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Long-term stress erodes memory

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Re: Long-term stress erodes memory

#131

Post by mrsirduke »

lkrubner wrote: post #63

By the far, the most stressful thing I've ever done is stay with my dad while he died of cancer. For the last two weeks of his life, I stayed at the long-term care facility he was at. I put all my client's projects on hold so I could be with him. I stayed perhaps 18 or more hours of each day. I slept in the chair next to his bed. I did my best to take care of what he needed. When he was in pain I would go out into th…

Sorry for your loss. I lack the words to describe the level of empathy I feel when I read your story. Happy to hear you managed to bounce back.

Any advice for people going though a very tough time you'd like to share?

Re: Long-term stress erodes memory

#132

Post by junto »

roflc0ptic wrote: post #118
lkrubner wrote: post #63

By the far, the most stressful thing I've ever done is stay with my dad while he died of cancer. For the last two weeks of his life, I stayed at the long-term care facility he was at. I put all my client's projects on hold so I could be with him. I stayed perhaps 18 or more hours of each day. I slept in the chair next to his bed. I did my best to take care of what he needed. When he was in pain I would go out into th…

Kind of tangentially: my dad's dying, and I'm in the process of forcing him to compile end of life documents. So far it is the most stressful thing. Bank accounts, utilities, titles, living will, power of attorney, retirement funds, medical proxy paperwork, the actual will. If you're reading this, do everyone in your life a favor and take care of this shit this week and email it to the people who will be cleaning up…

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad. That you are helping him resolve these outstanding issues is most likely a huge relief for him.

I've been interested in compiling an end of life documents for myself for my family. Have you found any resources that offer some kind of checklist and guidance as to everything one might need to complete for such a process?

Re: Long-term stress erodes memory

#133

Post by junto »

crdev wrote: post #94
goodcanadian wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Interesting. This immediately put me in mind of the birth of my own child. While no where near as bad as you describe, my short term memory did kind of go to crap after she was born. I blame it mostly on sleep deprivation, which is a kind of stress, I suppose.

Interesting... I'm having the same issue. In my case my daughter was born 5 months ago and the lack of sleep and sometimes the bad sleep is causing a direct effect on my memory. Before that, I was able to remember a lot of things, but I guess I'm too tired now. Even reading a book is challenging and I have thousand of books. In our case our daughter was born with hip dysplasia and I was under a lot of stress.

One thing my wife and I did that was kind of idiotic with our first child was to both try and deal with the baby at night "as a team".

Once we realised that being a team was better visualised as taking on different roles, we functioned way better. As she was on parental leave for a year, it made more sense for her to deal with the baby at night, and for me to get a good night's sleep so I could function during the day at work. She could catch up on some sleep in the day when the baby slept. If you have a spare room then use it if you are both happy with that.

Re: Long-term stress erodes memory

#134

Post by kaffein »

jyriand wrote: post #93
goodcanadian wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Interesting. This immediately put me in mind of the birth of my own child. While no where near as bad as you describe, my short term memory did kind of go to crap after she was born. I blame it mostly on sleep deprivation, which is a kind of stress, I suppose.

I'm having first child in few months. I'm stressed out as it is, can't even imagine what will happen when he is born. Even worse, I'm working from home.

I also worked from home when my kids were born. Personally I think you should see it as an opportunity as you can spend time with your child whenever you want to/have a moment during the day. Might even help with the stress. I do think it's important to have an understanding with your partner that you can not be expected to help out when working, and some good headphones can be helpful. And yes, I don't remember what I was going to say 5 minutes ago but I hope that improves when paternity leave ends.

Re: Long-term stress erodes memory

#135

Post by bybjorn »

semi-extrinsic wrote: post #61
ashark wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not the poster you're asking, but have 3 kids. Stress factors include: 1) Getting very, very poor sleep, which can last anywhere from 2-12 months depending on your kid and your parenting technique. 2) Higher monthly expenses, plus a potentially-giant bill for the birth, on top of a year of smaller but still substantial bills for various things. This will be worse if the pregnancy is split over two years of insurance…

> potentially-giant bill for the birth It boggles my mind that we consider the US a first-world country when I read things like this. Also not sure I agree about the breastfeeding being so bad. Sure, it's a bit of a chore, but most mothers I know (including my wife) found it to be a positive experience that increases attachment. And the leaving the house/car part I also don't follow. You have one more person to dress…

Well, you might have one more person to dress but it might be a person screaming and crying and not wanting to be dressed.

And when you're all finished and ready to get into the car, the person has a full diaper that needs to be taken care of, so when you've done that you're back to square one.

