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An inspector is at a factory conducting an inspection. He addresses one worker:
'What are you doing here?'
'Nothing.'
'And what do you do here?' he asks another.
'Nothing.'
He writes in his report: 'The second worker may be released for unnecessary duplication.'
Earlier quoted context omitted.
There is also a joke about this. Since the spaceship was technically a military vessel there had to be an officer on board during the mission so a Red Army Colonel had been sent in the same mission with Belka and Strelka (the dogs). As it gets into the orbit a radio communication is established with the Flight Control Center. Center: Belka, come in! Belka: woof Center: Transmit the navigation data, over. Belka: woof…
Except, of course, it wasn't a colonel, but a Chukcha. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_jokes#Chukchi
I understood every single joke on that list except this one: >A man goes into a shop and asks "You don't have any meat?". "No," replies the sales lady. "We don't have any fish. It's the store across the street that doesn't have any meat." I just don't get it at all... is it just a bad joke? I understand that stores ran out of products in that situation, but if you just had to walk across to street to get what you wer…
You would if you lived in a country where merchandise was available infrequently. Stores often were empty of any wares - so fish store is empty of fish and meat store is empty of meat. ;)
The KGB, the FBI and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at catching criminals.
The Secretary General of the UN decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming. The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: “Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!”
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So I had the page translated to English. I think the jokes might be funnier in Russian. Still there is something funny in knowing there is a joke in there ... somewhere.
Here's one that seems to survive, with a little bit of humor intact: Most of the women claims that there is nothing more painful birth! But what hit the balls ?! After the woman said for some time: "Why not give birth to another baby ?!" Have you ever met the guy who says, "Well, embedding-ka me in the balls still a time ?!" Orig: Большинство женщин утверждает, что нет ничего больнее родов! А как же удар по яйцам?! С…
Most women say that there is nothing as painful as giving birth! But what about a kick in the balls?! After awhile, a woman may say: "Why don't we have another baby?" But have you ever heard a man say: "Alright, why don't you kick me in the balls on more time?!"
Honestly, this sounds pretty stupid in both Russian and English...
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I wonder: in today's political climate, would saying this joke, substituting "Donald Trump" for "Ronald Regan", get you arrested by the US Secret Service and/or KGB this time round? ;-)
Have you seen the news coverage of the protests and rioting in the US? Every other has a sign that says, "Fuck Trump"
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I don't get it, could you explain it please?
The Russian guy never gave his dog anything. And yet, his methods were so tough and efficient that he taught the dog to speak and beg in human language. Could also contain a nod to the patience and unending hope of the Russians under their "stingy" government but that's likely too deep and contradicting their infinite cynicism and complete lack of faith ;)