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Married to someone with anxiety

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Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#21

Post by RossBencina »

thro32 wrote: post #18

I had to deal with something similar, and I think I would add a few practical advices (outside of my other advice): - if psychotherapy does now work in first 3 months, than problem is somewhere else - check sugar levels, diabetes.. it is often misdiagnosed with psychiatric problems - if she has paralyzing fear, you should talk to good psychiatrist and get medication. Be careful what motivations he/she has, he might t…

> Phenibut [...] No side effects

Severe withdrawal symptoms are not uncommon. Reports are easy to find with google.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#22

Post by 11thEarlOfMar »

thro32 wrote: post #4

I was married to such person for 8 years. I physically aged 40 years, and I got gray hair. My best advice is to get out NOW if you can. Maybe things are working out now, but you are barely floating. Add normal family life into picture: children, job loss, some injury, any sort of accident... and you will sink to bottom faster than a stone.

Consider the impact on the children of anxiety sufferers. If not successfully treated, they can suffer even more greatly than a spouse. Children are a source of anxiety even for healthy parents. If you're married to an abnormally anxious spouse, wait to have kids until/unless it is managed.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#23

Post by alexashka »

rublev wrote: post #11

Really glad this article was posted. I have anxiety. No idea what to do about it. I just sit here locked in my apartment all day, haven't seen anyone in weeks. Moved a friend in next door, he's extremely loud, now I haven't seen him in weeks either. I just can't. I'm just an asshole sitting here with headphones on 14 hours a day and then sleeping completely locked in a prison of my own making. To walk into the kitche…

Everyone adjusts to somebody else - it's not gross at all :)

That's just every human relationship I've ever heard of.

It sounds like you're inside your head a lot - I'd suggest finding extremely simple activities you enjoy - like going for a walk 2x/day.

When you don't walk around outside and get some sun - you won't feel so good.

I've relatively recently moved from a busy downtown corner to a quiet place by a huge park - it's changed my life a great deal because I now enjoy going for my walks way more.

It's good that you've met a girl - that you think 'why would someone be nice to me?' is a sign of a great number of negative beliefs in your head, that are not true :)

People talk to other people because they're bored, you don't have to be good at anything to have someone pass the time by talking to you.

I hope you figure it out and again, small steps toward activities you enjoy, that involve being outside, and around small groups of people, would be my suggestions.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#24

Post by rrauenza »

rublev wrote: post #11

Really glad this article was posted. I have anxiety. No idea what to do about it. I just sit here locked in my apartment all day, haven't seen anyone in weeks. Moved a friend in next door, he's extremely loud, now I haven't seen him in weeks either. I just can't. I'm just an asshole sitting here with headphones on 14 hours a day and then sleeping completely locked in a prison of my own making. To walk into the kitche…

Please see a doctor. It can seem like there is no way out, but a doctor can really help and help you find a better way to cope. Please.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#25

Post by DanBC »

rublev wrote: post #11

Really glad this article was posted. I have anxiety. No idea what to do about it. I just sit here locked in my apartment all day, haven't seen anyone in weeks. Moved a friend in next door, he's extremely loud, now I haven't seen him in weeks either. I just can't. I'm just an asshole sitting here with headphones on 14 hours a day and then sleeping completely locked in a prison of my own making. To walk into the kitche…

> The one thing I'm trying to avoid is telling people about it, I don't ever want to put someone in the position of "listen, my life is harder than yours because of X condition, so you need to adjust to me". I think that's gross. Like my loud friend. It's totally his right to be loud, and it's unfair to him that someone like me lives next door

It's good that you're not asking him to adjust to you, but I hope you realise that you do not deserve to live like this, and that help might be available.

Have you seen a doctor?

There are some physical health checks they'll want to do, and then there are some mental health options they can talk about with you.

If you were in England you could expect this from the NHS: https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/cg113

Broader information: https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/conditions-and-diseases/men...

Anxiety disorders often respond well to treatment.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#26

Post by yarou »

The latest treatment protocols for anxiety seem to have shifted from GABA receptor agonists to SSRIs and supplements like folic acid[1].

The jury is still out on how effective these treatments are compared to CBT. I'd be curious about how physicians subjectively feel about prescribing benzos to their patients.

[1] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3200167/

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#27

Post by dominotw »

>We also made big and brave decisions like my wife quitting her exhausting job up in London and her retraining to work with young people in a college environment — stressful, but local.

Looks like now that guy is mainly responsible for all the stress and anxiety of mortgage and family finances. Brave decision indeed, at least form his side, hope he doesn't catch that horrible illness too.

There is some evidence that women are quitting due to high stress environment of modern workplaces[1]. Given this instantly solved the issue in this particular case, safe to assume it was the root cause of anxiety , and that's what "solved" it, not talking, therapy and all the other stuff.

>We also got a cat.

I strongly recommend this also. Cats will show you how to chill, how to find that sunspot and enjoy life. They will instantly de-stress you with their chill vibe.

Edit: de-stress != distress.

1. http://www.mckinsey.com/business-functions/organization/our-...

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#28

Post by benmarks »

rublev wrote: post #11

Really glad this article was posted. I have anxiety. No idea what to do about it. I just sit here locked in my apartment all day, haven't seen anyone in weeks. Moved a friend in next door, he's extremely loud, now I haven't seen him in weeks either. I just can't. I'm just an asshole sitting here with headphones on 14 hours a day and then sleeping completely locked in a prison of my own making. To walk into the kitche…

From someone who's been there - and occasionally starts to head back there - I offer sincere congratulations on (1) recognizing it and (2) speaking about it both here and to this new person in your life. That said, I cannot stress enough the value of a good counselor and possibly medication to help get things on a sustainable, healthy, enlivening course.

(For me it took some meds to help give myself mental space to begin forming healthy habits and ways of thinking. In case it helps: that first pill was literally the hardest thing I've ever had to swallow, because at the time I thought it meant that I couldn't fix myself. In retrospect I realize that choosing to take meds was in fact me taking control.)

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#29

Post by thro32 »

RossBencina wrote: post #21
thro32 wrote: post #18

I had to deal with something similar, and I think I would add a few practical advices (outside of my other advice): - if psychotherapy does now work in first 3 months, than problem is somewhere else - check sugar levels, diabetes.. it is often misdiagnosed with psychiatric problems - if she has paralyzing fear, you should talk to good psychiatrist and get medication. Be careful what motivations he/she has, he might t…

> Phenibut [...] No side effects Severe withdrawal symptoms are not uncommon. Reports are easy to find with google.

Yes. The problem is you go back to zero sleep and anxiety. If you can solve sleep some other way, there are no withdrawal symptoms.

Problem with this is that it 1) works, 2) resistance is developed fast 3) you are back to square zero very soon. So it has to be taken in small doses with long intervals, when anxiety is at its worse.

It is not addictive as other drugs, most countries even sell it without prescription.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#30

Post by Thnboi666 »

rublev wrote: post #11

Really glad this article was posted. I have anxiety. No idea what to do about it. I just sit here locked in my apartment all day, haven't seen anyone in weeks. Moved a friend in next door, he's extremely loud, now I haven't seen him in weeks either. I just can't. I'm just an asshole sitting here with headphones on 14 hours a day and then sleeping completely locked in a prison of my own making. To walk into the kitche…

Hey, I hope you do well in the future. It's hard to read this kind of stuff, but knowing this is how some people live makes me feel like I have nothing to complain about ever. I'm glad you have some good days. I share some of your anxieties and anger about other people, but probably to a much lesser extent. Thanks for sharing.
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