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Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear

nytimes.com

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Re: Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear

#11

Post by pook »

Who knows how to make love stay?

“When we're incomplete, we're always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we're still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on--series polygamy--until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter.” -- Tom Robbins, "Still Life With Woodpecker"

Re: Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear

#12

Post by andywood »

pook wrote: post #11

Who knows how to make love stay? “When we're incomplete, we're always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we're still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on--series polygamy--until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for…

For me, the harder problem is finding a partner who will not detract from my substantial existing fulfillment.

Re: Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear

#13

Post by WalterGR »

mrkurt wrote: post #2

I'm not even going to write about how this applies to hackers and why it could be a good lesson. I really just want to say: "that was nice to read".

> I'm not even going to write about how this applies to hackers and why it could be a good lesson.

...How does it apply to hackers?

Either I'm extremely dense, or everyone is projecting their own opinion on your vague comment.

Re: Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear

#14

Post by zeynel1 »

“Go trekking in Nepal. Build a yurt in the back meadow. Turn the garage studio into a man-cave. Get that drum set you’ve always wanted. ..."

Is there anyone else who finds this a very condescending and nasty thing to say? This ought to sound to her husband like fighting words.

Re: Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear

#16

Post by joezydeco »

zeynel1 wrote: post #14

“Go trekking in Nepal. Build a yurt in the back meadow. Turn the garage studio into a man-cave. Get that drum set you’ve always wanted. ..." Is there anyone else who finds this a very condescending and nasty thing to say? This ought to sound to her husband like fighting words.

When you're married and have the feelings like the husband did in this story it will make a lot more sense.

Re: Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear

#17

Post by timinman »

zeynel1 wrote: post #14

“Go trekking in Nepal. Build a yurt in the back meadow. Turn the garage studio into a man-cave. Get that drum set you’ve always wanted. ..." Is there anyone else who finds this a very condescending and nasty thing to say? This ought to sound to her husband like fighting words.

Umm, maybe a little. Overall, though she likely wasn't blameless it sounds like she pretty much 'turned the other cheek' - and reaped the rewards.

Re: Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear

#18

Post by andywood »

zeynel1 wrote: post #14

“Go trekking in Nepal. Build a yurt in the back meadow. Turn the garage studio into a man-cave. Get that drum set you’ve always wanted. ..." Is there anyone else who finds this a very condescending and nasty thing to say? This ought to sound to her husband like fighting words.

I wasn't there to hear how she said it, but I took it as sincere. I thought she was really offering to let him do whatever he needed to do to find his happiness again.

Re: Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear

#19

Post by grellas »

I like to call it a "midlife adjustment" and there is not a person alive who gets to that age who does not have to deal with it at some level - it really is the transitioning from the phase of life where everything points up to that in-between phase where things slow down, age starts to show itself more, and our mortality looms nearer. We all react to it differently but react we do, unless we are beyond feeling.

This piece nicely sets forth how a wife stuck through a pretty tough time with a husband who was adjusting pretty badly. It is a great story of how patience, perseverance, and wisdom can see us through trials. The lesson is that grace should control and guide us where our emotions would lead us to do things we might otherwise regret.

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