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Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

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Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#11

Post by Beacon11 »

mempko wrote: post #7

Kids have a great property, they have a bed time. I structure my day so that I come home from work at the same time every day and spend time with the family. My skill building happens when they go to sleep. You can get a good 2-3 hours in a day this way if you need to.

This. Although how dedicated you want to be with this is up to you, e.g. you didn't mention this, but I assume your relationship with your spouse is important as well. This is what works for me for my relationship with my kids as well as my wife:

- Evenings after work is family time. Focusing on kids if necessary.

- Wednesday evening after kids go to bed, as well as early Saturday morning, is skill building time for me.

- Every other evening after kids go to bed is time spent with my wife.

This tends to be a good mix that keeps everyone happy.

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#12

Post by jcpst »

At first, it will be hard. You may not have any spare time. After the newborn phase, the amount of spare time you have will slowly start to go back up again. Enjoy it, they aren't little babies for long. You will be well aware of how precious that time is, in a way that your pre-parent self could not comprehend.

I usually have about 4-5 hours of time after the kids go to bed. During this time I either program, talk with my wife, work on mixing records for clients (I'm also an audio engineer), compose music, rehearse with my band, research interesting things, etc.

If you are with a partner, try offering to watch the kids and suggest they do something enjoyable for themselves. This not only gives some quality time with the kids, it also makes it a lot easier to ask for time to do the things you want, or even have your partner reciprocate.

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#13

Post by bdcravens »

> When i look up the internet I find people doing full time job delivering products while having a family and some still find plenty of time to blog or write books

When I think of those I follow in similar situations, it seems they tend to eschew learning for learning's sake, and even those who were successful programmers learn to delegate. (Rob Walling comes to mind) So whether it's running a product, or learning new skills, I think it's a matter of avoiding shiny object syndrome.

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#15

Post by hosh »

mempko wrote: post #7

Kids have a great property, they have a bed time. I structure my day so that I come home from work at the same time every day and spend time with the family. My skill building happens when they go to sleep. You can get a good 2-3 hours in a day this way if you need to.

I have a 12-year-old step-daughter. That is how my schedule has shifted -- doing more after her bedtime.

I am lucky though. I am working for an early-stage startup, and there are a lot of opportunity to step up and skill build, not for its own sake, but because we need to.

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#16

Post by AznHisoka »

JabavuAdams wrote: post #9
AznHisoka wrote: post #2

the advantage of having young kids is generally they sleep very early which means you can have the early evenings to yourself (assuming they stay asleep). they also take lots of naps in the afternoon which equals down time for you. so as a rule, when they sleep you have some free time.

True to a point, but I almost sacrificed my mental health, and I did sacrifice my marriage by not sleeping when the kids are sleeping. As a single parent, now, I have to go to bed right after the kids do. The unexpected benefit is that I'm much healthier and happier. Also I have several full evenings a week with no kids to use for e.g. learning.

how did it sacrifice your marriage?

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#17

Post by laoba »

27 - Father of a 4 1/2 year old and a 7 month old. I really don't have time to program in the evenings much, but guess what? That's ok! You'll come to learn that there are more to life than "skilling up." I'm enjoying taking my oldest to after school activities and teaching her math a few years ahead of her age.

Programming couldn't bring me any of the happiness that being with my children could.

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#18

Post by manyxcxi »

mempko wrote: post #7

Kids have a great property, they have a bed time. I structure my day so that I come home from work at the same time every day and spend time with the family. My skill building happens when they go to sleep. You can get a good 2-3 hours in a day this way if you need to.

I was lucky in that my natural schedule allows a lot of quiet thinking time without having to short shrift the family time or time with the wife.

I'm up by 430 every morning and in my office by 6, with gym time before I get in. I get a good 2-4 hours of 'me' time every single work day for learning or exploring- and it's also my most creative time of day. The gym lifts the early morning head fog and I get a lot of stuff done.

I'm almost always home by 4:30 or 5 and get a few hours of play time with the kids which usually rejuvenates me more. If I'm having a good day I may get a little exploratory work done after the kids go down, but usually I just let the mind rest a little or read some HN.

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#19

Post by xenadu02 »

I almost entirely stopped watching TV and movies. I work after they go to sleep, 2-3 nights per week.

Startup culture preaches move quickly, pivot when something doesn't work. I apply that to my development. In the past I might hammer on a bad design for two days until finally figuring out I was on the wrong path. I am much more focused now. I'd say I'm a more productive developer than I was without kids because I avoid a lot of dead ends and wasted time.

My tolerance for friction and pointless bullshit is also much lower. The main project is difficult to build and test due to lots of state? I create scripts to automate or I spin up a test project, investing an hour up front because I know it will pay off over time. In the past I wasted too much time doing things manually because it felt like extra work to automate it. There is a delicate balance here and it just takes experience to figure it out.

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#20

Post by yakaas »

first of all its hard, really hard. (at least for me)

and then when you find some time it comes at a cost.

waking up early is an option, works well for me. but the catch is you get tired easily and then in long term it affects health.

my advise is to pick things very carefully, time is very limited.

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