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Let your kids lose: Success inhibits preschoolers’ selective trust

sciencedaily.com

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Re: Let your kids lose: Success inhibits preschoolers’ selective trust

#41

Post by eatbitseveryday »

joaorico wrote: post #17

One solution strategy that works very well from my experience is to ask them upfront whether they want to play "for real" or to play to learn. [edit: A third mode is "for (silly) fun" where everything is allowed.] This works for all ages... and for boardgames and physical games. It's their choice which mode they want to play in, and they trust and respect you more when given the choice. You treat them as a peer. You…

I am curious. Can you give a concrete example or two? Also, if not about a board game, where else would this apply?

Re: Let your kids lose: Success inhibits preschoolers’ selective trust

#42

Post by mathattack »

cheald wrote: post #37
SeanDav wrote: post #29

I was taught chess at age 6 by a national level player. While I have no doubt he never had to try hard to beat me, he never let me win. I was a far better player as a result. While I never won, I was never discouraged, because he would always point out where I had made good plays and where I could have done better, in a very interactive manner. This has got to be one of the best ways to learn.

My dad, while never a national level player, taught me chess, and likewise never let me win. The day that I beat him for the first time was an enormous triumph for me, and I'm happily imparting that to my own kids now. My 8 year old hadn't beat me yet, but his game has developed rapidly and that first win isn't very far off now. I'll offer him advice and help him understand why a given move was good or bad, but his m…

I'm similar in chess, but I'm afraid the day of reckoning for Pops may be sooner than I had planned for!

Re: Let your kids lose: Success inhibits preschoolers’ selective trust

#43

Post by ethbro »

eatbitseveryday wrote: post #41
joaorico wrote: post #17

One solution strategy that works very well from my experience is to ask them upfront whether they want to play "for real" or to play to learn. [edit: A third mode is "for (silly) fun" where everything is allowed.] This works for all ages... and for boardgames and physical games. It's their choice which mode they want to play in, and they trust and respect you more when given the choice. You treat them as a peer. You…

I am curious. Can you give a concrete example or two? Also, if not about a board game, where else would this apply?

Physical contests (sports, racing, wrestling), knowledge contests ("Do you know x?"), practice based games (as you mentioned, some board, chess, etc).

Essentially anything where "I've consumed more calories that you have" or "I've had more years to think that you have" are an unfair advantage for purposes of fun.

Re: Let your kids lose: Success inhibits preschoolers’ selective trust

#44

Post by analog31 »

semi-extrinsic wrote: post #3

Solution: play something that has essentially zero strategy, where who wins is close to random. Like Ludo or Yahtzee. My daughter often wins at Ludo, but it's not because I let her. She also often loses.

Another option is a game where you're both playing against "something" but not really against one another. For instance in Scrabble, your opponent is really the language and your knowledge of it, rather than the other person. Plus luck, of course.

Likewise the violin. There are "levels" to reach, and competitions, but ultimately it's down to you and the music and the instrument. The point where my daughter surpassed me on violin came remarkably quickly. Granted, I was trying to play along on the double bass.

Re: Let your kids lose: Success inhibits preschoolers’ selective trust

#45

Post by alexandercrohde »

I have no idea how this made front-page.

The title is inconsistent with the article title, and even the article title seems inflated to what it describes.

As I understand it, the experimental group played a game they couldn't lose (rigged) and adults gave them "hints." The kids [correctly] identified that they weren't dependent on the adults' help in that group.

However, there doesn't even seem to be a link to the actual study anywhere, so I can't even check what this research actually is.

Re: Let your kids lose: Success inhibits preschoolers’ selective trust

#46

Post by andersonmvd »

In summary the takeaway would be "you only understand the importance of something when you lose it" thus those kids who won the game despite receiving good advice thought that it was normal somehow to the point of not acknowledging the help they've got as they succeed anyways, but those who lost recognize that good advice would have helped them. I hope I understood it correctly.

Re: Let your kids lose: Success inhibits preschoolers’ selective trust

#47

Post by foobarian »

joaorico wrote: post #17

One solution strategy that works very well from my experience is to ask them upfront whether they want to play "for real" or to play to learn. [edit: A third mode is "for (silly) fun" where everything is allowed.] This works for all ages... and for boardgames and physical games. It's their choice which mode they want to play in, and they trust and respect you more when given the choice. You treat them as a peer. You…

How did you get your kids started with board-game type games? I have a 3yro and we just have "silly fun" with dice but I'm trying to figure out how to show him the "move N places forward" mechanic where N is the number on the die.

Re: Let your kids lose: Success inhibits preschoolers’ selective trust

#48

Post by tetrep »

foobarian wrote: post #47
joaorico wrote: post #17

One solution strategy that works very well from my experience is to ask them upfront whether they want to play "for real" or to play to learn. [edit: A third mode is "for (silly) fun" where everything is allowed.] This works for all ages... and for boardgames and physical games. It's their choice which mode they want to play in, and they trust and respect you more when given the choice. You treat them as a peer. You…

How did you get your kids started with board-game type games? I have a 3yro and we just have "silly fun" with dice but I'm trying to figure out how to show him the "move N places forward" mechanic where N is the number on the die.

Try teaching them to count with dice. Roll the dice, choose/count N objects, and try to have them do the same.
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