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40% of foreign students in the US have no close American friends on campus

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Re: 40% of foreign students in the US have no close American friends on campus

#291

Post by kop316 »

153a wrote: post #288
kop316 wrote: post #205

I would like to frame my thoughts on this as an American that is dating a Taiwanese person, and as someone who has traveled around the USA a lot. I also ran my thoughts by her and she agreed with what I said. First, I think there are two types of people who travel to a new place (this can be a different part of the country, or a foreign student to the USA): 1) the person who wants to try new things and enjoy where th…

It goes both ways. Aside from cultural differences, I would assume you would also feel excluded or isolated if you were the only non-American among a group of Americans who only spoke English, and you didn't understand or speak English. Note that English is used as a universal language in international settings, and that you are a native English speaker. It's somewhat easier for you since they would know a least a li…

I agree, and it wouldn't surprise to hear that there are also Americans who are uninterested in trying to accomidate forgeiners, and I imagine that would be very discouraging for someone who tries to get out of their comfort zone as well.

Re: 40% of foreign students in the US have no close American friends on campus

#292

Post by Arizhel »

saint_fiasco wrote: post #124
rpearl wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Give an example.

Money. Asking an American how much they earn or how much they paid for something can be perceived as rude.

>Asking an American how much they earn or how much they paid for something can be perceived as rude.

American here. Really? I agree about the first part (how much you earn), but not the second. Lots of people like to brag about how they scored a great bargain on something, or complain about how something cost too much. But it really depends on a lot of things: what it is, what your relationship to the other person is, etc. You wouldn't just ask some stranger on the street how much their phone costs, for instance.

Re: 40% of foreign students in the US have no close American friends on campus

#293

Post by Arizhel »

gjdickens wrote: post #262
redditmigrant wrote: post #188

For me personally as a foreign student from India the biggest hurdle was cultural. I didnt know much about Star Wars, or American TV of the 1980s-90s which meant I couldnt just jump in to most conversations. The second biggest hurdle was that I just didnt enjoy drinking and drinking games to the extent that is a part of contemporary American college setup. Thus I didnt have stories of things I did while drunk. All th…

I'm surprised drinking culture hasn't been mentioned more here. As an American who when to an American university, I had no friends who were non-American. When I reflect on the reason for this, I do remember meeting students from other countries but they had different priorities than myself and my group of friends at the time so we never really clicked. (our priority was to go out and drink as often as possible - 4 d…

>I'm surprised drinking culture hasn't been mentioned more here. As an American who when to an American university, I had no friends who were non-American.

Yeah, I think it's a big factor. I'm a white American and went to an American university, and in my later years (I transferred midway through to go to a better engineering school), all of my friends were non-American. Why didn't I have any American friends? Probably largely because I don't drink and don't care about sports. (I'm not a teetotaler, I just don't like alcohol much, and at most will drink a little wine, and even here I hate the dry ones. I also have a peculiar condition where it seems that alcohol has no effect on me; I can drink a couple glasses of wine and not feel anything. I don't want to try any more than that.)

I had a few American friends at my first university, but I met them because I lived on the same floor in the dorm as them. I never had the dorm experience in the second university. And they didn't drink either.

Dating American women has never gone all that great for me either. Now I'm dating an Asian woman, who, you guessed it, doesn't drink.

Re: 40% of foreign students in the US have no close American friends on campus

#294

Post by Arizhel »

badminton1 wrote: post #259

Consider yourself in the following scenario: You hang out with Indians and they start talking about Cricket, a sport that is widely watched there, but also a sport that most likely you know nothing about. How can you partake in that conversation? you can, probably, but only at a basic level and you might not have a lot to add. So, the same happens with American football, or baseball, or sports that are not widely fol…

>So, the same happens with American football, or baseball, or sports that are not widely followed elsewhere. Those types of conversations marginalize foreigners, even if it's non intentional.

What about those of us Americans who don't give two shits about American football or baseball or other sports (including cricket)?

And am I "marginalizing" someone if I want to talk about D&D, or retro gaming, or astrophysics, or some obscure musical genre?

Re: 40% of foreign students in the US have no close American friends on campus

#295

Post by anigbrowl »

gukov wrote: post #185
anigbrowl wrote: post #150

Earlier quoted context omitted.

