Earlier quoted context omitted.
Simple example; I used the whole day to prepare a strong wild boar stew and that will be a perfect pairing for a very strong wine, possibly old. If you bring a light wine of the year to that table it will get diluted on the strong flavors of the stew. We might have a good night but the wine won't shine.
It seems like you are saying that the wine's qualities and how they pair with the food are very important. I don't think anyone would disagree. The question at hand is whether a cheap/expensive wine, of the same type, would matter in the boar stew example. Personally, I have no reason to believe that a more expensive wine would only shine under these types of conditions. I also think it's a matter of subjective taste…
That's how it is for most everyone, I think the disconnect is that the newbie isn't aware of that and make take the "expert's" opinion out of context or too serious. And the experts can be jerks too, but I think it's more people unfamiliar with wine seem to come into contact with the jerks first for some reason and wine gets a bad knock because of that.