Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?

This won't be popular on HN, but my job is to speak the truth and eat the downvotes if necessary. :)

First, the truth is that God loves you and doesn't want you to end your life. I don't know what you believe, but I am firmly convinced that that is the truth. And being so, it overrides everything else in life. No matter how bad things seem, no matter how bad things actually are, this life is not all there is, and if we wash our sins away and live faithfully, we will inherit eternal life. Not only does that give us hope for the distant future and in the next life, but it gives us hope here and now, today, because God loves us and wants what's best for us. Note, this is not a prosperity gospel--what God wants most is for us to be faithful, and so he does not promise us an easy life, material wealth, or even good health. But he does promise to give us what we need.

Secondly, from a worldly perspective, there are people who have overcome much worse circumstances than you are in right now, to achieve their dreams, prosperity, success, or just plain happiness. So there is empirical evidence that you have hope for the future.

Thirdly, try to take a step back from yourself and your current feelings. Try to recognize that how you feel right now is not necessarily how things actually are. We humans are funny creatures, and our minds can run away from us, leading us down dark, hypothetical paths that may bear no relation to reality.

I don't know more than what you have said, so it might be that you have felt this way every day for a long time, or it might be that you have good days and bad days. Either way, you may feel differently later today, tomorrow, next week, etc. Sometimes a good night's sleep is all I need to snap out of a blue mood I find myself in when I get tired and stressed. It used to be that I would spiral further down and down, but sometimes now I recognize that I'm not being rational, that I am tired or hungry or stressed, and that I'll probably feel differently tomorrow--and I usually do.

So it might be that, at this particular moment, you are at an acutely low place, but it might be just a few hours until you're at a more even place. Don't be too hard on yourself. Give yourself some time. Take care of yourself. Eat a good meal, go to bed early (like, several hours early, give yourself plenty of time to get extra sleep), and give yourself the best chance at tomorrow.

One of the easiest patterns to fall into when depressed is to focus on oneself. It's really easy to do this when you're alone. It may help to envision the future life you would like to have, the future family you would like to have, etc, and think of yourself as preparing to live that life, preparing to serve those people. That means that you need to take care of yourself now so you can take care of others in the future. You have many years ahead of you and can do much good in the world. You can make many others' lives better with your time, body, and mind. Think of yourself as a potential force for good in the world, and consider yourself in training to serve.

Finally, if you have gone so far as to make plans for ending your life, you are at the point that you need help immediately. I don't know anything of Germany's social systems, but I'm sure there is a hotline or something like it that you could call or reach out to for help. Stop what you're doing and make that call right now. You owe it to yourself and those whom you will serve in the future to save your life now. It won't be easy, but it's the right thing to do, and you are strong enough to do it. I know you are, because you've already reached out here. Don't think about it, don't rationalize about it, just do it. All the other stuff can wait and can come in time. Take care of yourself now. Take a step back and consider yourself a friend in need of your help, and do what you would do for a beloved friend.

Here is some information I found for Germany. Please go here and reach out to one of them now: http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/germany-suicid...

I hope some of this is encouraging to you. I will be praying for you. Let me know if you'd like to talk privately out-of-band, and I'll be happy to correspond via email, etc.

You are almost 30 years old, will soon have a masters degree from a university in a first world nation, have worked several jobs on apart-time basis and do not have a wife whom you do not love, or kids you can not support to tie you down. You owe a miserly Euro20k in debt which you can quite easily pay off ( for instance by not buying a car in the next 1.5 yrs).

You are young full of promise, healthy and educated. You are determined and hard working and only going through a temporary (and normal)period of self doubt.

I'd say you are not in a bad place.

Edit

1. You should see a therapist to check you out for depression as someone as pointed out.

2. Keep on applying for jobs. 4 rejections is nothing.

3. Be thankful you live in this era, the greatest time to be alive .

If doing the ordinary and correct things is leading you to despair, then try something adventurous and radical: sail the ocean, climb a mountain, become a monk... use your imagination!

(Here's a secret: ten years from now, no one will know or care whether you have that master's degree or not.)

> I applied for 20 jobs so far. Already got 4 rejections.

No offense intended, but I want to just say, "Toughen up, Cupcake." Jobs aren't won by applications, connections are key. Always have been, always will be. If you want to choose to be depressed... there's not much anyone can do. If you want to improve your situation, I hope you do realize that you do have the power to do so.

Life isn't a race, comparing yourself to other people... it's just dumb. You have no way of knowing where they started, or where they really are. You don't know who is saying, "Man, tevlon sure has a lot more knowledge about Bioinformatics than I do... all I have is a wife and a car..." A bit of an exaggeration but you get my point? So relax, you made these choices, and you had your reasons.

Measure yourself against the goals you set for yourself.

Steps to fixing application process:

1) Get a friend you trust in the industry to review your resume and cover letter, and work to grow your network.

2) Forget about applying to jobs on websites -- or if you do, understand that it doesn't have a high success rate... go to events, meet people, leverage existing connections for leads on jobs. You'll feel better if you're out mingling. hits.

Steps to fixing the depression:

0) You don't fix depression. You fend it off for as long as you can. It's a choice to not allow yourself to do things that put you back on the path to depression.

1) See a shrink. Make sure they can talk to you about shitty behavior patterns that spiral you into oblivion, and what you can do to avoid those. Do not, under any circumstances, bitch to your friends about your personal problems. That's not what friends are for, that's what you pay a shrink for.

2) See a coach. An advisor, someone who has what you want and can mentor you. It takes a while to find a good one.

3) Avoid alcohol, marijuana... really all mood-altering substances... until you're in a better place. And then, make sure to use them only in moderation.

4) You can't let these little speed bumps in life make you want to end it. You have to be mentally tough to get ahead. Ways to get mentally stronger... A) Get a routine that involves getting up early and working out. If you are prone to depression and you aren't out breaking a sweat by 6 AM every day... you're putting yourself at risk. B) Acknowledge your small victories, at any point the outcome could have been worse and you did something to ensure it was what it was... celebrate what you did vs. what it could have been. If you need help with this, get a dog. C) Be OK with failure and rejection. Don't look at it as, "Oh I fucked up..." Start writing a journal, keep track of what you learned from each loss, chalk it up as a learning experience, and move on. Nobody bats 1000, even the greats were lucky to get hits 1/3 of the time.

EDIT: You said you were in Germany, so I don't know if you get the baseball references, but I'm going to double down on them. Babe Ruth, widely regarded as the best player ever, played in the majors for 22 seasons. He lived to be 53, so more than half of his life he wasn't playing at all. He had 8,399 at-bats, or opportunities to hit the ball, and he got 2,873 hits -- or 34%. Meaning at least 60% of the time when he went to hit the ball, he didn't accomplish that goal. Best player ever. Something to keep in mind. Everyone fails, it's how we pick ourselves up and try again that matters.

Good luck!

This is great advice.