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Dalai Lama: Behind Our Anxiety, the Fear of Being Unneeded

nytimes.com

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Re: Dalai Lama: Behind Our Anxiety, the Fear of Being Unneeded

#111

Post by NTDF9 »

Anecdotally, I've been thinking about this. "Being needed" is can also be looked at as "having a sense of purpose".

Today, the only "Sense of purpose" is wealth accumulation and debt reduction. There is very little we can do with:

- Family (marriages, divorces are way too high)..not permanent

- Community (everyone lives in distant houses and neighbors change frequently)..not permanent

- Kids (nobody can afford one), parents (either divorced, separated or in an old-age home)--not permanent

- Friends (too little time to socialize, too much competition, competing with the Joneses, too much changing locations, hard to make new ones)...not permanent

There is very little satisfaction in fighting for the above because NO effort to above leads to PERMANENT satisfaction (except maybe wealth). Therefore, demotivating any real sense of purpose for anything besides digits on your online accounts...which really isn't the same as "being needed".

Re: Dalai Lama: Behind Our Anxiety, the Fear of Being Unneeded

#112

Post by xherberta »

Yes, the poorest among us are materially well-off, by any historical comparison. Yet the article speaks to how we're doing psychologically and spiritually. It's a little glib to tell people they'd better get happy and appreciate how much better we have it than ye olde folks of yore.

Trump has gotten this far by stirring up rust belt fears of human obsolescence. Less-educated white males are seeing their place in society disappear. If you don't think "the rest of us" have to care about that, wait and see the response as autonomous vehicles take out the trucking industry.

Even if Trump loses this time, the same underlying sentiments will produce more Trump-y candidates in the future, unless something can be done to create real change and ways for all sorts of people to be active and valued participants in our society. It's important to recognize the pain and suffering behind the fear of being unneeded.

Interesting questions abound:

If prescription anti-depressants worked, wouldn't Americans be the happiest people ever?

We already know behavioral advertising changes one's perception of oneself -- does that shift affect well being?

What's the psychological cost of commodifying one's special moments as social media posts?

How do we engage undocumented kids who feel sidelined by the lack of paths toward rewarding careers?

How do our attitudes toward birth, death, and caring for the very young and very old work against well-being?

Why do we measure economic health of our country without reference to the distribution of ownership of capital? (We carefully measure the number of wage slaves, but who's measuring the number of people who own productive enterprises? Stocks are too far removed from "productivity" and shouldn't count.)

Re: Dalai Lama: Behind Our Anxiety, the Fear of Being Unneeded

#113

Post by rfugger »

taurath wrote: post #98
wozer wrote: post #70

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As the Dalai Lama writes, to feel needed is a basic human need. For more and more people, this need is NOT fulfilled. So, no, this is not the best time to be a human being.

Think about how many more humans there are, and how unlikely one is to be a special snowflake. We can be special and needed by others - not to society. I don't think society will give us a role that we can emotionally engage with anymore and take pride in. The only way we can belong is to our relationships.

I agree with this, so I feel for the millions who are largely excluded from meaningful relationships because they have issues or are otherwise difficult or imperfect socially. And to be honest, who doesn't have issues or sometimes feel excluded? Or, more importantly, fear exclusion?

Social exclusion no longer means death for humans, but our brains are wired to feel that it does, and so there is an epidemic of loneliness, disconnection, and fear.

I'm not saying that the old days of completely depending on one's tribe of family and friends for survival was better in objective terms, but it was harmonious with our evolved instincts to be part of a small, mutually-connected group. Economic and social forces in a globalized society tend to act against the sustainability of such groups. So even those who are well-connected aren't as deeply connected, and are always threatened with potential loss of connection for unpredictable, uncontrollable economic or social reasons.

Re: Dalai Lama: Behind Our Anxiety, the Fear of Being Unneeded

#114

Post by sekou »

A question that comes to mind: What is the future of "meaningful work" If technology is poised to render sustenance-based work obsolete? The utopian idea is societies where education, arts and entertainment are what we consider to be "work." It's something that's been talked about since the industrial revolution, but assuming it's a multi-generational shift how do we set course to ensure a sense of well being in the human species?

Re: Dalai Lama: Behind Our Anxiety, the Fear of Being Unneeded

#115

Post by johnwheeler »

Amezarak wrote: post #92
johnwheeler wrote: post #74

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No, pretty much in every aspect. If you're living in the U.S. or Europe today, your lifestyle likely surpasses that of the royalty and robber barons of 150 years ago.

What does "better" mean? If we mean that to be afforded more technological luxury is to live better, then sure, no people has ever lived better. Are we happier and more fulfilled than ever before? I don't know, but I doubt it. Also, while the royalty and robber barons didn't have the internet or chemotherapy, they had servants to do all the menial chores most of is still have to do today, so in that respect we haven'…

> Are we happier and more fulfilled than ever before? I don't know, but I doubt it.

I'd say large swaths of the population definitely are not, but we're all responsible for making our own happiness. No one owes us anything. We definitely have the platform and infrastructure to be happy. They're just easy to take for granted because they're so good they support us even when we do.

