Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

For me, some things are luck. I live 25 minutes from my workplace by bike. The kids get themselves to school. I never worked more than 8 hour days, and have a job where nobody really understands what I do (a unique skill area within the company), so I actually spend work time on maintaining my skills. There may be reasons why communities like mine, and less intense employers, are magnets for people with kids.

A huge matter of luck has been my kids not needing things like exceptional medical or behavioral care. That's just not predictable.

Having kids does sharpen your time management, and may cause you to set aside some activities that no longer matter. I think that the mental stimulation -- or perhaps sheer terror -- made me more creative and energetic, even if I was physically fatigued. In the weeks after my daughter was born, while she was asleep, I actually developed and launched a new product for my side business.

Don't rule out changing jobs. I've read that something like 50% of workers change jobs right after the birth of their first child. A repeated pattern I've seen, over and over, is that new parents suddenly express an interest in becoming managers.

Wow, inspiring comments. I am a 30-year-old software engineer — not married, no kids, but reading the comments here gets me thinking that however busy I think I am, I wouldn't even dare to compare to what you all are going through. Instead, I should stop fooling myself of thinking that I am busy and cease to be lazy.

It's all about finding a routine and following it as closely as possible, and adapting as needed. For me, it's at night when everyone is asleep.

Family is the most important. Cherish every moment. Reflect on those cherished moments. Time is but a fleeting thing.

This is the winning comment for me.

You won't have as much time. But you will learn to make that time really count.

I'm 25 and a father of a 5 yr old and a 8 month old. It can be tough - your relationship with your children is just like any relationship: you have to put time and effort in and you have to remember to balance what's best for you as well. For a long time I didn't take care of myself and swung too far the opposite direction - I sacrificed my performance at work, my friendships, and my hobbies until one night of drunken craziness where I put my relationship with my wife and children in the backseat for a night. I realized I had been neglecting what makes me, me and at the first chance to let loose I took it too far. I've since learned (and am still learning) a better balance. Some things I've learned that are invaluable in keeping that balance are:

- A work relationship that supports your personal growth and family. I am extremely lucky to have a job that actively encourages me to take time to learn and skill up while on the clock and also engages me in planning my long term career growth with them. They also really care about my family and make sure I have the ability to take care of them with things like good insurance and the ability to leave with a short notice for things like sick kids or other personal emergencies. I know not everyone has that opportunity, but if you do, think twice before skipping over it.

- A solid support network. I wouldn't be able to function without my wife's and my parents. Got one sick kid but the other still needs to go to school? My parents come in clutch every time. Again, we're very fortunate to have them but we've taken it for granted in the past when looking to move cities and being near a strong support network is always a positive with kids.

- Friends/Hobbies. I haven't quite figured out a good balance with this one myself. For a long time I never made time to hang out with friends or just do something I liked because I felt like I couldn't afford that luxury. If I get home by 5, that only gives me a couple of hours with my boys before bedtime. The time after that I want to spend with my wife. If I go out with friends, I'm missing that small window of time to be with them. But as I mentioned earlier, that's not totally healthy because if you keep that up too long then when the time comes to let loose, it happens in a big way. For now, there's a small bar/restaurant between work and home that I've taken to knock off an hour early every few weeks and spend a couple hours with friends there. It's on the way home, so the commute doesn't cut in to how much time I get to spend, and I still make it home only a little later than normal. My next step is probably to start going in to work earlier so I have a little more free time in the evenings for something I miss dearly: reading for pleasure.

I envy those who manage to find a good balance and routine, but it's just a work in progress for us all. If/when you become a parent, you'll have to find what works best for you.