Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

The Problem with Modern Romance Is Too Much Choice

nautil.us

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

91–100 of 131 posts

Re: The Problem with Modern Romance Is Too Much Choice

#91

Post by wolf550e »

zlw wrote: post #83
colmvp wrote: post #14

I'm just going to preface this by saying I'm a fairly physically unattractive man (short, Asian, assymetrical face with no strong jawline). The quality of the women (based on intellect, personality, accomplishments, and appearance) who I've met in real life first before dating have been vastly superior to the women who I managed to find a date with through online dating. Besides the restrictiveness of the online dati…

Being an Asian does not imply unattractiveness. It's one's other properties that determine attractiveness (muscular body, etc). Considering Asian as a property of unattractiveness is racist. Even if you are an Asian yourself.

Clearly what was meant was that an average white person who was asked to imagine an attractive potential partner, would image a white person of the appropriate gender. Thus asians do not look like the image of "imaginary attractive potential partner" of most people (in the US). This doesn't mean that asians are unattractive. Just that most movie stars are not asians.

Re: The Problem with Modern Romance Is Too Much Choice

#92

Post by curiousdater »

stuxnet79 wrote: post #90
curiousdater wrote: post #18

So my experience and how it feels for an average to less then average guy in looks(I'm causcasin ..5'10..170.. fit)to be on all these damn apps. Basically we all want something hot and or attractive to us. I feel for women who are less to average in looks have it better then guys. Probably sign into these apps and get bombarded by guys. I definitely date using match and plenty of fish(15 different dates a year) Tinde…

I find this is one of the more useful comments I've ever read on this topic (dating struggles and difference in male / female viewpoints). Thanks for sharing.

Yeah it's so tough out there if your looks don't fit the mold. I think based on the upvotes of my thread other guys are doing the same. Probably a small majority are, as if you you are curious and disenchanted by str8 dating apps too then why not?. Us guys are completely wound differenly then women and are equally driven by one thing. I can imagine if I was smoking hot guy women would be sending me hot pics like received on Grindr. That would be awesome but nothing I will experienced in this lifetime.

There's no doubt I could be with a chick now but it wouldn't be with any I want, who excite me and or who fit my check list. Thus until I find her I'm biding my time between all these apps and always playing it safe and infrequently on the bi apps.

Re: The Problem with Modern Romance Is Too Much Choice

#93

Post by steve-howard »

projektir wrote: post #73
bruceb wrote: post #42

Considering HN is a relatively affluent crowd would anyone who is having trouble online dating pay to have their dating profile edited/rewritten and also their msgs to potential dates (I say to women as would seem to be most likely) . Thus saving time and lessening frustration? There seem to be a lot of decently intelligent men that are not skilled at writing good profiles and msgs. Thoughts on what one would pay, wi…

Maybe the HN crowd should just make a dating app that doesn't suck? Pretty much all the existing ones have some really bad biases behind them and run on appearance. Message boards and video games still beat them in that department for the more specialized types, which is silly.

Every new dating app that comes out is an attempt to make dating apps not suck. No one has succeeded so far. There are a small number of people with a ton of success who know how to market themselves, and there are a lot of good people who don't have that skill that find themselves shouting into the void.

Re: The Problem with Modern Romance Is Too Much Choice

#94

Post by [deleted] »

nashashmi wrote: post #32
mancerayder wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Below 26 is your killer. Statistically, people marry later than before, and women are more educated (both 'than before' and 'than men'). Women have more career opportunities than before, so why would they want to marry at 26 (or sub-26, as you put it). That kills their opportunities for careers and post-collegiate education. Family values? That's one specific to your region of the country (I'm in a less pious part of…

Not really true. There are many women out there who marry below 26, even with career opportunities. Debt tends to be low, though not zero. And family values are high. However, they do tend to be from a set of ethnicities that are not extreme Western or American. The women you may be referring to are unbounded, liberal, and non-restrictive. The set of men they tend to attract are less serious, less guided, are more sh…

[deleted]

Re: The Problem with Modern Romance Is Too Much Choice

#95

Post by Consultant32452 »

curiousdater wrote: post #53
bruceb wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do people judge on looks, of course but women less so. How a profile is written can absolutely make a difference. It is your personality translated in to words.

