Have you tried to sit down and have an open conversation with this person? Sometimes doing this can really help diffuse tension.
Ask HN: I’m being bullied at work. What do I do?
21–30 of 65 posts
Re: Ask HN: I’m being bullied at work. What do I do?
#22Obviously, this may not be a possible option for you ... and I loathe to say this, but you should probably just leave.
There's no way to deal with the issue without making it 'you vs. her'. Even if they don't like her (and know she's a bitch), maybe she's too important to them at this point ... so you're going to be perceived as 'the problem'.
If she is as bad as you say she is, surely other people will take note of that, you may want to hand in your resignation and inform upper management of the reasons why. And then move on.
I wish you well.
Re: Ask HN: I’m being bullied at work. What do I do?
#23As soon as this happens you should report it to HR, insure you reference any materials in the employee/contractor/company code of ethics, etc. There are more then likely laws that would also help resolve this issue too. So insure you report it to HR and call your city/state department of labor and ask away. They are paid to help you out just the same as the IRS or local state government will answer any tax questions…
> As soon as this happens you should report it to HR...
The H.R. Department Is NOT Where to Turn for Help With a Hostile Work Environment > https://toughnickel.com/business/Hostile-Work-Environment---...
Re: Ask HN: I’m being bullied at work. What do I do?
#24Document specific instances of the bullying and go to HR with it. HR is there to protect the company legally and if you present them with this they should have concerns over her potential to cause a lawsuit
Re: Ask HN: I’m being bullied at work. What do I do?
#25Here's a counter-argument, just in case you need it. Of course I have no idea what the actual situation is. It was hard to find examples of things I'd consider bullying in your post. The only thing seemed to be being screamed at once, which I agree is unacceptable. Everything else seemed explainable as you having had an early disagreement with someone senior to you that led them to initially question your competence,…
> In my experience everyone's somewhat sexist, and the people you need to worry about the most are people who think they're immune to it.
Everyone has a bit of bias, that's not the same thing as being sexist.
I view sexism as an example of the extreme end of the spectrum of bias, not a label for the spectrum itself.
That is how society views the word too. An accusation of sexism is enough to terminate someone, refuse them career opportunities, and ostracize them from further friendship. Social acceptance is everything to many people, and making one a pariah would end their world.
Sexism isn't viewed as something 'everyone' has. It's viewed as something evil people have, and once branded with it, you will always be suspected of secretly holding it in your heart.
Re: Ask HN: I’m being bullied at work. What do I do?
#26Apologize.
This sound counter-intuitive; but it work a lot of times.
The things is that most people fixate in that "the other" is wrong and "I'm right".
Probably is, but the other is thinking the same. If 2 persons fight, and one have the arm broken and the other have only a finger, you can' count that the one with the broken finger will be calm and rational and know is he that is hurting more. It have the broken finger, dammit, and you must pay!
This is one of the teachings of Jesus. You take a proactive attitude to diffuse a situation. If you are "more guilty" you do because you are, if your "are not more guilty" o worse, "totally innocent", you ALSO DO it because you have the moral high ground, and because is smart.
---
I have be in situations like this, but worse. Even with actual death threats and display of weapons. Have never ever in a fight, and yet "win" all of it ;)
"Sorry, I think I have say something wrong, that was not my intention. I not feel good because this. I wanna to solve any misunderstanding that and that situation/words have caused. I appreciate the work here I like my coworkers very much, and think we can move forward. I appreciate your opinion on this. "
Or something like that. You get the idea.
Look, if the situation can be saved, a calm voice and be humble must work when the people in conflict are not that against you, and have enough decency.
If even acting like this not work, then you are more certain is better to get out.
P.D: Can be even better if you can bring another, neutral, person, and be very casual about this.
Re: Ask HN: I’m being bullied at work. What do I do?
#27My advisor told me once 'i think you should go somewhere where they respect and value your skills, care and help you advance your career. There are plenty of opportunities out there.'
Summary - work place environment needs to improve for you. You can't live under fear, that will be the biggest hindrance in your progress. You need to freely express your opinions without getting screamed at. Its important to get your ideas out, that is how you learn if youre thinking in right direction. I have been in similar situation, avoid companies with this sort of a culture. They just want you to do the hard work.
Re: Ask HN: I’m being bullied at work. What do I do?
#28Obviously, this may not be a possible option for you ... and I loathe to say this, but you should probably just leave. There's no way to deal with the issue without making it 'you vs. her'. Even if they don't like her (and know she's a bitch), maybe she's too important to them at this point ... so you're going to be perceived as 'the problem'. If she is as bad as you say she is, surely other people will take note of…
I was going to say the exact same thing. You're the new guy and she's part of the culture. The possibility of being able to change her or the company surrounding her is almost nil. At this point its better to cut your losses and go.
Re: Ask HN: I’m being bullied at work. What do I do?
#29Schedule a private 1-on-1, and tell her point blank, "I've noticed that you do to me and it makes me uncomfortable. Why do you do to me?"
Either she'll explain why she's a jerk, in which case you can ask her not to do that anymore, or she'll realize she'd been doing something she wasn't aware of and stop. If she feigns ignorance, then you switch from inquisitive to commanding: "Treating me like is negatively impacting my ability to deliver work to the company/team. I need you to stop treating me like in order to achieve our team's objectives. If you don't stop treating me like , I will have to involve [her boss]." She may deny some or all of this, but it doesn't matter. You're not trying to argue, you're trying to make her aware so she can't feign ignorance to her superiors.
Make sure you record the conversation on your smartphone. I've gotten to the point where I record all of my time I spend in the office in order to protect me against claims of sexism because of how detrimental it can be to my career.
By structuring the conversation in terms of your work performance, you can help convince her, her superiors, and the court (if it comes to that) that she is in the wrong and that you're a victim. If you don't record it though, none of it matters.
Re: Ask HN: I’m being bullied at work. What do I do?
#30Obviously, this may not be a possible option for you ... and I loathe to say this, but you should probably just leave. There's no way to deal with the issue without making it 'you vs. her'. Even if they don't like her (and know she's a bitch), maybe she's too important to them at this point ... so you're going to be perceived as 'the problem'. If she is as bad as you say she is, surely other people will take note of…
I would add one thing: if you keep going on like this, you will become her victim. It will affect you.
Right now - you're new - you're kind of outside the game. You're almost an 'observer'.
But once you are trapped in that - you'll either have to assume the position of 'trained animal' - or you'll face serious wrath.
To appease her at the beginning, you might feign meekness - but this will consume your identity. It will start to affect your view of yourself, your skills, your role in life.
It's not fair, but that's power. If you feel that she is definitely valued by the company and can't/won't replace here, then there's not much chance you can win. It's going to be 'political' not 'judicious'. A startup that needs to make milestones is going to chose whoever is more valuable to them at that point and that's it.
I was in this situation once, the best thing I ever did was walk away, I was foolish to hang on for even the several weeks I did.
Anyhow, I don't want to seem so authoritative, obviously, it's a personal choice, but if you truly feel this person is bad and vindictive ... it could very well consume you. Surely you're a smart guy, find a place that works for you.