remaining single men have significantly larger viable age range than women can generally expect. Also: the biggest trick for being successful online is to keep your profile as brief as possible. Everything you say about yourself someone will find off-putting. You need just enough to show…
Counterpoint: A friend of mine had an okcupid profile where he dedicated 500 words to denying that he ever had sex with a bowl of macaroni and cheese. It was hilarious, and he's the one person I've met in my entire life who reversed the equation presented in the article.
That said, unless you've got some comic gold up your sleeve, you're probably right.
Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)
#14when i was young, my female friends would say just be yourself, happy, etc and someone will just come along. i did that, failed, and i said why did it go so wrong? then i considered their world view, and i face palmed myself. same thing happens, women say try online dating, its so easy! my response rate (let alone something that leads to a rl meeting) is about 1/50. not worth it. i wonder if online dating will become…
One of the reasons most women put little/no effort into online dating is because the median quality of men is generally so low. There are ways of differentiating, like anything else, but it's become much worse in the last 3-5 years.
Nah. The issue is that women generally have higher perceived self worth than men do in this regard, and so are more selective.
Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)
#15Earlier quoted context omitted.
why would the quality of women be higher than men on dating sites ? Is it some american cultural thing? I assumed the quality would be pretty even.
I would venture to guess that many "higher quality" women have less trouble finding partners irl. They don't need to use online dating.
> women have less trouble finding
> partners irl
Men have the sexual discernment of rabbits, but are pretty choosy about who they're willing to actually commit to. There's a non-trivial proportion of men who are only in their current relationships for easy access to sex.
Men complain to their friends about not being able to get laid, women complain to their friends about not being able to find a good man. Women complain that men don't want to be "just friends", men complain that women want commitment they're not willing to give yet.
Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)
#16Someone needs to combine Vine with Tinder. A 2 second video of you saying hello, and you can only record via the app. This wouldn't change the general imbalance of dating, but it would help narrow down choices really quickly and maybe clear the backlog for women a bit.
Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)
#17I don't really agree with this article.
I gave up on online dating a few years back, but as a guy I don't think it was all that bad. Someone said 1/50... I think it was closer to 1/5 women would respond. And look... if they don't respond, that's fine... it's nothing personal at that point. Women have to sift through the messages very quickly.
Anyway my advice for making it not suck so much for guys:
1) Find a girl friend who has some style, have her pick out your clothes (you can have her go through your closet and throw out everything that sucks if you want -- every 5 years or so it's probably not a bad idea to let a woman do this for you). I'm not the best looking guy... compensating by dressing right helps.
2) Make sure your pics aren't shirtless selfies, or drunk frat-boy poses, or just you standing in front of a boring ass wall; photos where you are out doing interesting things... hiking, at a cooking class... whatever. No selfies. Outdoor pics in good lighting taken by someone else. Make sure your pics are current.
3) Put some time into your profile, but make sure it's not a wall of text. A few tweet-like sentences that are funny or summarize yourself... that's what you need to go for. I think you want to be a more-fun version of yourself. Be a little goofy, don't take yourself too seriously. And be honest... you'll get what you're looking for.
4) When you write to girls... actually write to them. Not a book... but something individual. Copy and pasting the same message won't get you anywhere. Tweet-like comments about something on her profile... ask her a question, share a funny story... Avoid diving right into compliments. Give her something to respond to, something to play off of.
5) When you go out to dinner, have her pay half the first date. It's not cheap, it's fair. And you own't feel taken advantage of. Be friendly, be courteous, but don't be some white knight waiting to be a victim. Look, if you really had a great time and you don't care... pick up the check, but only if you really want to. You aren't paying for her time... she's not an escort. Splitting the check is fine.
6) Have things ready to talk about on the dates. Ask stupid questions. Bring up things you know about her from her profile... have fun with it. Reading just one book a month will give you an incredibly leg up here.
And be realistic. You aren't perfect... she won't be perfect. The goal is to find someone you enjoy being with. No reason you can't have a lot of fun along the way.
Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)
#18when i was young, my female friends would say just be yourself, happy, etc and someone will just come along. i did that, failed, and i said why did it go so wrong? then i considered their world view, and i face palmed myself. same thing happens, women say try online dating, its so easy! my response rate (let alone something that leads to a rl meeting) is about 1/50. not worth it. i wonder if online dating will become…
One of the reasons most women put little/no effort into online dating is because the median quality of men is generally so low. There are ways of differentiating, like anything else, but it's become much worse in the last 3-5 years.
Well, men tend to outnumber women in such sites, so that's the start... also, people are only likely to respond (with interest) in the top 10-25% of people they communicate with based on looks... from there, personality comes into play.
It works both ways. It's just the majority of women don't respond to the majority of men, regardless of crafting of the message.. though I must say that I've gotten more thanks but no thanks type responses than actual interest, which is still less than 1 in 15 messages out for any kind of response.
Of course the buffet effect works both ways... people tend to see the options, and gravitate towards a level of attractiveness and features they like, which removes most of the pool on that alone.. now, if you aren't in that attractiveness block, your options for matches won't work as well.
I think that OK Cupid does better than most at matching similar attractiveness levels in terms of who you even see. If you happen to get any response from more attractive people (even a thanks, but no thanks) you'll see a shift in the matches coming up all around.
Then again, I'm a bit of an odd duck who tries to read the profile before seeing a picture too closely. So will usually respond if something catches my interest in the writing.. and unlike most men and women, I'm perfectly happy making new friends. Getting serious with someone I met about a year ago via Facebook... All dating site experience for me in the last 5 years has been pretty bad all around.
Would think it would be cool if you had a short (300-500 character) block to write about yourself, where you pick matches on picture and words... so you either see a blurb, or a picture... if there are two matches (either you like both, or both of you like one or the other) then you can communicate and see the full profile. Would probably be a more effective matching strategy at least.
Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)
#19when i was young, my female friends would say just be yourself, happy, etc and someone will just come along. i did that, failed, and i said why did it go so wrong? then i considered their world view, and i face palmed myself. same thing happens, women say try online dating, its so easy! my response rate (let alone something that leads to a rl meeting) is about 1/50. not worth it. i wonder if online dating will become…
Don't ask fish how to fish.
Check out theredpill on reddit and never look back.
Re: Why Online Dating Sucks for Men (2013)
#20Didn't even realize this article was 4 years old until I started reading the comments.
Dating apps are the ultimate hunting ground for individuals with borderline personality disorder. They provide an endless supply of one-night-stands and no-strings-attached sex, as well as playthings and victims when short-term and long-term relationships are desired.