Anecdotally, and with the risk of the greatest generalisation, in my experience Protestant countries tend to be far more atomised than Catholic ones.
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How Social Isolation Is Killing Us
131–140 of 243 posts
Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us
#132How clear is it that the isolation actually precedes the disease rather than potentially being a symptom? A disease process doesn't pop into existence when the condition is diagnosed, and diagnosis often doesn't occur before the condition leads to some kind of crisis. Many conditions' symptoms include depressed mood and fatigue, which tend to reduce social activity.
Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us
#133When I was starting to use facebook in 2007, I thought it was the greatest thing ever to meet people and do things.
I still think that the internet can make people who live near each other meet and socialize. I don't understand why no site like this is being created, and why facebook has become so alienating instead of becoming a site that encourage exclusivity between friends. People are really adopting the jetset attitude of social circles, always excluding the more people they can because they think it will improve their social life.
I have thought so long and hard about my isolation, I also had the idea of: * building new types of apartments where people live together, instead of individual apartment that make you feel you are in a prison cell, unable to see your neighbor. People eat together, but they still have their bedrooms and private space. Basically you make life collective instead of individual. You reduce costs, so it's another incentive for people with low income. * Renting large apartments with many bedrooms and organizing life with people inside of it. * organizing regular meals for 10 people at a time, to improve food quality and make people eat together.
I'm really tempted to create this kind of real life, "open" social website where you can do things with people based on proximity and maps. There are a million things people can do in the context of a sharing economy. It would be targeted towards isolated people so that they can find each others.
Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us
#134Earlier quoted context omitted.
> I must be going to the wrong bars. Very likely. There are bars where people go to be alone; bars were people go in a group to stay purely within their group; bars where people go to meet between regulars and are closed to newcomers; bars where people are opened to anyone, regulars or 5-minute newcomer; etc. The most classy, and also often the most hyped ones are the coldest ones. The most popular are often the warm…
This makes me sad because I don't go to bars. Not sure what to do when I don't drink. Shy as fuck too, sucks.
Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us
#135Earlier quoted context omitted.
Right. It's not an issue of technology, for the most part, but it's the way American cities are designed. Instead of mixed-use walkable neighborhoods where people with a variety of incomes and backgrounds live, and stay put, we have suburban fortresses where people live in a box, never talk to their neighbors, drive a box to work, work in a box, then do it all over again. The national highway system was great for a n…
I think it's cultural. I've lived in apartments and condos designed with nice common spaces (pool, clubhouse, lawn, chairs), and those areas were empty 95% of the time. At most, a couple of people swimming, or a guy taking a phone call. We work all day, come home at 8pm, watch TV while surfing with phone, update Facebook, text a friend, go to bed. Repeat.
the ones in my apartment really aren't compfy, and if you look closely, you quickly notice how much they cheaper out on everything
Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us
#136Earlier quoted context omitted.
Can confirm, I've been to many social gatherings hosted in Manhattan studios.
Sometimes it's even more fun and cozy in a tiny apartment. In a big house, the party often naturally squeezes into the kitchen, leaving the handful of introverts to sit quietly in the living room.
Haha! those introverts... sitting quietly, are actually talking one-to-one on some random deep subject.
Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us
#137Earlier quoted context omitted.
Right. It's not an issue of technology, for the most part, but it's the way American cities are designed. Instead of mixed-use walkable neighborhoods where people with a variety of incomes and backgrounds live, and stay put, we have suburban fortresses where people live in a box, never talk to their neighbors, drive a box to work, work in a box, then do it all over again. The national highway system was great for a n…
I can imagine the sprawling suburbs would be really hard to live in, obvious benefits in lower cost housing and more green space but the isolation and need for a car seems pretty terrible. I live in Barcelona and the majority of people live in flats/apartments, my apartment building is like a large family, mixture of retirees, families, young couples and mixed flats of people just out of university. Everyone knows ea…
I have often watched Barcelona's honeycomb structure in Google Maps. Didn't know it was home to a small-village-like atmosphere. That's an amazing thing.
Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us
#138Earlier quoted context omitted.
Right. It's not an issue of technology, for the most part, but it's the way American cities are designed. Instead of mixed-use walkable neighborhoods where people with a variety of incomes and backgrounds live, and stay put, we have suburban fortresses where people live in a box, never talk to their neighbors, drive a box to work, work in a box, then do it all over again. The national highway system was great for a n…
I've seen this brought up many times before but I disagree completely that American cities' designs are the culprit. I enjoy visiting my family in their "suburban fortresses" out in the Midwest where you have to drive a car to get anywhere. I enjoy it because it gives me a chance to recover from the crippling social isolation that comes with living in a city with roommates, taking buses everywhere, walking around in…
> It matters what people are in your life, not just how many are in your proximity.
It matters how many of the people you meet actually know you.
Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us
#139Earlier quoted context omitted.
I will say that my limited connections comes from mutual hate and not mutual interests. Not sure if that is good or bad.
My (not so limited) connections come from continuously contact, not common interests or hates. Very different, oposing views and values can break a relationship. Very similar views cannot make them - only if this similarity leads to continuous contact. My friends come from: childhood neighboors, two student organizations I was part of and college soccer team. Each of these environments allowed for years long contact…
Agree with this, circumstance can accelerate this process: sharing some mutual experience like going on a tour or living in a foreign country can leave you making friends with people you would probably never have associated with back home
Re: How Social Isolation Is Killing Us
#140Earlier quoted context omitted.
Your argument is poor, too. I see people starting conversations in subways all the time, and occasionally start them myself. I've never regretted it. Driving back from work in a bunch of cars, it's of course impossible, and it's amazing how easy it is to get angry with other drivers. It's easier to meet people in a city, where the 5 miles of a bus ride can cover a neighborhood of a hundred thousand people and hundred…
>I see people starting conversations in subways all the time Where? In New York, Chicago, and San Francisco, the only people who do that are begging, preaching, or rambling incoherently. The sense of community I'll observe on a public transit vehicle is when something has gone wrong, or when everyone shares a look of relief after someone who was trying to start unwanted interactions has left. Granted there are some m…
> Where? In New York, Chicago, and San Francisco, the only people who do that are begging, preaching, or rambling incoherently.
Agree with the other replies to you; I've had lovely chats with people on the subway in literally all three of the cities when I've visited. Also at the laundromat, or at a bar, at a museum, and other places.
> ...did any of those people exchange contact information or form any lasting connection?
I never made a lifelong friend from these conversations (though I have received business cards or other contact info), but I got a sense that I mattered to a stranger, even if only for a little bit. That's certainly part of what the article is talking about.
> The mood afterword is "can you believe that creep?" not "wow aren't we so connected!"
I can genuinely tell you that many conversations I've had did not end with either side thinking the other was creepy.
Of course, I've avoided conversations with people who I felt were creepy. Typically, these conversations happen when the person is speaking to me and I've given pretty clear body and vocal language that I am not interested in speaking.
I do my best to initiate chatting only with people who show interest in talking. Having an idea of who's interested in that takes practice, and some other identification skill I have a hard time describing, but which would likely fit the definition of "emotional intelligence."
# # #
Here's a little chestnut similar to what btmorex mentioned:
A young couple moved to a new town, and upon driving up to their new home for the first time, saw their neighbors outside. After a few pleasantries, the young couple asked, "So, we're wondering, what are the people like around here? Is it a good place to live?"
The neighbor paused, then said, "What were your neighbors like at your last town?"
The young couple agreed, "they were great!"
The neighbor, audibly relieved, said, "well they'll be great here, too."
# # #
What you look for and expect from others will greatly color your experiences. I figure most people are generally friendly, and I tend to be able to recognize when someone wants to chat... and they likely see my desire for a friendly chat, too.