> They had servants to do all the menial chores most of is still have to do today, so in that respect we haven't totally surpassed them.

That's a myopic view. What do you call robots and computers that operate at orders of magnitudes of efficiency?

Re: Dalai Lama: Behind Our Anxiety, the Fear of Being Unneeded

#116

Post by facepalm »

sjclemmy wrote: post #16

It's odd, the world is the safest and most stable that it has ever been. There has never been a better time to be a human being, and yet, the media and certain politicians would have you believe that there is disaster after disaster, terrorist plots afoot around every corner, feeding your fear day after day. If ever there was an example of the devil at work, then that's it(and I'm not even religious). Uncertainty abo…

Just because the average has improved, doesn't mean there can't still be people with serious problems.

Re: Dalai Lama: Behind Our Anxiety, the Fear of Being Unneeded

#117

Post by jordanlev »

orasis wrote: post #93

This is the big missing piece with basic income: People need meaning in their lives as much as they need money.

I am not very knowledgable about basic income and don't (yet) have a strong opinion one way or the other on it. But, in my understanding, the idea is that not having to worry about meeting one's basic needs then frees them up to do things that are more meaningful with their lives.

As a gainfully-employed programmer, this doesn't really fit my current life situation (because there is bountiful well-paying work that is fulfilling to me)... but I can understand how people who are not in as fortunate a situation might have to sacrifice a lot of time and energy towards unfulfilling jobs which leave them without the ability to pursue more meaningful goals.

Maybe, maybe not... but certainly worth some experimentation.

Re: Dalai Lama: Behind Our Anxiety, the Fear of Being Unneeded

#118

Post by greendragon »

Inception wrote: post #109
greendragon wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If genetics determines all, then we should sort people to tasks best suited for their genetics. Ashkenazi Jew? Work on advancing gene therapy and retroviruses so humans now and in the future can be freed from genetic determinism. European? Build civilization. African? Physical labor/sports. East Asian? Also build civilization. To each is given the minimum necessary to do their genetically determined purpose, ignoring…

I think the OP was referring to people being born into wealth. ie. trust-fund babies. Also, WTF did I just read

OP said "a lot" of the haves, so I get the impression they think it's actually a lot and justifiable to start imposing corrections to the problem on the lot of haves. My real issue is just the idea that more than a tiny fraction of the "haves" are in that group by genetic determinism, either from the lottery of being born to one's parents (and inheriting their genes, and their money, which they got somehow) or the other lottery of being born to a particular (and perhaps in today's economy, privileged) race. We all have to play the hand we're dealt, but the world and the brain are dynamic enough that there are lots of ways to play even when you have poor initial conditions. Having a problem with seemingly some large amount of people not having to play as hard is odd, especially when it's likely a much smaller set of people than imagined.

Mindfuck of the day achieved, back to work...

Re: Dalai Lama: Behind Our Anxiety, the Fear of Being Unneeded

#119

Post by Karunamon »

blfr wrote: post #75
sjclemmy wrote: post #16

It's odd, the world is the safest and most stable that it has ever been. There has never been a better time to be a human being, and yet, the media and certain politicians would have you believe that there is disaster after disaster, terrorist plots afoot around every corner, feeding your fear day after day. If ever there was an example of the devil at work, then that's it(and I'm not even religious). Uncertainty abo…

That's ignoring risks. It's like being the richest you've ever been in 2007. True but not reassuring. We have nukes, very worrying demographic trends in the west with massive migrations, and a declining hegemon. We're comfortable but fragile. What I want to say is that Taleb seems to have a better handle on things than Pinker.

But we've always had those things. Every generation has their..

(I don't want to say bogeyman as it's too dismissive, but I don't want to say pressing issue because they're really not all that pressing in the minds of the average person. Let's just go with "long-term hovering externality")

...to deal with. Society has always been remarkably fragile, and we've stepped really close to outright annihilation a few of times, seemingly saved not by the application of the best humanity has to offer, but by what appears to be happenstance.

What if someone else had been the Russian negotiator during the Cuban missile crisis?

What if a different general that time Russia's radar malfunctioned had thought we were really nuking them? Global annihilation was literally in the hands of this one person's decision!

Hell, what if the 1859 CME event were to happen again? We had some near misses a couple years ago.

There's a difference I think between ignoring a risk and not devoting 100% of our efforts and mindshare to dealing with it.

Re: Dalai Lama: Behind Our Anxiety, the Fear of Being Unneeded

#120

Post by johnwheeler »

greendragon wrote: post #86
johnwheeler wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't know if he's the originator, but Penn Jillette said one of my favorite quotes: "Everyone always thinks the world is getting worse, but the world is always getting better."

It's really technology that is always getting better. It has been so successful that it's hard to see the decline in so many other things. Factor out technological advances when answering these questions. Are our universities really better than they were 100 years ago? Even just 50? Are our political systems any better than 100 years ago? 2000 years ago? Are our stories any better? Are our People any better? Is our a…

Your points all touch on human nature, and no, that never changes over time.
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