Re: Long-term stress erodes memory

#136

Post by donmatito »

ashark wrote: post #56
vivekian2 wrote: post #51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Was the stress primarily because of sleep deprivation/multitasking with a new baby? I am just trying to understand.

Not the poster you're asking, but have 3 kids. Stress factors include: 1) Getting very, very poor sleep, which can last anywhere from 2-12 months depending on your kid and your parenting technique. 2) Higher monthly expenses, plus a potentially-giant bill for the birth, on top of a year of smaller but still substantial bills for various things. This will be worse if the pregnancy is split over two years of insurance…

> 2) Higher monthly expenses, plus a potentially-giant bill for the birth,

The toll on household finance and peace of mind of the US insurance system is incredible. The births of two daughters, including a couple of days at the hospital, peridural, pre-birth prep and post-birth followup, cost us a grand total of 30€. Of course nothing is free, we pay it through other means (taxes), but not having to think about cost at that moment is so relieving.

Re: Long-term stress erodes memory

#137

Post by donmatito »

thro3212 wrote: post #12

Sadly I can confirm this from personal experience. I was under a lot of stress for the past three years. Before stress started I had almost photographic memory. I was not very smart software developer. But ability to recall patterns and documentation fast, made me very productive. I worked at CS semi-research position and spoke at conference every other month. Now it takes mental effort to recall what I did 4 hours a…

May I ask you kindly, to the extend you want to share, why having a new child caused such high level of stress? I mean, having two daughters, I can totally relate to sleep deprivation and everyday chores. But unless there is a medical emergency or financial distress, I am under the impression that most parents find enough joy to compensate for the stress? It's like we're onto drugs :-) Again, that's true only if the baby is in good health, which I wish you from the bottom of my heart

Re: Long-term stress erodes memory

#138

Post by roystonvassey »

jyriand wrote: post #93
goodcanadian wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Interesting. This immediately put me in mind of the birth of my own child. While no where near as bad as you describe, my short term memory did kind of go to crap after she was born. I blame it mostly on sleep deprivation, which is a kind of stress, I suppose.

I'm having first child in few months. I'm stressed out as it is, can't even imagine what will happen when he is born. Even worse, I'm working from home.

Reading all the replies on this thread on the stress(es) of childbirth, I think a large part of it can be mitigated by having the grandparents around. This is how it usually is in my country (India), though it is changing slowly with younger couples migrating to urban centers.

Anecdotally, my sister-in-law has 3 young sons and while both the parents are stressed out more than couples without children, they get a welcome break over the weekends and many weekdays because one of the grandparents is often around to help with taking care of the children. This allows for a lot of freedom and more importantly, the freedom to think that you can get away from it all, even if it is for a few hours. I think (I don't have children myself) that the thought that this young human is completely and totally dependent on you all the time can be extremely discouraging, even if its your own child.

Re: Long-term stress erodes memory

#139

Post by mattmanser »

toomuchtodo wrote: post #126
khedoros1 wrote: post #109

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My wife actually handled the bills and tends to have a better memory for this stuff than I do. There was a stress-related stay in the hospital for her for several days with a $250 copay, around late January. Then the whole birth+surgery+NICU+breast pump rental was judged as one incident, with a $250 copay. Individual doctor visits are $20. Hospital stays are $250. Medication is heavily subsidized, and most of it that…

> I'm positive that we fall under the "uncommonly good" category. For comparison, my wife and I are on a marketplace plan, and out of a total of $60k in expenses for our newborn daughter, we were responsible for ~$12k. We want to have more children, but I would move from the US to a first world country to do so.

I know you're making a joke, but first/second/third refers to political affiliation in the cold war and is not to do with economic prowess.

First = US/W.Europe + Allies

Second = Soviet Union/China + Allies

Third = Non-aligned

Re: Long-term stress erodes memory

#140

Post by 98Windows »

unclebucknasty wrote: post #122

A hidden source of stress can be a single individual (or two) who causes you ongoing low levels of stress, without you realizing how big a toll it's really taking on you. I've had it happen, wherein I wonder why I'm feeling anxious, angry, or otherwise. Then, I step back and recognize how a particular person is treating me and realize that a) it's simply wrong/unfair and b) I'm allowing it to happen and allowing it t…

>dispose as necessary I've seen this piece of advice float around quite a bit. I always find it really difficult to understand. If you suspect someone in one of your social groups is causing you a big problem, you can't just eliminate them, they are connected to other people you know too (this might be a family or a workplace).

Then the question turns into, shall I leave and find new social groups? This is such a high risk act.

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