Earlier quoted context omitted.
Can you explain why you feel that "do everything in the database" is archaic? A lot of logic (especially authentication logic) can be put in the database only. Not to mention that I won't trust anything that only has application level security, and nothing at database level to check/limit it.
From what I gathered one of the biggest problems of stored procedures is that they do not play well at all with source control and associated tooling such as code review.
And why can you not code review your sprocs?