Nah as bisexual guy and in my experience women are more judgemental then guys. They after all might procreate with you.

Just to put some data on this phenomenon. Women rate 80% of men as less attractive than average. Oddly enough, they message them anyways.

https://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dat...

Re: The Problem with Modern Romance Is Too Much Choice

#96

Post by cloudjacker »

nilkn wrote: post #89
colmvp wrote: post #14

I'm just going to preface this by saying I'm a fairly physically unattractive man (short, Asian, assymetrical face with no strong jawline). The quality of the women (based on intellect, personality, accomplishments, and appearance) who I've met in real life first before dating have been vastly superior to the women who I managed to find a date with through online dating. Besides the restrictiveness of the online dati…

When I last used online dating (4+ years ago), I saw a decent number of height requirements stated explicitly from female profiles. I always found this interesting, not because of the idea itself, but because they chose specific heights as cutoffs. It was particularly common to see women pick 6' as their cutoff. Many of these women were significantly shorter than 6', even if they wore heels. If you're 5'4" (say), can…

I used to be infatuated with a tall women that also thought she was 5'9"

I measured her and she was 5'7" and she still was able to book modeling jobs with strict requirements under her adjusted height

People liked the proportions and her long legs

Maybe some future society won't but the phenotype wins now

Just another anecdote about how lying and perception aren't exactly mysterious ways of getting ahead

Re: The Problem with Modern Romance Is Too Much Choice

#97

Post by cloudjacker »

curiousdater wrote: post #18

So my experience and how it feels for an average to less then average guy in looks(I'm causcasin ..5'10..170.. fit)to be on all these damn apps. Basically we all want something hot and or attractive to us. I feel for women who are less to average in looks have it better then guys. Probably sign into these apps and get bombarded by guys. I definitely date using match and plenty of fish(15 different dates a year) Tinde…

So other people found this coherent?

Re: The Problem with Modern Romance Is Too Much Choice

#98

Post by cloudjacker »

curiousdater wrote: post #44
bruceb wrote: post #42

Considering HN is a relatively affluent crowd would anyone who is having trouble online dating pay to have their dating profile edited/rewritten and also their msgs to potential dates (I say to women as would seem to be most likely) . Thus saving time and lessening frustration? There seem to be a lot of decently intelligent men that are not skilled at writing good profiles and msgs. Thoughts on what one would pay, wi…

Is it really about what's written??? 90% is visual is it not? How is it for you ... if you don't find her attractive as im sure you look at her pics first.. are you going to bother reading what her profile says?

Replace your profile photos with stock photos of models and see how your results differ

You'll be able to come to your own conclusions

Re: The Problem with Modern Romance Is Too Much Choice

#99

Post by cloudjacker »

thr328982 wrote: post #12

I think most men have opposite experience. Only a celebrity can choose from hundreds of potential mates. It is almost impossible to find a good partner for starting a family (healthy, bellow 26, no debt, family values).

How is above 26 not a good partner

Enjoy your statistical divorce, at least you can tell your family you tried

Re: The Problem with Modern Romance Is Too Much Choice

#100

Post by cloudjacker »

k__ wrote: post #37

I'm into polyamory, I'm also rather alternative looking (mowhawk, piercings). These things filter >99% of the people out, but most of them aren't of my interest in the first place. Globally I have lesser choice, locally it works out pretty good for me, at least at the moment.

I like polyamory, but I'm not attracted to any of the people into polyamory

My perception is that the people I find attractive, are considered attractive by wide consensus, and are holding out for more traditional options

Post reply on HN