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Why Nerds Are Unpopular (2003)

paulgraham.com

31–40 of 76 posts

Re: Why Nerds Are Unpopular (2003)

#31
post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"I was too busy studying to be popular!" > Few smart kids can spare the attention that popularity requires. Just like all those quarterbacks who were too busy with football practice to waste any time honing their social skills. Oh wait...

Training for a team sport probably involves social skills to some degree.

And also directly increases social status. PG mentions how playing soccer improved his.

Re: Why Nerds Are Unpopular (2003)

#32
The problem I had when I first read this article and still do today is the terminology. I am probably being overly picky, but I remember reading a categorization that differentiated between geeks, nerds, and dweebs. I still think it is possible to be a geek and be popular, or at least, "above" (more socially acceptable) the social circle of nerds or dweebs.

Re: Why Nerds Are Unpopular (2003)

#33
post #13

It took me too long to realise that a lot of the popular kids where also smart. They just had social skills as well. It's much easier to tell yourself that other people don't like you because you are smarter than them than it is to work on yourself.

It's sad that people tend to think of life as some kind of DnD character creation, where people have the same points but allocated in different ways.

Instead, some people just have more points than you, and just because they have more points in charisma, doesn't mean they also don't have more points than you in intellect.

I've heard, even on this site, people deride management and C-suite types as "dumb" or "the popular kids", and in the same breath worship "that guy in the room"[0] but the stark reality is quite different from this fantasy.

[0] https://blog.codinghorror.com/dont-go-dark/

Re: Why Nerds Are Unpopular (2003)

#34
post #6
post #5

This article is in the same vein as that execrable Lisp article that showed up today: "Alas, poor brilliant misunderstood me, cursed by my genius and unwillingness to ~play the silly games of the lesser people who surround me~"

"I was too busy studying to be popular!" > Few smart kids can spare the attention that popularity requires. Just like all those quarterbacks who were too busy with football practice to waste any time honing their social skills. Oh wait...

You don't really need social skills if you're in good physical form - even the original article admits that:

> Unless they also happen to be good-looking, natural athletes, or siblings of popular kids, they'll tend to become nerds.

Being good at sports or good looking is just viscerally impressive, and makes you more popular. Being book-smart has no such effect, unless you're particularly witty.

Re: Why Nerds Are Unpopular (2003)

#35

Alberti, arguably the archetype of the Renaissance Man, writes that "no art, however minor, demands less than total dedication if you want to excel in it." I wonder if anyone in the world works harder at anything than American school kids work at popularity. Navy SEALs and neurosurgery residents seem slackers by comparison. They occasionally take vacations; some even have hobbies. An American teenager may work at bei…

It's not really more true, as most people, kids even, are able to see past those facades.

Re: Why Nerds Are Unpopular (2003)

#36
post #13

It took me too long to realise that a lot of the popular kids where also smart. They just had social skills as well. It's much easier to tell yourself that other people don't like you because you are smarter than them than it is to work on yourself.

Poor Milhouse wasn't either :-) https://frinkiac.com/caption/S13E18/1058724

Re: Why Nerds Are Unpopular (2003)

#39
post #13

It took me too long to realise that a lot of the popular kids where also smart. They just had social skills as well. It's much easier to tell yourself that other people don't like you because you are smarter than them than it is to work on yourself.

It's sad that people tend to think of life as some kind of DnD character creation, where people have the same points but allocated in different ways. Instead, some people just have more points than you, and just because they have more points in charisma, doesn't mean they also don't have more points than you in intellect. I've heard, even on this site, people deride management and C-suite types as "dumb" or "the popu…

I'd go even further than that. They're not independent variables, but instead are highly correlated. High achievement in one area means you're more than likely to be above average in another.

Re: Why Nerds Are Unpopular (2003)

#40
post #13

It took me too long to realise that a lot of the popular kids where also smart. They just had social skills as well. It's much easier to tell yourself that other people don't like you because you are smarter than them than it is to work on yourself.

IMO social skills aren't really skills that are learned, they are personality traits. Intelligence is also a personality trait. If you have personality traits that cause social problems then you will have to work on controlling those traits, that itself is a skill. Some people are born will personality traits that make them more likable. People also tend to like people who are like themselves.
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