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Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?

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Re: Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?

#61
> I feel like, i can never "start a life",

Are you familiar with Cognitive Therapy? When you change the way you think, you can change the way you feel.

The best book on this subject is Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns. Here's an interview with the author > https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33G1Aue4cP8

Re: Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?

#62

Hmm, let's see mate... I'm 34 years old, with a stupid Computer Science diploma that worths absolutely nothing, unemployed since July 2015, forced to live with my parents as I have no other choice, I'm totally broke, not married, no kids, no one is hiring me because I have experience as a technician and as assistant systems administrator (thanks "cloud" for making me completely unnecessary), and I owe more than 200,0…

I'm also mid-30s, no degree, still no career, employed part-time, barely scrape by w/ nothing in the bank, not married, no kids, extremely few friends (in other countries), still trying to figure out what my skills are. I'm not suicidal per se (don't think I'd ever attempt it), but I do wonder why I'm here, in the larger sense. If it weren't for my undying love of learning and of the examined life, I'd have gone off…

Not what you meant but not having actual cloudy skies helps; living in the south of europe (PT/ES) instead of north (NL/UK) made hard times a lot easier. Somehow it does not seem important but when your month sucks you do not want to wake up in cold, rain and clouds. Opening your window and feeling warm sun does a lot. It is just the bit of lift you need sometimes.

Re: Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?

#63
1. Try to get ANY job, even not related with your study. Never stop to looking for a new job.

2. Work with people, be with people, help them.

3. Fall in love, get married, have a baby.

4. Go to a psychotherapist or go to support group meetings.

5. Go to a church. God wants to help you but you have to ask Him first. Doesn't matter if you believe in God or not, God helps atheists too.

Re: Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?

#64

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm also mid-30s, no degree, still no career, employed part-time, barely scrape by w/ nothing in the bank, not married, no kids, extremely few friends (in other countries), still trying to figure out what my skills are. I'm not suicidal per se (don't think I'd ever attempt it), but I do wonder why I'm here, in the larger sense. If it weren't for my undying love of learning and of the examined life, I'd have gone off…

Not what you meant but not having actual cloudy skies helps; living in the south of europe (PT/ES) instead of north (NL/UK) made hard times a lot easier. Somehow it does not seem important but when your month sucks you do not want to wake up in cold, rain and clouds. Opening your window and feeling warm sun does a lot. It is just the bit of lift you need sometimes.

That's certainly a view I hadn't applied to myself until now, but yeah, I've been living in sunny climes for the last several years (BR/PT).

Re: Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?

#67
Hello! First take a deep breath. Then establish backup life plans which are temporary until you can start working in the field you studied at university. Having multiple plans gives flexibility. Find one person you trust and talk with them about whatever you're comfortable with sharing. Temporary work occupies the mind and allows you to work toward your goals so don't disregard it. At this point, focus on building confidence and mental stability. Debt will always be with us but you control it no matter how much you feel it controls you.

Re: Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?

#68
Germany can be very depressing. Making and keeping friends that can keep you up, pretty much impossible. Screw jobs, take a vacation semester, go travel a bit, doesn't need to be expensive. You'll meet nice people, then finish your studies and look for a job with some positive attitude. I've been through this, believe me

Re: Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?

#69
Be thankful you can wake up everyday without needing help, you can feed yourself, you can go for a jog, you can go to the library, you can cook an egg. You have choices and life is not fair and no matter even if you had a great job you will still have debt and probably always will. I quit my job making $100K (US) no benefits and no savings to start a company and we just started paying ourself after 2-1/2 years of little to no pay. I am 40 and I get to wake up everyday and build my company and know that I can make an impact everyday. Hang in there because we have all wanted to take a rather dark path at one time or another but people care you just have to give them a chance. You will get through this and if you want to work for a Startup in the US with little to no pay I am sure we could have you help us out doing something. You have knowledge which nobody can ever take away from you and just as you were not educated overnight, you can't expect all your problems to be fixed overnight. Take 1 bite of the elephant at a time. Make a list of 3 things/goals that can be done and start working on them. As my grandfather said "Never miss an opportunity to smile at the sun". Go outside and take daily walks to start and stay hydrated. Happy to talk more but I swear to you that life gets better.

Re: Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?

#70
Sorry to hear that. It's easy to look at other people's lives and become envious but you are seeing the ideal part of their lives. The parts they want to expose. Everyone has their own problems - this does not belittle your problems but you have to understand it.

I think you are not in a bad position in life. Comparing you to myself you are more educated in a really interesting field and you are probably a lot smarter. You speak two languages perfectly and you have worked which was more than I had when I got my first job.

20k of debt is not too bad. When you do start working, you will be able to put money towards paying that off and it will be gone in two years if you're able to budget correctly.

I doubt my reply will really help you though. You need to power through this depression and pass your exams. You will eventually get a job and then you will look back and think "well done self, I did it".

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