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How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

nytimes.com

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Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#171

Post by Tsugumo »

archagon wrote: post #114
TheOneTrueKyle wrote: post #30

I have been "lonely" most of my life. I have lived in a terrible town growing up where everyone lived on the other side of town. I went to college where nothing was happening and nothing is really interesting and I didn't connect with anyone really. Now, I am reaching 30, and have spent the most of my 20s trying to find a way to move to a place that will make me happy. I'm hoping this will eventually happen, but I ha…

I'm the same, except I actually found such a place: a 38-person student cooperative during my last year of college. I'm convinced living in a creaky old house with a varied cast of characters is the way to go for a happy and socially fulfilling life. College is almost a decade behind me, but I hope to find such a place again before I turn 30. (And one that's hopefully not 100% filled with startup folks... we need art…

Yes, I completely agree. The difficulty is finding the right people. And I don't think of this as being exactly the same as co-living or other movements. I'm not sure what to call it...but it requires a certain mindset...or maybe we're thinking of different setups. The "creaky old house" says a lot about the character of the people; I don't think that's a small detail--not that it would have to be a creaky old house, but that the occupants wouldn't mind that. Because for the living conditions there is a priority above materialism...

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#173

Post by otakucode »

Ensorceled wrote: post #159
otakucode wrote: post #147

If we were to do something kooky and nutty like abandon centralized large corporate offices as our primary places of work, and instead the majority of us worked from home, that would result in many people spending several hour a day in their local neighborhood rather than sitting in their car. I expect local communities would be revitalized simply by default because people would finally be PRESENT instead of commutin…

This is interesting in that many people get their only social interaction from their co-workers. Work from home would just isolate them even more.

That would only be true if human beings were not fundamentally social creatures by nature. Working from home, it should be remembered, was the default state of mankind from the beginning of time up until the rise of factories a little over a century ago. It is tempting, but I think a mistake, to assume that people currently isolate themselves out of desire rather than out of consequence of long commutes, the psychological fatigue of the modern workplace, etc.

Just look at different age groups. Children are isolated forcibly by their parents, so they're not informative. Adolescents, though, take great pains to avoid isolation even though their parents and society generally goes to great lengths to try to impose it upon them. Retired people do not generally isolate themselves (there are, of course, exceptions). It's only the working stiffs that tend to isolate themselves. And even that is mostly a modern phenomenon. It might be down to people being satisfied with social media as their means of socializing, but I doubt it.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#174

Post by muninn_ »

FrancoDiaz wrote: post #100
muninn_ wrote: post #78

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I would build mixed-use development neighborhoods, and create spaces where people would be able to meet together for events, etc. I'd move highways that go straight through the downtown area and reroute them around the city. I'd make cities more walk/bike/subway/bus - able and work on smart regulation that would allow for mixed-use development so people could work-live-play in different areas. I'd also fix the school…

You seem to have many misunderstandings on the power that Governors have. Real life isn't Simcity.

I could change zoning laws and provide tax incentives. Those work pretty well.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#175

Post by navait »

From my perspective, I think most people want to be socially isolated, or at the very least, never change their social bubble. After completing school, I didn't want to be lonely when living in the working world. So I bought a few books on socializing, picked up swing dance, went to meetups, took adult education classes and volunteered in the US election.

After 16 months of continuous practice, I have made 0 friends. Conversations with strangers, yes. I got contact information, was religious about following up, but people who agreed to do something with me in the future suddenly didn't respond to my messages. Attempted to have a few gatherings at my apartment and despite the people I invited saying they would come, nobody showed up.

Why even bother if people won't meet you a tenth of the way?

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#176

Post by eswat »

otakucode wrote: post #147

If we were to do something kooky and nutty like abandon centralized large corporate offices as our primary places of work, and instead the majority of us worked from home, that would result in many people spending several hour a day in their local neighborhood rather than sitting in their car. I expect local communities would be revitalized simply by default because people would finally be PRESENT instead of commutin…

Your expectation assumes that workers with home offices would replace the times they’ve spent commuting or socializing outside of their community with traversing around and being present in their community.

Personally I think it’s a crapshoot: your expectation might be true or these workers might become recluse and replace the time commuting with sitting at home (especially if they tend to be in a neighborhood that favours individualism over collectivism, isolation over community).

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#177

Post by tdfx »

navait wrote: post #175

From my perspective, I think most people want to be socially isolated, or at the very least, never change their social bubble. After completing school, I didn't want to be lonely when living in the working world. So I bought a few books on socializing, picked up swing dance, went to meetups, took adult education classes and volunteered in the US election. After 16 months of continuous practice, I have made 0 friends.…

Just like anything else, people want social interactions that are stimulating and rewarding. Being around other people for the sake of being around other warm bodies is typically not very interesting for most people.

Who has no shortage of friends? People with obvious value propositions. Rich or influential people. Well connected people. Good looking people. People who already have a lot of friends. It's strange to think about it in economic terms, but I've found it's a very useful abstraction.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#178

Post by topherb »

Ultimately, you can't treat social as a science, think of it as faith, as an never ending improv performance.

There are four ways to create a social life:

Fake it till its fact - be someone else until it feels like you

Be artistic - find an expressive outlet you enjoy and find other people who express the same way

Be vulnerable and live in moments - take every loss and win with a grain of salt, acknowledge something happened then move on. No moment has more emphasis than others, they are just lily pads for you to jump on and off.

Think outward, not in - react to what people say or do without introspection, trust what you already intrinsically know/feel

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#179

Post by tdfx »

cmdrfred wrote: post #164
kbart wrote: post #163

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, as I said, it depends on a place. I usually go to places where people are going to play board games, pool, foosball etc. while getting few beers, not drink themselves unconsciously.

To each their own of course, but I find even mildly impaired people annoying. You don't realize how much an effect a few beers can have alcohol is deceptive that way, that's why you see people down a bottle of vodka and get behind the wheel. They honestly believe that they are fine to drive. A tip if you do decide to try this advice, don't let anyone know you aren't drinking. Not only will you often get accosted "Com…

Club soda with a lime in a regular drink glass instead of a water cup. Everyone will assume it's a vodka club.

Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us

#180

Post by navait »

tdfx wrote: post #177
navait wrote: post #175

From my perspective, I think most people want to be socially isolated, or at the very least, never change their social bubble. After completing school, I didn't want to be lonely when living in the working world. So I bought a few books on socializing, picked up swing dance, went to meetups, took adult education classes and volunteered in the US election. After 16 months of continuous practice, I have made 0 friends.…

Just like anything else, people want social interactions that are stimulating and rewarding. Being around other people for the sake of being around other warm bodies is typically not very interesting for most people. Who has no shortage of friends? People with obvious value propositions. Rich or influential people. Well connected people. Good looking people. People who already have a lot of friends. It's strange to t…

I am rich, and don't have many friends.
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