How Social Isolation Is Killing Us • Hacker News Board

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#241

Post by TheOneTrueKyle » Tue, Dec 27, 2016, 7:49 PM UTC

okreallywtf wrote: post #72

TheOneTrueKyle wrote: post #30

I have been "lonely" most of my life. I have lived in a terrible town growing up where everyone lived on the other side of town. I went to college where nothing was happening and nothing is really interesting and I didn't connect with anyone really. Now, I am reaching 30, and have spent the most of my 20s trying to find a way to move to a place that will make me happy. I'm hoping this will eventually happen, but I ha…

TLDR - Stop worrying about finding the perfect place and try to get the best out of what is around you. Find a local volunteer opportunity that will force you to interact with random people and other volunteers (volunteermatch.org is not a bad choice). Just pick something and do it immediately, you may find better/different connections than you would with friends (I have at least). Long version: I have a couple recom…

Thanks for the very long response. I will definitely look into volunteering. I am apart of the Planetary Society volunteer program, but never really do anything with them.

I guess I just need to start doing it and not question it so much

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#242

Post by TheOneTrueKyle » Tue, Dec 27, 2016, 9:25 PM UTC

peter303 wrote: post #156

TheOneTrueKyle wrote: post #30

I have been "lonely" most of my life. I have lived in a terrible town growing up where everyone lived on the other side of town. I went to college where nothing was happening and nothing is really interesting and I didn't connect with anyone really. Now, I am reaching 30, and have spent the most of my 20s trying to find a way to move to a place that will make me happy. I'm hoping this will eventually happen, but I ha…

At age 30 most people are strong and healthy. That is huge asset. When you get older like 60 or 70 you may start losing these and needvto depend on others whether friends or government. Young people feel invincible, read some of these nebulous self help articles and believe they will never become dependent. Well we have news for you - life is not always roses.

What?

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#243

Post by Tsagadai » Tue, Jan 03, 2017, 10:44 PM UTC

selestify wrote: post #115

Tsagadai wrote: post #94

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I used to be like you. I am high functioning autistic so social interaction is mentally very hard for me and I feel completely drained after talking to people for an extended period of time. That said, I am now quite extroverted, especially when intoxicated. Making friends is hard. I am a lot more social than I used to be now but I have a wide and shallow list of people I get along with. I don't feel there is anyone…

As somebody else on the spectrum, how did you get to understand dating? I find that I miss so many cues, and there's a lot about human interactions that I don't understand.

Bit of a necro (raised from a dead thread) reply but worth adding a little more.

I gave up trying to pick up all the cues at all. Instead I focus mainly just on conversation. It take a lot of work but it is possible (for me at least) to focus entirely on the content and when to say something, when not to in an almost scripted way. Listen to conversation and interject at the right time. I am interested in almost everything and if you listen and probe well enough then you will find almost anyone has something interesting to say or an amusing story to tell. That said, I don't pick up on much of the group interaction at all but it doesn't matter. All this is quite mentally challenging but just focusing on one part, the conversation, and not all of the other meta communication is pretty much how I do it. It is still quite stressful and mentally draining but I think that I can mostly hold a discussion with random strangers now. People will either think I am an interesting person to talk to or not and we part ways.

How this ties back into dating is where it gets interesting. I've had remarkable luck in forming lasting relationships just by talking to people, I usually miss all of the early cues entirely and I don't even know whether someone is interested in me until their number is in my phone (the modern equivalent is adding you on facebook) or some similar forward sign. The important thing is just to start the conversation and to listen to people. Don't hold any preconceptions about people; be open and friendly and be unafraid to talk about yourself and your own experiences.