'For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.' - H. L. Mencken American society is massively socially segregated by race and class, more so than in many other countries. I can form friendships with people with zero language in common, but it took me several years in the US to build a community of American friends despite being a native English speaker and a highly literate one at tha…

American society is as good as it gets when it comes to inclusion. No other country, except maybe for Canada, had to deal with multiculturalism as much. Humans are complicated social creatures by nature. There will always be cliques, competitiveness, the us against them mentality, etc. It's who we are. It's what got us here.

My decade of living in London suggests otherwise, on both the notion of inclusion and the claim that no other country has dealt so much with multiculturalism, which just sounds uninformed to me.

Re: 40% of foreign students in the US have no close American friends on campus

#296

Post by anigbrowl »

thowfaraway wrote: post #180
anigbrowl wrote: post #150

Earlier quoted context omitted.

'For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.' - H. L. Mencken American society is massively socially segregated by race and class, more so than in many other countries. I can form friendships with people with zero language in common, but it took me several years in the US to build a community of American friends despite being a native English speaker and a highly literate one at tha…

I've been using HN daily for about 8 years. There are about 5 usernames I recognize because I'm wowed by their knowledgable responses. Then there are about 5 usernames I recognize because I go wow, that guy is always an argumentative abrasive jerk. Yours is one of the 5 in the second category. Your need to include the Mencken quote is a small example of what pushes you down into that category. Perhaps the reason you…

Perhaps the reason you find it difficult to make friends in the real world

Not what I was saying at all. Perhaps you should reread my comment, or alternatively ignore it if my opinions upset you.

Re: 40% of foreign students in the US have no close American friends on campus

#297

Post by 31reasons »

rootsudo wrote: post #212
31reasons wrote: post #191

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree to this. As a Non western student I never had any American friends in Collage. After more than a decade living in the US I still don't have any. Primarily because I am introverted but culturally I care less about American sports and music (two big cultural domains). Edit: Another important factor (at least during collage) is the financial one. As a student from a poor country I had far less financial resource…

you do know that many Americans don't focus heavily on American sports and music? As someone who was born in the USA and raised, I have zero interest in sports. Music, I have a fleeting interest due to it's global acceptance. Financially, not all Americans are rich or come from 2 income households. Alot of 18yr olds+ celebrate independence by moving out, taking a crappy local job at a fast food or retail and still, m…

>> Alot of 18yr olds+ celebrate independence by moving out, taking a crappy local job at a fast food or retail

You may not know but as a foreign student you are not allowed to work outside campus. Those jobs are also limited and hard to get.

Re: 40% of foreign students in the US have no close American friends on campus

#298

Post by chillacy »

gragas wrote: post #249
chillacy wrote: post #164

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Politeness too. There are some cultures which are extremely blunt, no diplomacy or being indirect. For instance just going into a meeting and saying that someone's idea is dumb and they should do it X way instead. Most americans I know perceive this as "being a dick", but this is pretty normal discourse where they come from.

That sounds so much better.

I'm still not used to it, but I can see the appeal. Try working with Germans or especially Israelis

Re: 40% of foreign students in the US have no close American friends on campus

#299

Post by bookbinder »

havetocharge wrote: post #242
bookbinder wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I didn't understand American sarcasm and would be alarmed by some of the things Americans said. Whoah. You just blew my mind. I didn't realize things like jokes and sarcasm could be a barrier for someone who technically understands otherwise understands English.

I genuinely can't tell if you are being sarcastic.

I was being sincere. Seriously.

Re: 40% of foreign students in the US have no close American friends on campus

#300

Post by jogjayr »

kop316 wrote: post #278
jogjayr wrote: post #226

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not many. I too enjoy meeting people from different cultures but...it's difficult, for me at least. I mean I find it hard to make friends period, regardless of culture.

I understand that. Going back to your original comment, I think Americans will understand that you don't get those culturual references, and several will not mind showing you and helping you. For me it's actually a lot of fun to show different parts of american cultureand seeing someone else experience it for the first time (Like here: https://xkcd.com/1053/ ). One of the most interesting things that happens if they…

Agreed. And that's the part that I take the blame for. When you're adrift in a culture, you should ask for help. In my (relative) immaturity, I thought asking questions would be considered annoying, rather than being a way to build bridges.
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